What's Eating Russell Simmons?

Originally published December 30, 2003:

What's Eating Russell Simmons? Or rather, what is Russell Simmons eating? Plants ... lots and lots of plants. The Corsair knows all the telltale signs.

I was editor-in-chief at MacDirectory, and reported frequently on Apple's CEO Steve Jobs.
Jobs drank so much carrot juice that at one time he appeared to be turning orange. We had to recalibrate our digital cameras, it was a fiasco. Kidding. (The Corsair smiles serenely like a Venetian child in prayerful repose)

Our favorite hip hop herbivore is looking a little ... now I don't want to offend anybody here (The Corsair hastens slowly)... these are powerful toes I'm stepping on (The Corsair fumbles in the existential void for le mot juste) ... and I'm sure many of my readers are veggies as well ... Russ is looking a little anemic.

A little unhealthy.

In the (The Corsair makes quotation marks with his fingers out of thin air) "urban community," it might be phrased as: Russ doesn't look like he's packing "the rib-busting ox-strength."

Seriously, though, on the real, keeping it gangsta and all: could someone just toss -- just dash off -- some curry oxtail in Russell's algae shake? Please?