Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Six Degrees of Nicolette Sheridan: The Master's Edition

It has been almost a year since The Corsair started the game that is taking America by storm, Six Degrees of Nicolette Sheridan.

It seems that everyone in Hollywood is separated by Six Degrees ... of Nicolette Sheridan, that is. As a media wag recently remarked, it seems that everyone in Hollywood has had "a crack at her." So crude and yet so viciously accurate.

I mean, what do Harry Hamlin, Marcus Allen, Scott Baio (eew) and Leif Garrett, James Woods and countless others, like George Clooney have in common? Nicolette, of course! They are among legions of men who have waded in the shallow depths that are Nicolette Sheridan. Manwhores like Bruce Willis and Mick Jagger or apple-pie munching whorelets like Jack Nicholson are a dime a dozen, they're not interesting, they'll screw any old hole. But what makes Nicolette so interesting from the standpoint of a cultural anthropologist is the premium she sets on the celebrity of her conquests.

"Nicolette even shows up in a cameo in You'll Never Make Love in This Town Again -- the oily bio by a bunch of Heidi Fleiss ex- call girls. Of course, our Nicolette wasn't "hooking," but she was "hooking up" with Marcus Allen, whose, uh, 'member' was so large that Nic, well, Our Girl Nic had to invite people to witness it.

"Everyone's all-American girl; that little (Averted Gaze) "slice o' heaven."Nicole has a higher proportion of actors and sports stars on her list than most people. She likes to date the famous, kinda like Rosario Dawson, but with a lot more mileage. A lot.

I mean, has anyone else ever become famous for the person they are dating? Then again, Nicolette Sheridan is not exactly famous -- she's Lifetime movie famous. (ed Note: Since The Corsair wrote this Our Nic has hit the network tv jackpot)

Let's play Six Degrees of Nicolette Sheridan with, hmmm, Dean Cane.I'd personally go the Brooke Shields route on that one. Brookie allegedly lost her virginity to Dean Cane at Princeton. Brooke dated Michael Bolton. And Bolton dated ... yes, there you have it ... Nicolette Sheridan. Like the Buddha, all roads in Hollywood lead to Nicolette.

How about Madonna? Madonna was married to Sean Penn, who dated Elle McPherson, who dated George Clooney who dated ... you guessed it ... Nicolette!

Hint: If you get stuck, try to get to Pam Anderson (through Scott Baio, whose buddies dubbed Baywatch "Baio-Watch" because of the number of women he dated on the show) or Joey Fatone (who "dated" Kathy Griffith who slept with Leif Garrett) or Heather Graham (through Jimmy Woods). Those are what I call lifelines that can help you navigate the bodies.


Anonymous said...

Okay is it just me or does she look a little weird from the Botox she gets? Teri Hatcher too..... -Case

Shaw Israel Izikson said...

Hey, any girl would look that funky-ass weird after they'd date Scott Baio.

The Corsair said...

Nikki loved Chachi. Eew.