Monday, October 25, 2004

The Ashlee Simpson Mess

The Corsair should never have doubted the pop cultural superiority of Paper Magazine's Mr. Mickey and my pal, red hott blogger, Casey on the subject of Ashlee Simpson. They said she was a fraud, and, well, The Corsair thought her nose was cute. What can a Corsair say? With Ashlee, "Ohhhh/It seems like I can finally/Rest my head on something real ..."

Their crystal balls, so to speak, was clearer than mine -- kudos, guys. As The Defamer sums up the little Saturday Night Live disaster:

"So, we were so totally psyched for Ashlee Simpson's appearance on Saturday Night Live last night that we, like, haven't slept for three days. But then she finally came on stage to do her song and we could hear her singing before she even put the microphone up to her mouth! Then the singing went away. Ashlee looked soooo confused, then she broke into some kind of weird Riverdance jig, laughed the way people laugh when they find out that one of their parents just died--you know, like 'Nice joke!,' before it really hits them--and then wandered off stage."

And, Salon's Heather Havrilesky noted:

"... Ashlee did a goofy jig for a few awkward moments, then smiled sheepishly to the audience. Then she slinked offstage. As her band continued to play 'Pieces of Me,' the guitarist and the bassist exchanging a knowing smirk, and then the show cut to a commercial."

Act the Second: The part where Jude Law aquits himself well while Ashlee Simpson makes matters worse: At the end of the show, Jude Law was philosophical and suave as the final strands of SNL music played sadly, "Ladies and Gentlemen, what can I say -- Live TV ..."

Ashlee Simpson responded, "Exactly, I feel so bad, my dancer played the wrong song ... I make no excuse, I'd like to do a hoedown ... I'm sorry ..."

Jude Law (charming): "Ashlee Simpson ..."

(clapping, laughter)

Part the Third -- Fallout. As you can imagine, The Velvet Rope is Brimming with Violence, like this post by what sounds like an industry downsizing victim named "IHatePondScum":

"Hope all the industry weasels that frequent this board enjoyed that disgrace tonight, because you are part of the culture that made it happen.

"Much like Ashlee herself, you are exactly what is wrong with music and art in the world today.

"A big 'fuck you' to every single one of you.

"See ya - and thrilled not to be ya..."

And, from TabithaSecret:

"Now maybe the questions should be:Do more people tune in tomorrow night to the radio music awards to see if the falls on her face again, sings, or bacjs out?

"Will she go on with her instore in NJ at Best Buy on the 28th?

"And wow to the spin on her message board... if all her fans are that clueless there really is no hope for the future."


"Maybe now people will pay a little more attention to what Elton John was saying about Madonna a few weeks ago."

Aww, just go on to the thread yourself -- The Corsair cannot do it justice ...


Shaw Israel Izikson said...

Ashlee Simpson? Lip sync? Nooooooooooooo!

Maybe this will stop SNL from booking sucky acts. Of course, they've booked Vanilla Ice, ABBA, Paula Abdul, Robert Klein etc.

Why is SNL starting to look more and more like Solid Gold? I'm just waiting for Marylin Macoo to come out and introduce folks...

The Corsair said...

just as long as the dusky dancer with the highwater booty, Darcelle, does a number. ;-)

Shaw Israel Izikson said...


Gastric distress?

Hm...izzit possible to lip-sync a fart?

(S)wine said...

Yo, the Lead Dancer on Solid Gold (Darcelle) was the bomb. Ron, can you dig up some current info. about her. That'd be brilliant.

(S)wine said...

In the Carson Daly interview, she called it: "Acid ReflEX"


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