Wednesday, October 20, 2004

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Tucker Carlson Versus Jon Stewart aftermath. The Corsair loves his "aftermath," oftentimes with a side dish of arugula, a spot of tea, and some garbanzo beans. Anyhoo: after the controversial CNN show in which said 98 lb white men in question went all Medieval on each other, the battle continued, a vicious exhibition of wanton rhetoric between two men that are of serious need of a robust multivitamin. Serious need. According to Page Six:

"After the show was over, 'I gave him my cellphone and said, Call me any time when you wanna talk about how evil we are,' Carlson told PAGE SIX. 'But then he was waiting back in the green room. He was sitting back there telling us how we were destroying civic life in this country and how bad we are. I had dinner reservations so I finally split, but he stayed there lecturing Begala and our producers.

"'It was like a really bad freshman survey course,' Carlson fumed. 'Just one long lecture. Not a single joke was told. People just don't want to be who they are. Every actor wants to be a director. It's not good enough for Barbra Streisand to star in Yentl. She has to be a foreign policy expert, too.

"Carlson continued, 'We've had a lot of hostile guests, but calling me a d- -k or making fun of my bow tie is not gonna rattle my cage. It's not like I haven't heard that before. I would think he would have had something more clever to say.'"

The Corsair snaps his fingers, moistens his lips, then says, with mock certitude, "Vicious!"

Out: Sharon Osbourne, Out of Control, giving out waay too much information. According to Ananova:

"Sharon Osbourne has had to have urinals fitted throughout her house -because husband Ozzy keeps peeing on the toilet seat.

"The X Factor judge had the bathroom fixtures installed at her Buckinghamshire estate in the UK after becoming fed up with the rock legend missing the target whenever he used the toilet."

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, Jellybean! ... more information than The Corsair needed to know about the Ozzmeister ...

"She said: 'We have to have urinals everywhere because Ozzy always misses the target and there's pee all over the seat.'"

Thanks for sharing, Sharon ... really, thanks --

"Meanwhile, Sharon recently confessed to spending a staggering 250,000 dollars on plastic surgery - saying it was worth it, reports Femalefirst.

"The 51-year-old star claims she was forced to go under the surgeon's knife after a stomach-stapling operation helped her lose weight dramatically - but left her with sagging flesh.

"Sharon said: 'After losing half my body weight I had flesh hanging everywhere. I had the sort of breasts you normally only ever see in the pages of National Geographic magazine.

"'So much needed doing that it couldn't have been done in one operation.'"

Hey! The happiest moments of The Corsair's Dickensian adolescence were spent in the company, so to speak, of the Tahitian covergirls of National Geographic, circa, oh, let's just say 1984 and be done with it, or, what have you, the barechested women of Micronesia, ahh, *The Corsair savors the mammaries, er, memories* National Geographic, or, as The Corsair likes to call it with fondness, "Nattie Geo," was a part of my troubled childhood. Never knock the Nattie Geo in front of The Corsair, naughty bits for boys who couldn't score the fake ID's.

In: Kate Winslet, Nude. You get the theme for today? Celebrity skin. The Corsair is having a bit of a dry spell but he won't bother you with the details. Apparently this zaftig honey -- Winslet, not I -- is not averse to getting butt nekkid, if the charity is right, according to The Daily Telegraph (link via Ananova):

"The actress says she would be happy to bare all in a fundraising photo shoot like Sarah Ferguson, who has posed naked to raise money for the Elton John Aids Foundation.

"She said: 'Doing a photographic project like the one Fergie is doing would definitely be something I'd be interested in. It sounds like a really good idea.

"'I've been out in LA for the past few months, so I hadn't heard about the book until I read about it but, honestly, I'd be happy to do it ...'"

The Corsair has an idea, an idee fixee, if you will: Blogapalooza, a charity for Bloggers. All proceeds to go to especially witty, horny bloggers who have unwholesome amounts of pop cultural baggage swirling about the brain and haven't had a date in about three weeks. Ducky? Call me, Kate ... Call me ...

Out: Governor Jim McGreevy. Rumor has it that he is only freeing $25,000 from the state coffers. Why is this thus? What is the meaning of this thusness? Because of McGreevy's affair with his homeland security advisor, who was incredibly unqualified for the job (and, quite frankly, some bigotry; as well as the strength of Bush on terrorism) New Jersey is in play. That means the Democratic Party is in danger of possibly losing the state because of Jim McGreevy. And, to remedy this situation: 1) He refuses to resign, making himself a bigger target, and weakening the party hold on the state and now, 2) only releasing a measly $25,000.

What an ass.

In: Missouri. As Missouri goes, so goes the US. The Corsair predicts that whomever wins Missouri -- Kerry or Bush -- will win the Presidency; it is my bellwether swing state. (Other versions of this parlor game say the same about Pennsylvania and Florida)

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