Saturday, October 30, 2004

60 Minutes Behind the Scenes With Ashlee

Above: CBS's Saucy Leslie Stahl "hulks" over the damaged and broken body of Ashlee, snot dripping out of her big nose, utilizing her 60 Minutes "Investigative Journalist's Stink Eye (TM)."

Why is Leslie giving Ashlee "ice" in that picture? How much more defeated can a person be? How fickle fortuna can be. Leslie Stahl initially took the 60 Minutes camera crew to SNL in order to chronicle on how the "frenetic" counterculture comedy show is "conceived, written and produced each week." In other words, a 60 Minutes blow job piece, like the one a dewey eyed Mike Wallace did on Tina Turner a while back.

Neither did Our Leslie know that she would get caught up in the eye of one of the biggest storms in SNL history -- The AshleeGate.

According to the 60 Minutes website (you may want to go directly to the link for the entire uninterrupted story, I need to be snarky here):

"When Ashlee Simpson ran off the 'Saturday Night Live' stage last week after her lip-sync gone awry, 60 Minutes cameras were there to record her embarrassing exit, and the reaction from show creator Lorne Michaels and other shocked SNL staff members."

Those Lorne Michaels reaction shots are going to be so hott on Monday, you know that don't you.

"The exclusive behind-the-scenes footage of the incident will be part of a Lesley Stahl report about the making of the venerable comedy program, to be broadcast on 60 Minutes, Sunday, Oct. 31, at 7 p.m ... In the now-notorious flap, Simpson had performed her hit single 'Pieces of Me' without incident earlier on the show. When she came back to sing a second time, her band started playing and the first lines of her singing 'Pieces of Me' could be heard once again.

"Simpson, meanwhile, was holding her microphone at her waist. She looked momentarily confused as the band plowed ahead with the song and the vocal was quickly silenced. A flustered Simpson danced a bit of a jig, then walked off the stage. The 60 Minutes cameras stayed on the 19-year-old singer (picture above) as she rushed to the backstage area, clutching her throat and looking tearful."

What could he say? The cameraman could smell the Emmy, neither did he know it was only "acid reflux." And now, quoth the "dadager," Mr. Simpson does "dadage control":

"Her father Joe Simpson, who manages the careers of both Ashlee and her older sister Jessica Simpson, said it was his decision to use the pre-recorded music, called backing tracks, for vocal support when it became apparent during dress rehearsals that acid reflux disease had swollen Ashlee's vocal cords. Simpson ran off the stage when her voice began to fail her then, too, and Stahl and her cameras captured the moment, which turned out to be a preview of what later unfolded on live television. The singer said the glitch occurred when her drummer hit the wrong switch and cued the wrong music track. She also said it was the first time she had ever used a backing track. But was it the first time for 'Saturday Night Live?'"

A good question ...

" ... Stahl returned to the set this week to ask that question of Executive Producer Lorne Michaels and follow up on what happened with Simpson. 60 Minutes was at the show last Saturday night because Stahl had been shooting footage and interviews all week for a report on how the show is put together.

"'If the plan had been, ya know like, they?d done the Thursday rehearsal and had lip-synced and said, 'Well, that?s what we do,' then we would have said, 'No, we can?t do that',' he says.

"(Michaels) explains it goes against the show's essence of being live. The only time he's been aware of lip-syncing taking place, he says, 'is during dance breaks where if it was all about dance, and that?s a relatively recent phenomenon.'"

But, that's not "live," then is it?

"Michaels also says it's the first time a performer has ever walked off the stage. The reason there have not been more mess-ups like Simpson's is because of his rule against ad-libs. Everything that airs on 'SNL' is written on cue cards and rehearsed.

"Yet the show never seems stiff or locked-in. Michaels attributes this to a 'raggedness that comes from just doing a show that quickly. I mean you?re from blank page to on the air in six days.'

"The process starts Monday afternoons in Michaels' office, when the writers and performers meet the guest host, who on the week we visited was British actor Jude Law. Law has more say about what will be in the show that you might have imagined. The staff tossed out ideas for sketches to see what he liked.

"Each week the cast of a dozen or so comedians spoof what's in, lampoon who's powerful and just act silly. After the pitch session, the writers and cast members sat at computers trying to come up with ideas. All day Tuesday and into Wednesday, they worked with no sleep."

God, that sounds like such a hott job. Hey, that sounds like exactly what The Corsair does for his blog -- only, you know, without the $11,000 a week salary, the blow, thevacuous wrap party at the latest downtown hotspots, the requisite Paper Magazine cover story, the Klonopin popped like tic tacs, the raw creative energy at Rockefeller Plaza, and the proximity to stars and models, the network retreat/vacations. Not that I'm bitter or anything ... Not that I would prefer to write for SNL than do this blog ... nevernever, uh, Okay, maybe I might sell out but only for the experience -- I promise I would not enjoy it.

"(Lorne) says, he'd taken hits some hits over the incident, 'but I mean you know, I don?t have any welts or bruises. I mean, life goes on and the great part about 'SNL' is there?s always next week."

Read the full text on the 60 Minutes web site here. The Corsair is guilty enough for having posted half of the story ...

The Alaska Senate Race Nail Biter

How odd is this entire election season?

According to Reuters:

"Voters in Alaska will decide on Tuesday whether to make their state the first in the country to legalize the sale, possession or use of marijuana by adults.

"Alaska already allows legal possession of small amounts of marijuana by adults, the most liberal policy among the 50 U.S. states, thanks to a 1975 state Supreme Court ruling."

Now, with that teaser, walk with The Corsair for a while, as he discusses Alaskan politics like no other blog would (for fear of putting the readers to sleep -- just kidding, pumpkins):

Also in Alaska news, after the thai sticks, is news that although roughly a third of the US Senate is up for election -- 34 up for grabs, 8 incumbents opting not to run -- there are a good half a dozen "nail biter" Senate races, but Alaska's race is probably the hottest, because: 1) it's so close, 2) it's in a supposedly ultra-red state, 3) reversing ANWR for oil drilling is on the table, supported by both sides of the debate, and 4) the party which wins the Senate race will probably end up holding the majority of seats in the Senate.

The poop: Sen. Lisa Murkowski, a freshman Republican who inherited the seat from her father after his 2002 Alaska gubernatorial victory is facing charges of "nepotism." Secondly, The Senator is also in a race with a popular two-term ex governor, Tony Knowles. As Knowles has been reelected to Statewide office twice, while this is Murkowski's first such a race, she is seen as particularly vulnerable in such a solid Bush state that ordinarily would be a cake walk.

The Juneau Empire writes:

"(The Senator) is the only sitting Republican in the Senate at risk of losing - a vulnerability that could topple the GOP's slight majority in the chamber."

An interesting bit of trivia -- although both candidates are for reversing ANWR, CNNinternational writes:

"Despite their agreement, the oil and gas industry is banking on Murkowski.

"'It's fairly surprising in that both of them support the development of ANWR and have a lot of the same views on oil and gas. I would think that they would get the same amount of money, or nothing, but here we have a discrepancy,' said Steve Cleary, executive director of the Alaska Public Interest Research Group.

"According to a breakdown of campaign donations by the Center for Responsive Politics, a nonpartisan campaign watchdog group, oil and gas interests have donated more than $139,000 to Murkowski's campaign, making them her No. 1 industrial supporter.

"Donations to Knowles by oil and gas companies, by contrast, don't even register in his top 20 list of donors by industry.

"The reason, according to watchdog groups and some in the industry, is because the money race is not about Lisa vs. Tony, but 51 vs. 49. That's the 51 seats the Republicans have now to control the Senate, a majority that oil companies would like to keep."

Which has played into Knowles' campaign tv, radio and internet ads stressing "Alaska First" -- a surprisingly conservative theme -- broadly hinting that nepotism and the oil interests are the obsessions of Murkowski.

Hans Nichols of TheHill writes of the race:

"Radio ads and robo-calls in the Eskimo language Yup?ik coupled with a whiff of nepotism could topple the incumbent Republican senator in Alaska, one of the reddest states in the nation. Former Gov. Tony Knowles (D) has modeled his Alaska get-out-the-vote effort on Sen. Tim Johnson?s (D-S.D.) successful 2002 drive among the South Dakota tribes."

Senator Johnson's 2002 get-out-the-vote campaign was controversial for its time. Up until that moment, the Native American vote was not a factor, but, in a close election, they became a major Democratic Party strategy. Reservation voters turned out in much higher numbers than normal and, as a result of a highly negative campaign, overwhelmingly supported Democratic U.S. Sen. Tim Johnson, who defeated his Republican challenger John Thune by a whisker -- 524 votes."

TheHill continues:

?'Our get-out-the-vote program is the Tim Johnson plan on steroids,' said Matt McKenna, spokesman for Knowles. Knowles?s 120-plus paid staffers in the remote, roadless villages where 15 percent of the electorate lives dwarfs Sen. Lisa Murkowski?s rural team ? a group she calls 'all volunteers.' Murkowski is counting on Alaska?s senior senator, Ted Stevens, to deliver the native vote by convincing communities that used to subsist on salmon and seal that keeping 'Uncle Ted' as a chairman in the majority party is the best way to keep federal money flowing to the state. Term limits will end Stevens?s chairmanship of the Appropriations Committee, but, if the Republicans retain their majority, he will chair the Commerce Committee."

Again, these maneuvers are playing into the Knowle's campaign's overarching themes of nepotism, cronyism and special interests.

"Alaska?s clout in Washington is the touchstone of Murkowski?s campaign, and her claim that a cohesive delegation will be better for the state is gaining traction with voters, said Carl E. Shepro, professor at the University of Alaska.Murkowski hopes that the national election is tight and that Bush trails Kerry late into polling day. She believes that if GOP control of the Senate in jeopardy when polls close in the East, late-deciding Alaskans will vote for 'Team Alaska, Team America' and return her to the seat to which her father appointed her when he left it for the governorship.

The Team Alaska, Team America theme nicely counteracts the charge that the Republicans do not put Alaska First:

" ... Murkowski would also be the first woman elected to the all-male club of Alaska?s congressional delegation, a significant, if unspoken, barrier in a state of Arctic oilmen and traditional frontier values."

Read the rest of the details of this interesting race by Hans Nichols here.
A Little of the Old In and Out

Above: Hello, luscious.

In: The Renee Zellwegger-Jacinda Barrett Collabo. Hott. *The Corsair gives his computer screen moist looks, ignites Camel Filter* Something called Britain's News of the World is running this drrty, filthy salacious photo -- thank you, Easter Bunny -- of Renne Zellwegger kissing former Real World Londoner, Jacinda Barrett -- parading their Sapphic Love:

"Britain's most famous singleton has swapped Darcy for Marcy in the sequel to Bridget Jones's Diary.

"And what's more, actresses Ren�e Zellweger and Jacinda Barrett needed an astonishing EIGHT takes to get the same-sex smacker right.

"A film insider said: 'They were very nervous about sharing their first kiss, but they were total professionals.'

"'They also received a lot of support from the crew�most of whom were male and most of whom grew more and more supportive as the take count climbed ever higher.'"

Crazy like Swayze.

Out: The Shania Twain- Mark McGrath Collabo. WTF?! We know, it sounds like a bad idea from the get-go, I mean, why multiply the productions of lame musicians by a factor of two? Wouldn't the proper A & R strategy have been to isolate and overproduce as much musical poo out of these two frauds seperately before the listening public caught on to the sham? One does not sell snakoil to the same town twice, playa.

According to Stereogum, McGrath and Twain have officially jumped the shark, and not a moment too soon. Says one irate Stereogum reader, Robb, who watched the video and forever lost two precious minutes of precious life:

"I swear to God, Mark McGrath must wake up every morning, lie in bed, and ask himself, 'what can I do to be an even bigger douchebag than I was yesterday? Oh, I know....'

"This is gonna be huge at Walmart."

And, from Michelle:

"This video makes my soul hurt."

Mine too. Check out more commentary -- and the video in question -- here (Averted Gaze).

In: Hasselhoff Gets Off. The Corsair loves him his Knight Rider -- and so does Germany, so you better not hassell the Hoff, according to the SFGate Dish:

"Former 'Baywatch' star David Hasselhoff narrowly avoided a jail sentence on drunk driving charges Thursday.

"The 52-year-old actor was ordered to attend 50 Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings, fined $200, placed on probation for 36 months and ordered to complete 200 hours of community service after pleading 'no contest' to driving with excess alcohol.

"Hasselhoff was also ordered to complete a driver's course before he is allowed to drive -- other than to work or taking his children to school.

"... A court in Van Nuys, Calif., ruled Hasselhoff must complete his community service working for the charity Wheels for Humanity, which provides wheelchairs for disabled children in poor families."

Out: Kate Moss by Lucien Freud. The Corsair loves Kate Moss. But: The Corsair is not the greatest, hmm, Lucien Freud fan as his work is very, uh, talented gred school student, and, somewhat, er, gaudy, and this new portrait doesn't help his rep:

Yuuuuck ....! I guess we could store it in "the loo" ...
Guys on Which Guys are Hot

MyBlogisPoop does something really cool and kind of groundbreaking today.

One of my good friends, Oona, once said that there is nothing hotter than a straight man who can feel comfortable enough in himself to compliment another man on his attractiveness.

The Corsair has also noticed that his jet set acquaintances in the media world, often European -- The Corsair has a few of those he hits up for free lunches at power spots -- don't have that issue; in fact, many of them -- men -- cultivate perpetual tans and diet and work out and have no qualms about recognizing the attractiveness of a movie star, media type or politician.

That sounds eminently logical to me. I mean -- women do it all the time, notice how hott another woman is. No biggie. I can recognize an attractive guy -- say, David Beckham -- and not want to jump his bones. But to make this recognition aloud to my straight friends would, well, entail, uhm, "weirdness."

What is clear and logical in conversation with a sophisticated woman like Oona already grows cloudy and oblique once you factor in such tribal superstitions as our traditional roles and how straight men are supposed to act with one another in, say, a bar.

Although I have never discussed this with my male American friends, and, to be frank, it would be kind of odd, although, quite possibly very funny (why not?), as most of them are -- or at least profess to be -- social libertarians, I'm not against the idea of trying it. But what if I were to say, in the neighborhood bar, a propos of nothing, "Hey, dudes, what do you think about Chow Young Fat?"

Can you imagine what kind of shenanegans ensue?

Dude #1: "Oh, I loved The Replacement Killers, but he kind of jumped the shark a little in Anna and the King ..."

The Corsair: "No, no, not that -- I mean, not that way -- what do you think of him? Is he hott?"

There would be definite weirdness, guys.

Of course, we live in a society that idolizes the beauty of women, so there is nothing wrong with anyone talking about the model in the Lancome ad, the Paris Hilton tape, no problem with that whatsoever. Why is it okay for straight women to compliment the looks of another woman and then, on the other hand, when men do the same, social uncomfortableness arises.

MyBlogIsPoop, which The Corsair reads religiously, tackles the issue, honestly:

"Hot dudes.

"You heard me, we're going to talk about Hot Dudes today, and you can't stop me. And you know what, I'm not even going to preface it with 'I'm secure enough in my sexuality to recognize a hot guy blah blah blah.' Fuck that. Let's do it.First of all, I happen to think that I have good taste in guys. No, make that great taste. I definitely have better taste than a lot of the girls I know, which is unfortunate, considering I like chicks and all. But I think I know what makes up a good looking guy, and because I'm not a girl, I don't get sucked into the whole emotional aspect of it."

And he doesn't. A great blog post. Check it out here and post your hot guy suggestions. The Corsair did and it was liberating.
The Corsair Blog 1 Year Anniversary

Monday, November 1 is officially one year of continuous blogging, so I'll have something special up, to be sure. Thanks to you, the readers, for making it a cool year, and special thanks to all those who post comments. The Corsair likes comments.

Ron Mwangaguhunga
The Corsair

Friday, October 29, 2004

Cambodia's New King

Cambodian culture is simultaneously beautiful and mysterious with just a dash of danger, yet the nation is rarely covered in the West. The Corsair has been a Cambodiaphile for years, particularly regarding matters related to Theravada Buddhism. Today was a big day for Cambodia. National Assembly members, Prime Minister Hun Sen and a throng of foreign diplomats attended the coronation of the new King of Cambodia, which was broadcast on live tv. Reuters reports:

"In a ceremony full of pageantry and hope, King Norodom Sihamoni has ascended the Cambodian throne, ushering in a new royal era for a country still trying to draw a line under its bloody, genocidal past.

"In accordance with Buddhist tradition, the 51-year-old Sihamoni, a previously unknown ballet aficionado, took triple oaths of dedication to Cambodia's 13 million people in a spectacular ceremony in the capitol's gilded royal throne hall."

The only head of state who can do an arabesque. Although he is being reported as 51 years old, according to Cambodian astrology, he is 52, and, ceremonially, 52 Buddhist priests chanted for a few minutes in his honor after the coronation.

"'As from this happy and solemn day, I shall devote my body and soul to the service of the people and the nation, pursuing the exceptional work accomplished by my august father, grandfather and great-grandfather,' Sihamoni said on Friday.

"His hastily arranged coronation came after the shock abdication of his ailing father, Norodom Sihanouk, this month."

Although the former king stepped down for health reasons, what he really wanted to do was direct.

" .. At Buddhist temples across the country, monks banged huge wooden drums on the stroke of 6 pm (1100 GMT) to usher in the new monarch.

" ... Diplomats say it is unlikely Sihanouk will set his son, who has never held political office, loose in Cambodia's fractious and often bloody political arena without considerable guidance.

"'I think we will see the hand of Sihanouk on the tiller of the monarchy for some time to come -- certainly until Sihamoni has found his feet,' said one Western diplomat."

"A day replete with pomp and circumstance started with Sihanouk anointing his son, resplendent in traditional gold raiments, with holy water taken from a spring near the 800-year-old temples of Angkor Wat (see below):

"Flanked by saffron-robed Buddhist monks and black-suited North Korean bodyguards, Sihamoni then clasped his hands in Buddhist supplication and offered prayers to the morning sun rising slowly over the Mekong river. "

Read the rest of the fascinating story here.

Ashlee Simpson on 60 Minutes Sunday

Ashlee Simpson's 15 minutes of fame may just run out, ironically, on 60 Minutes this Halloween night. Frankly, The Corsair is a little miffed that Ashlee Simson punkd him and, to be frank, would love to robustly toss a Gruyere cheese in the general vicinity of her nose.

Anyhoo: Leslie Stahl profiles just how the SNL comes together, probably with some great shots of Jude Law progressively getting more and more exhausted as the week wears on, according to Drudgypoo:

"When Ashlee Simpson ran off the 'Saturday Night Live' stage last week after her lip-sinc flap, 60 MINUTES cameras were there to record her embarrassing exit and the reaction from show creator Lorne Michaels and other shocked staff members of the show. The exclusive behind-the-scenes footage of the incident will be part of a Lesley Stahl report about the making of the venerable comedy program to be broadcast on 60 MINUTES Sunday, Oct. 31 (7:00-8:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network."

Which may make for some awkward moments on the Manhattan cocktail party circuit between Stahl and Michaels, depending on how she finesses the piece.

"Stahl and her cameras were also present for the dress rehearsal of Simpson's performance when she also ran off stage because her voice failed her, necessitating the now notorious live lip-sinc performance that backfired. 60 MINUTES was at the show last Saturday night because Stahl had been shooting footage and interviews all week for a report on how the show is put together. Viewers this Sunday will learn and see how the show is conceived, written and produced each week."

Lordy, The Corsair wants the Lorne Michaels reaction shot to Ashlee Simpson for his screen saver.
A Little of the Old In and Out

Above: In honor of the Autumn, Heidi Klum models her "smashing pumpkins"

In: Heidi Klum's Halloween Bash. According to Fashionweekdaily:

"Heidi Klum will host her annual Halloween party?now five years strong?at Marquee, which will be turned into a house of horrors, complete with flying bats. With two deejays spinning?Jus Ske in the front row and Stu Bronz on the mezzanine?Klum, who will be a witch, will get her groove on with Seal, while doing a little bit of self-promoting. 1,000 bags of limited edition Halloween candy have been specially produced for the evening, courtesy of Katjes, the company that manufactures Klum?s candy line (My Favorite Candies by Heidi Klum)."

Heidi Klum a witch? I can believe it -- that body is pure magic (The Corsair gets all dreamy eyed).

Out: Michael Alig, Auteur du cinema. Like the former King of Cambodia, Michael Alig wants to direct, only he's in the can. The final installment of the James St. James-Michael Alig prison conversations is up today, leaving us a little sad. Nothing lasts forever, we suppose. Anyhoo: Alig, who has waay too much time on his hands (don't all cons?), gets it into his fluffy head that he is the next goddamned Fellini. James St. James gently tries to inject Alig with a dose of realism about the enterprise. Hilarity ensues:

"James: (Slowly) So youre going to make movies about people who hate babies?

"Michael: No, no, no. In the vein of John Waters and FEMALE TROUBLE and DESPERATE LIVING and sick stuff like that. Then Ill have premieres in, say, five or six or 10 major cities across the country (and maybe even across the world, in Berlin and London!), and take 10, 15, 20 of the stars of the movie to each of the premieres in each of the cities and have fabulous Hollywood-style red carpet premieres, with the klieg lights and everything! And the people, the fans, can come to the party afterwards and mingle with the stars of the movie! Dont you think that would be fun?

"James: (Complete and utter silence) So you want to take your club-kid friends and make movies about them, like little Warholian-type things

"Michael: More John Waters.

"James: Um, but you don?t know anything about movies or directing movies.

"Michael: WELL, THAT?S THE WHOLE BEAUTY OF IT, JAMES! You know how the whole club-kid thing works! I dont have to make the movies. Its sort of like Andy Warhol and Paul Morrissey. Andy didnt make the movies. Paul did.

"James: So youre going to find ...

"Michael: Ive already found somebody! Ive found a hundred people like that!

"James: Jeeez dont get defensive. Im just doing my duty, asking the questions."

In: Nelly and Christina. Nelly is after Christina like she's the last rib at a cookout, according to the Dish:

"Hip-hop star Nelly has been infatuated with Christina Aguilera since the pair duetted together on their forthcoming single 'Tilt Ya Head Back.'

"The rapper plays a 1940s gangster opposite Aguilera's sexy Marilyn Monroe lookalike in the video that accompanies the track.

"According to a spokesperson at record label Universal Music, the atmosphere between the stars was so electric on the set of the promo, it was obvious Nelly fell for the singer.

"Beverly Berringham, a spokeswoman for Nelly's Dirrty Entertainment firm, says the rapper gave Aguilera a gift of $55,000 worth of jewels as a parting present.

"Sources say that during filming the pair 'looked at each other with lusting eyes' and were spotted in 'suggestive positions' at Los Angeles' Mondrian Hotel."

What's the difference between lusting eyes, hungry eyes and Betty Davis eyes?

Out: The October Surprises. Already, both sides have started pulling news stories out of their collective asses for the weekend news saturation on the talking head shows for the last lap of the election. Of course, none of this could have been reported months ago -- no -- these stories only just come out now, coincidentally, the last week before the election.

Asshole strategists (on both sides).

In: Ingmar Bergman, Maestro. The Corsair is not worthy. Ingmar is our God. Seriously.

Nicolette Sheridan Versus Terri Hatcher

The Corsair cannot get enough of Nicollette Sheridan. It takes a whole lotta man to handle that much woman, if you know what I mean and I think you do. The Corsair is like a rabid wolverene when he gets ahold of his prey, he just won't let go, no matter what -- vicious *two snaps and a neck roll* And The Corsair has a hankering for Nicolette tartare if you know what I mean, and I think you do. So, when that significant cultural artifact, The Star published an article about catfighting on the set of Desperate Housewives, well, we were so there:

"Catfighting Desperate Housewives Nicollette Sheridan and Teri Hatcher can't stand each other on-screen and off, sources say. 'It seems Nicollette has been badmouthing Teri and telling people that Teri's too skinny and not attractive, and that she shouldn't have gotten the lead role in the show,' a source reveals to Star. 'Teri just thinks Nicollette is way too abrasive,' adds an insider."

How great is this catfight? Nicollette abrasive? Nooo ... Teri Hatcher, too skinny? Nooo, if you know what I mean, and I think you do ...

"The problems apparently began during casting. Hatcher, 39 -- who shot to fame as Lois Lane on TV's Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman from 1993 to 1997 -- landed the lead part of divorced, single-mom Susan Mayer. It's the role that, Sheridan, 40 -- who left her starring role in Knots Landing in 1993 -- admitted she originally wanted, says a source. Instead, Sheridan got the smaller role of serial divorcee Edie Britt --and the source says she threw a fit when she learned the character was originally slated for just one guest appearance, a source says."

The Corsair pours himself a glass of 1990 Chateau d'Yquem, then splashes a little on the ground, to celebrate his "dead homiez".

"A week before shooting was to begin, Sheridan threatened to walk out if her part wasn't made into a recurring role. She then vowed to walk out again just three days before shooting unless they promoted her to a full-time role, the source claims. 'Nicollette probably thinks she is a bigger name than Teri,' the close source says. 'She had barely been on the set for a week when she started complaining about her co-stars -- mainly Teri.'"

The Corsair chuckles softly.

"Sheridan, a real-life divorcee whose relationships with the likes of actor Harry Hamlin and satiny crooner Michael Bolton ended in disaster, is 'very much like the character she plays,' the insider says. On set, the insider says, some of the other actresses are definitely feeling the heat, viewing Sheridan as an 'outsider' who's far 'too vocal.' Sheridan is unfazed. 'It seems like Nicollette doesn't like the rest of the cast either,' says the source. 'And it's been that way since day one.'"

Read the rest of the story here.
Martha Punked Out!

The Corsair has oftentimes wondered -- sometimes aloud, more often than not soaked in Cutty Sark at last call at the neighborhood bar telling the bartender how much he loves her-- about just which media outlet would be able to infiltrate "Camp Cupcake" to give us our daily dose of MarthaMarthaMartha. Who indeed? Ask and ye shall receive, true believers. That significant cultural artifact The National Enquirer apparently has an inside mole in the West Virginia prison (National Enquirer is a classy paper).

In fact, this'>this National Enquirer story is fucking mindblowing. They did good.

You might want to sit you ass down for this one. Smoke em if you've got 'em:

"To keep from getting attacked in prison, Martha Stewart is offering to include the recipes of fellow inmates in a future cookbook, insiders say.

"As an added measure of protection, Martha is also agreeing to clean the bunks of her new pals!"
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury-- Martha Stewart has been "punked out."

"Although Martha put out a statement on her Web site saying that prison is 'fine...pretty much what I anticipated,' The ENQUIRER learned exclusively that the 63-year-old domestic diva was confronted by tough inmates at the Alderson, W.Va., federal lockup where she's begun her five-month sentence."

Sinister. How much do you want to bet this gang of four didn't look like the cast of Desperate Housewives?

"'A gang of four inmates cornered Martha in a recreation room,' an insider told The ENQUIRER.
"'They didn't physically rough up Martha, but did make it very clear that the next five months of her life would be spent in their world, where certain unwritten rules would have to be followed."

And "their world" does not include "bewitching Halloween eggs"

"Two of the inmates got right in Martha's face and warned her they were the ones who called the shots inside Alderson, while two others stood with their backs turned and watched for guards.

"They filled her in on prison's one-strike rule, which simply means Martha will be given only one warning about those inmates she's expected to obey.

"If she gets out of line and doesn't heed their first warning, then they promised there will be hell to pay for strike two!

And it won't involve "perfect pie crust every time"

"All Martha could do was stand there and nod her head in agreement. She paid close attention as they explained the special favors she would sometimes be expected to provide--laundry, making their beds and buying supplies for them from the commissary."

Read the whole story here.

How long before Martha's on sale for three Mars bars and a pack of Pall Malls?

Matthew Mcconaughey: Freak of the Week

FemaleFirst reports:

"Naked Matthew McConaughey chased a ghost around his Hollywood home."

Yes, the ghost of his career ...

"The hunky actor, who is rumoured to be romancing his 'Sahara' co-star Penelope Cruz, freaked out when he saw what he thought was the spirit of a woman in his new Hollywood Hills home."

The ghost of Box Office Bombs past ...

"Matthew, who chased the ghost with a baseball bat, claims he has now made friends with the phantom, who he has named Madame Blue."


"He explained: 'She's a cool ghost. Maybe being nude all the time is why we get along.'"

The Corsair wants some of that sweet Thai stick Matt's been "Bogarting." It appears to have hallucinogenic properties ...

"Matthew is renowned for his love of stripping off - in 1999, police raided the actor's home after noise complaints from neighbours and discovered him playing bongos in the nude."

The Corsair would, ordinarily, be all over this piece, but he has a code of honor that forbids him from going after that which is all too easy to demolish. Where's the sport in that?

Thursday, October 28, 2004

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Scarlet Sykes Floyd, 6 pounds, 1 ounce, aged all of 5 days. Awww, the little sweetie. Fashionweekdaily relates:

"... Last Saturday, Hollywould shoes marketing and sales director Alice Sykes also the younger sister to twins Plum and Lucy?gave birth to Scarlet Sykes Floyd. Weighing in at 6 pounds, one ounce, Scarlet arrived three week early, much to the surprise of the engaged couple, who plan on wedding next September. But things don?t stop there. The new parents are also busy moving out of their current West Village digs (the same building as Lucy, her husband Euan Rellie and their son Heathcliff) and into Plum?s West 12th Street pad."

Heathcliff? Scarlett? Someone likes Clarke Gable movies.

Out: Jeffrey Jones. Remember that creepy actor who played Principal Ed Rooney in Ferris Beuller's Day Off? He rebuffed the tender offer of a pocket "warmed" gummy bear from that eccentric-looking bespectacled little girl? He is a child molester, people. But are we really surprised at the news? He played that "older authority figure in dogged pursuit of charming teenage boy" role little too well, if you ask me. Waay too well. According to TheSmokingGun:

"More than a year after actor Jeffrey Jones was convicted of paying a boy to pose for explicit photos, the teenager, now 19, has sued the star of 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' for alleged sexual abuse. In the below Los Angeles Superior Court complaint, filed Monday, the alleged victim--whose name we have redacted since he was a minor when he posed for Jones--contends the actor subjected him to 'physical and sexual abuse' during 1999-2000."
It only gets creepier.

In: Nicole and Lauren, Pals. The Corsair figures that the release of this emo picture of the two will dispel any rumors of tension between the padawan and her jedi starlet master. From Hello!Magazine:

"During a Venice Film Festival press conference, Ms Bacall cut short a journalist who dubbed co-star Nicole a 'legend'. 'She's not a legend,' corrected the 79-year-old star, famous for her no-nonsense demeanour. 'She's a beginner. What is this legend? She can't be a legend at whatever age she is.'While the remark was interpreted by many as tension between the two, Nicole, 37, has always insisted that she agrees with the seasoned actress ? and actually appreciated the opinion. 'I was thrilled that she dismissed the legend stuff,' she said later. 'To put me into a category I don't belong, burdens me with responsibility I don't want.'I telephoned Lauren and thanked her for saying that. She always calls it like it is and that's a reality check I adore.'"

The Corsair's Simultaneous Virtual Translator: "Seasoned actress" is shorthand for "Stolichnaya soaked bitter harridan."

Out: Britney Spears, Knocked Up. Pass the chicken fingers and raise the ceiling on the trailer home. Who knows what was doing in those gooey Pacific unguents she slurped (Eew), but The Corsair guesses that they worked (FemaleFirst):

"Britney Spears has reportedly announced to friends she is pregnant.

"The sexy singer, who is currently on honeymoon in Fiji with new husband Kevin Federline, is said to have told friends and family she is 'excited' at becoming a mum, according to America's Us Weekly magazine.

"A source revealed: 'We had a call from Kevin himself about the good news. They always said they wanted to have kids as soon as possible. Kevin and Britney want a real big family so they're getting into the swing of things straight away.'

"Britney has made no secret of her desire to have children since she tied the knot with Kevin in a surprise Los Angeles ceremony last month."

In: James St. James. James Saint James is a funny guy. Funny how, like he amuses me? Like he is some kind of a clown? Well, yes.

Here are a few of his favorite things. Parental advisory, folks. James St. James version is a little more extreme than "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens":

"I'm afraid of everything. EVERYTHING. As a child, I spent a great deal of time hiding in the kitchen cabinet. I was deathly afraid of Charles Manson (of course, of course) and ants depositing eggs in my eyelids (go figure). I was afraid of chiggers and dust bunnies and cannibals and that terrible, terrible Cyclops from THE SEVENTH VOYAGE OF SINBAD.

"Because it?s October, and because I?m hung over and don?t feel like discussing my weekend, here is a list of all the things that terrify me:

- Pickles- Sinkholes- Blue collar TV- The smell of old butt in your bed.- 'Pucci-inspired'- Lox- Defenestration- Rouged nipples on women- 'Powder and base ? together in one!'- Colonic resorts- Lesbian hairdo?s- The Chunnel- Land sharks- Misshapen heads - Most secretions- Sea cucumbers- Sinister new developments- Jumping through hoops- The smell of gay bars- Spinning meat- Ambiguous street signs- Intimacy- Hairy moles ..."

Lots more here.

Out: The October Surprise. Both camps are going to be releasing an October Surprise to shake up those goofy undecided voters to bolt in one direction or the other. Probably this weekend. because anyone stupid enough to still be undecided probably has attention deficit disorder as well and they want their respective October Surprises to remain fresh in the untutored minds of those goofballs. Hillary Clinton, an extreme Scorpio, eerily predicted that the election would turn on an "unforeseen event," like, possibly the prospect of an Arafat death and how that affects Jewish voters in Florida, or Putin's fondness for George Bush prompting him to help on the WMD front, or something along those mercurial lines.

More likely than not, though, the election will be turned, consciously, by one of the two parties October Surprises, launched any time from Friday to Monday morning. Get ready, brace yourselves, and hold your noses, because it is going to be dirty.

In: Magnificent Miu Von Furstenberg. Let's conclude this blogging day with my saying something nice. My blog wife has the most consistently witty and interesting blog in the blogosphere. My blog posts for the day are done, now, go over there and see what I'm talking about. My baby's all that.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Six Degrees of Nicolette Sheridan: The Master's Edition

It has been almost a year since The Corsair started the game that is taking America by storm, Six Degrees of Nicolette Sheridan.

It seems that everyone in Hollywood is separated by Six Degrees ... of Nicolette Sheridan, that is. As a media wag recently remarked, it seems that everyone in Hollywood has had "a crack at her." So crude and yet so viciously accurate.

I mean, what do Harry Hamlin, Marcus Allen, Scott Baio (eew) and Leif Garrett, James Woods and countless others, like George Clooney have in common? Nicolette, of course! They are among legions of men who have waded in the shallow depths that are Nicolette Sheridan. Manwhores like Bruce Willis and Mick Jagger or apple-pie munching whorelets like Jack Nicholson are a dime a dozen, they're not interesting, they'll screw any old hole. But what makes Nicolette so interesting from the standpoint of a cultural anthropologist is the premium she sets on the celebrity of her conquests.

"Nicolette even shows up in a cameo in You'll Never Make Love in This Town Again -- the oily bio by a bunch of Heidi Fleiss ex- call girls. Of course, our Nicolette wasn't "hooking," but she was "hooking up" with Marcus Allen, whose, uh, 'member' was so large that Nic, well, Our Girl Nic had to invite people to witness it.

"Everyone's all-American girl; that little (Averted Gaze) "slice o' heaven."Nicole has a higher proportion of actors and sports stars on her list than most people. She likes to date the famous, kinda like Rosario Dawson, but with a lot more mileage. A lot.

I mean, has anyone else ever become famous for the person they are dating? Then again, Nicolette Sheridan is not exactly famous -- she's Lifetime movie famous. (ed Note: Since The Corsair wrote this Our Nic has hit the network tv jackpot)

Let's play Six Degrees of Nicolette Sheridan with, hmmm, Dean Cane.I'd personally go the Brooke Shields route on that one. Brookie allegedly lost her virginity to Dean Cane at Princeton. Brooke dated Michael Bolton. And Bolton dated ... yes, there you have it ... Nicolette Sheridan. Like the Buddha, all roads in Hollywood lead to Nicolette.

How about Madonna? Madonna was married to Sean Penn, who dated Elle McPherson, who dated George Clooney who dated ... you guessed it ... Nicolette!

Hint: If you get stuck, try to get to Pam Anderson (through Scott Baio, whose buddies dubbed Baywatch "Baio-Watch" because of the number of women he dated on the show) or Joey Fatone (who "dated" Kathy Griffith who slept with Leif Garrett) or Heather Graham (through Jimmy Woods). Those are what I call lifelines that can help you navigate the bodies.
Vote With P Diddy

According to the Washington Post (link via Wonkette), P Diddy is auctioning off a chance to accompany him to vote on eBay:

" 'Vote or Die' T-shirts and bazillions of appearances on cable news and MTV still aren't enough for P. Diddy and his nonprofit Citizen Change group. The hip-hop king started an auction on eBay on Monday offering a voting-age citizen the chance to accompany him to the polls. As of yesterday afternoon, the bidding had climbed to $2,000."

Bids are made here, and it is up to $2,004. But, to be frank, for $2,004 he had better fetch us a glass of our medicine -- neat. If The Corsair is going to pull the lever for either one of these cats, he must needs be three sheets to the wind.

If you love this blog then buy this for The Corsair. Do this for me, peasblossom. We want to vote with the P- Diddy.
A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Ving Rhames, Kojak. Psst. You want some mysteries, little girl? You want some crime tales? A llittle gritty urban street treat? Then, dear reader, what you want is a newjack Kojak, 'cause according to the AP, crime is ablout to undergo a tough time:

"'Who loves ya, baby?' Ving Rhames does.

"Rhames has signed with USA Network to a weekly series of 'Kojak,' debuting in March, Bonnie Hammer, president of USA Network and the Sci Fi Channel, said Tuesday. Filming begins in Toronto in January 2005.

"Production wrapped in August on a two-hour original movie, which will now serve as the premiere episode for the nine-week original series, the network said.

"Telly Savalas starred as the stylish, crome-dome Lt. Theo Kojak in the police drama, which aired from 1973-78.

"'Kojak' is a perfect USA series,' Hammer said in a statement Tuesday. 'The main character is a true American original, a crime-solver with an incredible mix of charm, street smarts and uncanny intuition. And in the hands of the great Ving Rhames, this is definitely not your father's Kojak.'"

Out: Jerry Allen Bradford, shot up by his own bitch. The doggie got up all gangsta in his grill cause he was giving his friends ice. And, a props of nothing, how come notorious criminals always have those sinister compound names?

Anyhoo, you'll remember that ass who tried to kill his dogs and wound up getting shot instead by one of them with quick paws? The SmokingGun has the poop:

"Meet Jerry Allen Bradford. The Florida dimwit, 37, has finally been arrested in connection with last month's attempted killing of seven puppies. Bradford, according to a police report, told Escambia County Sheriff's deputies that, after shooting three of the animals, he was 'holding one of the puppies in his left hand and another one in his arms, when the one in his arms began to wiggle.' The animal placed its paw on the trigger of Bradford's .38-caliber handgun, causing the weapon to discharge. Shot in the left wrist, Bradford raced to a Pensacola hospital, where he told cops he sought to kill the dogs because he was unable to find them a permanent home (investigators later discovered three puppies in a shallow grave at Bradford's residence).

"The four surviving animals were removed from the alleged puppy killer's home by animal control workers. After recuperating from the gunshot wound, Bradford was charged last week with felony animal cruelty and briefly booked into the Escambia County Jail, where he posted a $1500 bond."

In: Keith Richards. Not only does he sire hot chicks and play hott guitar licks, also, according to Ananova:

"Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards is set to play Johnny Depp's father.

"Richards has agreed to the role in Pirates Of The Caribbean: Treasures Of The Lost Abyss reports

"Depp has admitted that he based his character Captain Jack Sparrow on the aging rocker when he shot the 2003 hit Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl, and now the stars are reportedly set to team up on screen.

"Earlier this year, Depp was alleged to have expressed an interest in Richards playing his father."

Keith Richards in a Disney flick? We are living in the last days, people. The. Last. Days.

Out: Kimberly Stewart is engaged, and that's a damn shame, cause that's some fine ass:

Mighty fine ass indeed. According to something called the Big News Network:

"Rod Stewart's daughter, Kimberly, publicly announced her engagement to musician Cisco Adler by showing off her new ring at a Los Angeles music event.The 25-year-old rock offspring, whose mother is Stewart's first wife, Alana, has been unofficially engaged to Adler for some time, but Monday's appearance at the Radio Music Awards confirmed the news, reported Tuesday."

In: DVF. The fantastic Fashionweekdaily appreciated the fabulosity of the DvF cell phone party:

"'This is Diane von Furstenberg. Your phone is ringing.' And with that customized message (an actual option!), Vogue and Samsung�s party celebrating Diane von Furstenberg�s new cell phone kicked off loud and clear. With custom ring tones like 'Your lover!' and 'I have to tell you this' blended into the music playing throughout the party, models paraded throughout the second level of Henri Bendel wearing the designer�s frocks. As for von Furstenberg herself, when not chatting up a storm with party hostesses Alexandra and Theodora Richards, she, fur shrug and all, sat comfortably on a purple couch in, where else, her own in-store boutique. But did she always want to create a phone? 'No. This is something Vogue and Samsung put together,' she said truthfully. But she added, 'The people I cater to, for them a cell phone and lip-gloss go hand in hand. It was fun to create a phone with a holder that also doubles as a lip-gloss holder. And I chose a Warhol design because I think my young girls love Warhol. It looks like the phone fell into the painting.'"

More party news here.

Out: Excrement humor. There are certain things one comes to expect at a Jamie Foxx interview. If he's talking about his work on Ray, he will use the word "nuance," he will do his Ray impression and he will throw in a Mike Tyson impression. He will also segue into excrement. Always excrement. What would Freud say about that? He is fascinated by the subject -- here, in In Touch:

"In Touch: Did you ever get into any trouble when you were young, growing up in Texas?

"Jamie Foxx: Once, when I was really young, I stole what I thought was a candy bar from a grocery store. But it turned out it was really Ex Lax! For some reason, it seemed like a chocolate candy bar to me. So there I am, in my playpen, with my stoloen treat. Needless to say, I never stole anything again."

In: Musto Blind Items. We love Musto. This is a Musto-friendly space:

"What aging pretty-boy singer has a longtime partner, but was interestingly seen cavorting around a D.C. bathhouse? (Open relationship or just open legs?) What '80s rocker who always kept 'em guessing (like 'How dykey can she get?') did it with a bicoastal female publicist? What model who boasts about how writing comes so very effortlessly to her actually had a ghostwriter? What ex-child star says she's clean but was not long ago seen communing with a tall glass of wine? "

So very much more dish here.
R Kelly: McDonalds Employee

"You remind me of my jeep, I wanna ride it"

--R Kelly

The author of the above sophisticated expressions of love (Averted Gaze) has apparently "supersized" his career from peeing on girls to serving bushmeat in the inner city (Capuchin monkey meat, anyone?), according to today's Page Six:

"R. KELLY ended up at a McDonald's in St. Louis last Saturday night after he stormed off the stage screaming at the sound guy 'for screwing things up.' Kelly, who was performing as part of his and Jay-Z's 'Best of Both Worlds' tour, ' chatted up the manager of the McDonald's and wound up working the drive-through window for three hours,' said our spy. Even though it was the middle of the night and well past normal closing time, word quickly spread around the neighborhood, and pretty soon the McD's was overflowing with customers. Kelly's rep confirmed the incident."

I'm just saying that it doesn't make it a Mountain Dew just because R Kelly says it's a Mountain Dew.

And, while we're at it, The Corsair would keep this man away from distributing the happy meals as that's not a healthy demographic a liable corporation like McD's would like to expose to R Kelly, but at least he didn't "hoe-down" when someone screwed up. One the other hand, the act of "hoeing down" is all a matter of subjective interpretation.

Julia Roberts: Taking 5 Years Off For Her Twins

Where is Julia Roberts? We know she's going to be in the Ocean's Eleven sequel around Christmastime, but what about the paparazzi? Where are the pictures in Us Magazine of her in sweats buying groceries. The Corsair is a big (air quotes) "celebrity buying groceries in sweats" fetishist, if you really want to know. TMI?

Anyhoo: Why is Julia giving us "ice." Is The Corsair a freak simply because he wants to have paparazzi photos of the progression of Julia's belly during the pregancy? And is The Corsair a freak because he wants to put them over his bed separated into a triadic structure per trimester? What? I'm a freak? Whatever.

It's like Julia's disappeared off the face of the earth and doesn't want to be stalked anymore. No fun. The Corsair thought that, subconsciously, all celebrities wanted to be stalked. Dirty little bitches.

According to Hello! Magazine, we can look forward to a 5 year haitus from Julia (phooey!), who recently, had a bit of a scare:

"Pregnant movie star Julia Roberts is being kept in hospital for observation after starting contractions two months early. The Oscar-winner, who is expecting twins in January, was rushed to a Los Angeles hospital by her cameraman husband Danny Moder early on Saturday morning. The 36-year-old was connected to a foetal monitor until the contractions stopped, and both she and the babies are now said to be fine.

"It is expected she will be confined to bed for the remainder of her pregnancy, however. The scare comes just a few days after Julia inadvertently revealed the sexes of her children.

"Speaking in an interview to promote her forthcoming flick Closer, the actress let slip that she is carrying a boy and a girl. Having recently completed filming on the crime caper Ocean's Twelve, Julia is also planning to take a long break from the movies. According to her personal trainer Kathy Kaehler, the performer may be off work for as long as five years. 'She's waited so long to be a mother, and fought so hard to be one, that she wants to devote all her time to her babies,' explained the fitness instructor. 'She says she's taking at least five years off to raise her twins.'"

How long do you think before Julia Roberts' fitness instructor is Julia Roberts' ex fitness instructor for giving that kind of a quote away? Hello!Magazine must have plied her with crack cocaine. You know those Brits. They're crafty ...

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Ashton Kutcher: Punk'd

Was Ashton Kutcher punkd by Bush?

From The Washington Post (Link via Wonkette):

"Speaking of celebs on the campaign trail: Ashton Kutcher is known as the guy on MTV who punks his unsuspecting Hollywood friends. But at a rally for Democratic veep candidate John Edwards at a Dubuque, Iowa, hockey rink yesterday, Kutcher told a rather excited crowd that he, too, has been punk'd -- by George Bush.

"'I thought he was a good ol' boy,' the Iowa native told the ralliers about why he voted for Dubya in 2000. But 'unlike Bush, I know how to admit when I was wrong.'

"Someone in the audience yelled, 'You got punk'd!' reports The (Washington) Post's John Wagner."

The Corsair softly chuckles.

"'Yeah, we got punk'd,' Demi Moore's boy-toy said to a round of cheers, adding: 'I'm not a politician, but I'm not an idiot, either. I just play one on TV.'"

In other news on the Kutcher front, via Femalefirst:

"Brittany Murphy has apologised for hinting ex-boyfriend Ashton Kutcher has a small manhood.

"The sexy actress, who dated the handsome star after meeting him on the set of 'Just Married', revealed Ashton's little secret on a recent US chat show while talking about his relationship with older woman Demi Moore.

"She said at the time: 'I suppose that the crux of their relationship is that, to him, age doesn't matter and, to her, size doesn't matter.' But Brittany insists she was just joking and has said sorry to the 'Punk'd' presenter for making the cheeky comments.

"She said: 'My trouble is I talk first and think later. I didn't mean to cause him any offence.'"


After that dreadful Catherine Zeta-Jones story, The Corsair has taken on the editorial blog policy "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." And that philosophy has worked pretty well by us. We still get suckered from time to time, however, as was the case of the Angelina Jolie adopts Russian baby named Gleb thingie. How was The Corsair to know that a woman who prompts her lovers to wear her blood and soul kisses her brother on tv wouldn't color coordinate her Cambodian adopted baby with a beautiful little Russian adopted baby. Alas.

Pop cultural celebrity blogging is so complicated.

My bad.

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Hugh Grant Versus Julia Roberts. What's up with this? The Corsair always secretly believed that Hugh Grant was, in fact -- despite the role of the the silly Britisher doff which he so expertly plays -- actually a nasty, vicious, arrogant, imperious, asshole. Not that that is based on any actual empirical data. Rather it's probably based on some messy residual Uganda-Britain postcolonial issues working themselves out in The Corsair's fevered consciousness. Either that or Acid reflux.

Anyhoo: my Hugh Grant as Asshole theory got a bit of a boost recently when Hughdie took the time out -- on Oprah, no less -- to bitchsmack an unsuspecting Julia Roberts, who is currently on hiatus from Timseltown to have a baby. This according to Ananova:

"Grant appeared on Winfrey's chat show to promote his upcoming movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason alongside Renee Zellweger and Colin Firth, when he was asked to share his thoughts on his Notting Hill co-star, Roberts.

"He quipped, 'Very big-mouthed! Literally, physically, she has a very big mouth. When I was kissing her I was aware of a faint echo.'

"As Winfrey stifled her laughter, she said, 'She's one of the nicest people I ever met.'
Grant jokingly hit back, 'I wouldn't go that far...'"

Out: Fijian fertility Potions. Gooey Pacific unguents. Eew. According to FemaleFirst:

"Britney Spears is reportedly drinking a traditional fertility potion in a bid to get pregnant on her honeymoon.

"The newlywed star, who jetted to Fiji with new husband Kevin Federline last week, has been downing the special tincture after locals told her it would boost her chance of conceiving.

"A source said: 'She's doing everything she can to prepare herself for having a baby. Usual blends of the cocktail can aid sleep but the one they have been drinking is an aphrodisiac and helps conception.'"


In: Jann Wenner on Bonnie Fuller. The Fashionweekdaily Quote of the Day:

"Bonnie is not a good boss. And her instincts and editorial policies were beyond what I consider to be tasteful or acceptable. There is a nasty edge."

Meeeow. Is that why she left you and not the other way round, Jann? Ka-Pow!

Out: Rock and Roll. This from Hollywood Life, October 2004:

"Dennis Hensley: Who'se been your most surprising fan?

"Hilary Duff: Hmm. Once I was in Johnny Roberts on Melrose Avenue with a friend and these two really tall girls with mohawks and piercings walked up to me. I was like 'I think I am about to get beat up here.' I was so scared. They looked at me and I just looked back and they said, 'We love you ! Could we get a picture with you?' (laughs) The other big surprise was Steven Tyler."

The Corsair audibly groans

"When Aerosmith was honored as an MTV Icon, I thought I'd been invited by some PR people but when I was walking to the red carpet he passed by and stuck his head out of the car and screamed, 'Hilary! Thanks for coming!' When my sister and I checked in, they told us that we were his guests for the night. It was so great because I'm such a huge fan of his."

Rock and Roll, RIP, 1953-2004, "Sing with me, sing for the years/Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears."

In: Stern Versus Powell. According to Drudge:

"Talk radio giant Howard Stern confronted his longtime FCC nemesis Michael Powell on Ronn Owens' KGO morning show on Tuesday morning. FCC Chairman Powell's interview on the San Francisco-based show (9-10am PDT) had been promoted in the media beforehand prompting Stern to unexpectedly call in for a tense 15 minute conversation.

"'The commissioner handled himself well, but seemed uncomfortable,' Owens told the DRUDGE REPORT in between segments. 'But he made no attempt to make me end the call.

"'Stern was firm but respectable. There was no yelling.'"

Out: Tom Ford's Absurdly Expensive New Book. My blogger wife, the Magnificent Miu Von Furstenberg -- beauty and brains -- tells us "Tom Ford's New Book, the cleverly titled Tom Ford, is retailing for $325.00 ($238.00 at Amazon)." More here.

How Tom Green And Drew Barrymore Hooked Up

From Tom Green, Hollywood Causes Cancer:

"We were about to do the last take of this (Charlie's Angels) scene where I stood on the bow of the boat, a good 10 to 15 feet from the water. It wasn't a little fall, but its the kind of thing I would have done on a tv show without thinking twice. At that point, I had never met a stunt coordinator and didn't need one. McG came up to me right before the take and said, 'Give me your mike, we don't want to fuck up your mike.' I was going to do it. We took my mike off secretly, told no one what was about to occur, and we began to shoot the bit. Drew walked by and I said 'Well, what is it, is it the Chad?' I'm doing a scene with someone whose been acting since she was four years old. I didn't know what I was doing, but I knew how to fall in the water. So I did, eggs, spatula and all.

"I got out and all hell broke loose. The first assistant director was screaming, 'what the fuck is going on? You fucking can't do that you idiot!' And everybody on the set was freaking out. I'm sure they're calling the studio and checking the pollution levels of the water and were ready to kick me out of show business.

"McG, on the other hand, was elated. And when I looked for Drew's reaction, she was laughing her ass off. I think she thought it was the coolest thing in the world. I know I did. And, of course, that take was used in the movie.

"Afterward, Drew asked me to join her and a couple of friends/assistants for a drink. 'Sure, yeah, okay.' She wrote down her name and cell phone number with a little heart on a scrap of paper. We were traveling in two cars, and she wanted me to have the number in case we got separated. Later, while we were driving to the bar, she jumped out of her car in traffic and jumped into mine. I guess she really didn't want to get separated."

Okay, that's hott. A little looney, yes; but hott. The Corsair like a woman with "the spice." The cell phone number "with a little heart" may have been de trop, but jumping from car to car in Los Angeles traffic -- so very hott. The Corsair will never quite look at Ms. Barrymore the same again.
Garfleck: Out and About

Perhaps it's the romance of peak foliage season? Acid reflux? Or, perhaps, the Boston Red Sox surge just brought out the boldness in "Garfleck." Whatever the cause, "it" is no longer content to skulk in the shadows, haunting the Los Angeles hotspots in fear of the paparazzi glare. Clare Danes and Billy Crudup take heart -- Garfleck is on the loose, and, worse, they have been spotted "canoodling"! As chronicled by Hello!Magazine:

"Any doubts about Ben Affleck's rumoured romance with Jennifer Garner were laid to rest at the weekend, after the couple were pictured canoodling at a baseball game. Ben, who is a passionate Boston Red Sox fan, brought his new love along to watch his team take on the St Louis Cardinals. The pair caused quite a stir when they took their seats in the VIP box at Fenway Park.

"But they made no effort to conceal their affection for one another, kissing and cuddling despite the attentions of the other fans. Up until now the actor has worked hard to keep his relationship with Jennifer under wraps. The two first met on the set of the 2003 action flick Daredevil, but they didn't start dating until earlier this year. And Ben was anxious to avoid the kind of media frenzy that followed his failed romance with Jennifer Lopez."

"... But Jennifer might have some competition from one of her leading man's previous co-stars, because Matt Damon says he is looking forward to sharing his twilight years with the actor. 'I can well imagine growing old with him,' said the Bourne Supremacy hunk. 'My longest relationship with a woman lasted two and a half years. That's very short when I consider how long I've been friends with Ben.'"

The Corsair wants to sublet some space inside that adorable dimple of Garner's. But can a that dreamy dimple beat out ... "Southie Love"?

Monday, October 25, 2004

Elton: Ghetto Rescuer

According to the 3AM Girls:

"We always knew Elton John was a generous guy, but now we have the proof.

"The singer likes to shower his mates with pressies and, according to Mary J Blige, 'he gives the most amazing gifts in the world.'

"The R&B singer told 3am: 'He gave me a gorgeous, black lacquer grand piano as a house-warming gift and for my wedding day he gave me a beautiful portrait of Billie Holiday.'

"Mary adds that Elton 'has such fabulous taste it's a joke. He's just one in a million.'

"And its not just gifts Elton's useful for. Mary said: 'I could be in the middle of the ghetto and he'd come and rescue me.'"

The Corsair loves Elton John -- so much so that we're leaving aside entirely the fact that this article just actually substituted the word "pressies" for presents. Elton's sad songs say so much; he's not the man you think he is at all, oh no yeah yeah, he's a rocketman ...

... But were we alone, unarmed, in the ghetto, in the PJ's, homies throwing us "ice," if on a winter's night a traveler at -- say -- 3AM on the Baltimore street, well, er ... Elton wouldn't be The Corsair's first choice to watch his back, so to speak.

That whole Fragonard look that he sometimes rocks at parties is hott, but it might offputting the crips.

Like, a lot.
A Little of The Old In and Out

In: Paper Magazine. The Corsair would not be the snarky pop culturally obsessed B-List blogger that he is today if not for the nurturing of Paper Magazine, a philosophy degree and a steady diet of Page Six. LA.Com on Paper's 20th Anniversary celebration on the left coast:

"Kim Hastreiter said she was thrilled to see hookers and bums on Hollywood Boulevard. The co-editor and co-publisher of Paper magazine saw them last night on her way into Star Shoes, the Hollywood nightclub where she and her editing and publishing partner David Hershkovits celebrated 20 years of Paper's existence (and the new book commemorating the trailblazing hipster mag, copies of which they will sign tonight at Book Soup). 'New York is so richie rich,' she said (meaning the economy and not, we assume, the club kid/fashion designer of the same name). 'But LA still has hookers and bums. I love that!' There were none of those types at the party ... Artist Coop and his wife/muse showed up, as did Pedro Almodovar and Penelope Cruz."

The Corsair hearts David and Kim, godparents of legions of freaks like me. Check out pics and more here.

Out: Marcia Cross. That significant cultural artifact The National Enquirer flings this accusation like a capuchin monkey (duck!!):

"Marcia Cross plays supermom Bree on the hit series 'Desperate Housewives'--but in real life, she backed out of an adoption because she refused to sacrifice her career to be a stay-at-home mom!

"That's the stunning charge of Jessica Ridner, 32, whose heart was broken in May when the actress decided not to adopt her child--just as production was gearing up for the darkly humorous ABC drama about the secret lives of suburban housewives.

"'Marcia had promised me that she would be a stay-at home mother to my baby, but it was all a big lie,' Jessica told The ENQUIRER.

"'Two months after she backed out, I saw promos on TV for Desperate Housewives. Everything made sense. I understood why Marcia changed her mind--she was working!"

Oh no Bree didn't!

In: The Richards Girls, rocking the jet set. So fucking hott, they remind me of my jeep. Can I go for a ride? Keith Richards' daughters are painting the town red, like papi like daughter, according to Fashionweekdaily:

"... (T)he Richards girls (Alexandra and Theodora) have a busy night in store: they're hosting the Vogue and Samsung party for Diane von Furstenbergs new cell phone tonight and have also confirmed for Donna Karans 20th anniversary bash, where other expected VIPs include Angela Lindvall, Anna Wintour, Iman and Brooke Shields."

You know what they say -- A Rolling Stone gathers no moss.

Out: Club Paris. According to the AP:

"Paris Hilton is opening Club Paris and designing her own personal suite at the Aladdin hotel-casino on the Las Vegas Strip. The property was recently purchased by an investment group led by Robert Earl, Planet Hollywood's founder and chairman.

"'Las Vegas is hot, Planet Hollywood is hot and I wanted to be part of the newest, hottest resort in Las Vegas,' Hilton, 23, said Saturday night at the Aladdin when the project was announced.

"'I will see everyone back here on New Year's Eve when I officially open Club Paris in Las Vegas and Orlando on the same night! That's hot,' exclaimed Hilton, who was wearing a black and gold Roberto Cavalli mini dress and clutching her pet Chihuahua, Tinkerbell."

Will African-Americans have separate but equal facilities? And, since Tinkerbell is of dusky hue ...

In: Me. Omigod!! Like, WTF!!! The Corsair is in Page Six. Am I dreaming?! Can someone tell me if I'm dreaming?!!

"SOMETIMES it takes being cast in a movie to reunite two old acquaintances. Mike Bencivenga, director of 'Happy Hour,' the new indie flick starring Anthony LaPaglia and Eric Stoltz, and real-life scribes like The Post's Steve Dunleavy, Malachy McCourt and Pete Hamill, tells blogger Ron Mwangaguhunga an interesting bit of trivia: 'Jack Newfield and actor Robert Vaughn reunited after 40 years on this film. The last time they were together was at JFK's funeral in 1963. 'The last time I saw you,' Newfield said to Vaughn, 'There was a coffin between us.' "

The Corsair can die now knowing that his potentiality is now actuality, that his mission on earth has been fulfilled, his name was in Page Six. *The Corsair faints*

Seriously, Richard Johnson and Chris Wilson have made my fucking millenium. Rock on, Page Six, now and forever.

Out: Heidi Klum's Annual Halloween Party. The Corsair didn't get an invite, but, according to Fashionweekdaily:

" ... the hot ticket this weekend will be Heidi Klums annual Halloween bash, hosted by Marquee."

And The Corsair doesn't get an invite? I'm in Page Six, bitch!

In: CHER ISSUES BUSH WARNING AT DISCO. Thanks for the heads up, Cher. Our favorite Headline of the Day. Cher, drag queen idol, keeps it real, keeps .. it ... real real ....

Out: Mark Cuban. The Corsair has interviewed the guy, and, to be frank, he was okay. That was then, this is now. After all The Benefactor fallout -- he's getting odd on his blog, real ... odd; and he calls himself "the Mavs":

"Please, please, please. Do not get the Mavs office address, or the address of any of my companies and send me a package with a shoe or a fake foot so you can get 'your foot in the door'. Do not send me a rubber chicken because you read it in a book.

"You may think it?s clever. I don?t. If you are trying to be clever, be clever and unique. If you aren?t sure if something you are trying is unique, it probably isn?t. That said, the value of clever is that it might give me a chuckle. It won?t help you accomplish whatever you are trying to get done, only substance will do that.

"If you are looking for money for any of the millions of wonderful or painful reasons someone might ask for money, DO NOT send it to me in a fed-ex or overnight delivery package. My first thought is always, if they need money so badly, why are the spending so much to send me this package.

"If you are trying to raise money for a business. Your chances with me are slim and slimmer. If you want to risk it by sending me something, that is your choice. One thing that will immediately kill your chances is if you send me junk. Don?t send me a golf shirt, a coffee mug, a pen, a flashlight, or anything for that matter."

Uhhh, okay dude.

In: The Corsair is intrigued. This popped up in his email box and he's going to pass it along, if only because we want to see what our readers have to say:

"Ladies, is your man cheating?or gay?

"Is he fooling around or could it be that he?s gay?

"As it turns out - many men are actually gay, but still continue to live their life as a 'straight man'.

"Were you 'taken' by one of these men? If that's the case, tell your story in this revealing new book!"

Usher Sex Tape?! You Betta Ush Your Mouth!!

According to Rush and Molloy, Usher has a sex tape out, and, uh, they viewed a portion of it, for, ah, journalistic purposes -- yeah, that's the ticket. Soon to be released for $5 up and down 125th Street and Harlem from shady Senegalese street vendors:

"The tape is said to have been made when he was 19. According to a source who has seen the tape, the then-up-and-coming singer was introduced to the two women by the owner of a club where he performed.

"'The club owner wanted to show his gratitude,' the source tells us. 'So he hooked him up with these ladies.'

"A portion of the tape, which we viewed exclusively, shows a naked woman moaning, 'Ush,' while TLC's 'Waterfalls' plays in the background. (You'll recall that Usher used to date TLC's Rozonda (Chilli) Thomas.)

"The source, who has seen the complete tape, says, 'There's no doubt it's Usher. You can see him hamming for the camera.'"

And, in other news, Page Six writes of an Ush sighting, "USHER having tortilla soup and guava soda while waiting for his take-out at Dos Caminos in SoHo."

The hammy porn with the chickenhead soup was just the appetizer.

Don't go chasing chickenheads ...
The Ashlee Simpson Mess

The Corsair should never have doubted the pop cultural superiority of Paper Magazine's Mr. Mickey and my pal, red hott blogger, Casey on the subject of Ashlee Simpson. They said she was a fraud, and, well, The Corsair thought her nose was cute. What can a Corsair say? With Ashlee, "Ohhhh/It seems like I can finally/Rest my head on something real ..."

Their crystal balls, so to speak, was clearer than mine -- kudos, guys. As The Defamer sums up the little Saturday Night Live disaster:

"So, we were so totally psyched for Ashlee Simpson's appearance on Saturday Night Live last night that we, like, haven't slept for three days. But then she finally came on stage to do her song and we could hear her singing before she even put the microphone up to her mouth! Then the singing went away. Ashlee looked soooo confused, then she broke into some kind of weird Riverdance jig, laughed the way people laugh when they find out that one of their parents just died--you know, like 'Nice joke!,' before it really hits them--and then wandered off stage."

And, Salon's Heather Havrilesky noted:

"... Ashlee did a goofy jig for a few awkward moments, then smiled sheepishly to the audience. Then she slinked offstage. As her band continued to play 'Pieces of Me,' the guitarist and the bassist exchanging a knowing smirk, and then the show cut to a commercial."

Act the Second: The part where Jude Law aquits himself well while Ashlee Simpson makes matters worse: At the end of the show, Jude Law was philosophical and suave as the final strands of SNL music played sadly, "Ladies and Gentlemen, what can I say -- Live TV ..."

Ashlee Simpson responded, "Exactly, I feel so bad, my dancer played the wrong song ... I make no excuse, I'd like to do a hoedown ... I'm sorry ..."

Jude Law (charming): "Ashlee Simpson ..."

(clapping, laughter)

Part the Third -- Fallout. As you can imagine, The Velvet Rope is Brimming with Violence, like this post by what sounds like an industry downsizing victim named "IHatePondScum":

"Hope all the industry weasels that frequent this board enjoyed that disgrace tonight, because you are part of the culture that made it happen.

"Much like Ashlee herself, you are exactly what is wrong with music and art in the world today.

"A big 'fuck you' to every single one of you.

"See ya - and thrilled not to be ya..."

And, from TabithaSecret:

"Now maybe the questions should be:Do more people tune in tomorrow night to the radio music awards to see if the falls on her face again, sings, or bacjs out?

"Will she go on with her instore in NJ at Best Buy on the 28th?

"And wow to the spin on her message board... if all her fans are that clueless there really is no hope for the future."


"Maybe now people will pay a little more attention to what Elton John was saying about Madonna a few weeks ago."

Aww, just go on to the thread yourself -- The Corsair cannot do it justice ...