Saturday, October 23, 2004

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Bjork and Baby Isadora. Awww. This rare photo of the ferociously private and colossally talented Bjork and her daughter, Isadora -- with the Vaseline obsessed postmodernist performance artist Matthew Barney (It's a wonder she can even get a grip on the l'il one) -- is in today's Hello!Magazine:

This lil cutie has got some mad eccentric genetics, yo. Don't be surprised if, by adolescence, Baby Isadora assumes the power to control the weather. Or develops a "healing factor."

Out: Poo. You've got to let poo rule. This was a big week in celebrity excrescences. According to the SmokingGun:

"An overflowing toilet in Lenny Kravitz's $13 million Manhattan penthouse caused 'catastrophic water damage' to a neighbor's apartment and now an insurance company wants the rock star to reimburse it for a six-figure damage claim. In a New York State Supreme Court lawsuit filed Wednesday, Amica Mutual Insurance Company claimed that, in August, a Kravitz commode became 'blocked, clogged and congested with various materials.'"

And, further in the week in celebrity waste products, ABCNews reports:

"The Dave Matthews Band said Friday it wants to make amends after one of its tour bus drivers was accused of dumping human waste on sightseers on the Chicago River, but it stopped short of accepting responsibility for the incident.

"The Illinois Attorney General's office sued the band and the driver after the Aug. 8 incident, alleging that the driver emptied the vehicle's septic tank while crossing a bridge over the river, dousing more than 100 tour boat passengers with raw sewage.

"The band said it had contacted the boat owner and tour operator to try to identify the affected passengers. The band also said it has suspended the driver and donating $50,000 to the Chicago Park District and a nonprofit group that protects the Chicago River.

"'We hope by reaching out and helping now this will help demonstrate our commitment to step up if we are found to be the responsible party,' the band said in a statement posted on its'>its Web site."

And, finally, Page Six reports: "SHARON Osbourne has installed urinals in the family mansion in Buckinghamshire because her doddering hubby's aim is so poor. 'We have to have urinals everywhere because Ozzy always misses, and there's [urine] all over the seat.'"

And that's the poop.

Comment here or on Vh1's BWE Blog.

In: Jemima Khan-- What's New Pussycat? Meeeow. Rrrrrrr (The Corsair gives Jemima moist looks)

After the magnificent Miu Von Furstenburg, his blog wife, Jemima Khan comes in a distant, distant second as our favorite socialite. And, fans can check her out in Hello!Magazine today. And, by the way, Whomever put this online tribute together is a definite class A stalker. Waay too much attention lavished on the spread, but fun to read anyhoo.

Out: Johnny Rotten. Eew. From beautiful Jemima and Miu to the fugly degenerate Johnny Rotten:

According to Ananova:

"Johnny Rotten scared off a great white shark during filming for his new TV show.

"The former Sex Pistol came face to face with the shark while diving off Cape Town.

"But the shark, rated nature's most ruthless killing machine, turned tale and fled, says the Daily Star.

"The singer, who now goes by his real name John Lydon, was in a diving cage in an area called Shark Alley.

"He was filming for Channel Five's John Lydon's Shark Attack which is to be screened on November 3.

"As his cage went underwater, Lydon says: 'I'm an ugly old sod - but what you are about to see is a proper set of dentures.'

"A Five source said: 'It's a pretty tense moment as John and the shark stare at each other - but the shark appears more frightened.'"

The Corsair believes that the shark exercised good judgment. The shark didn't want any part of Rotten's degenerate "punk love." The shark was in line for a good "rodgering." Johnny Rotten's like that. He has an unwholesome interest in exotic creatures. Just as Nancy Spungen.

In: It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. The Corsair gets geeky and a little bit misty eyed when Charlie Brown is concerned, so bear with me. Childhood memories, friends, the patented Ron Mwangaguhunga Pumpkin Soup (TM) and pumpkin ale. Sounds like a party, no? The special airs on Tuesday. One constant that remains constant in a constantly changing world is how Charlie Brown transitions us into winter with the various specials -- Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I'm so there.

Out: Sen. John Breaux (D-La.), The Big Sleazy. So says TheHill:

"Top lobbying firms, including Patton Boggs and Baker, Donelson, Bearman, Caldwell & Berkowitz, are engaged in a bidding war for retiring Sen. John Breaux (D-La.).Earlier this month, Breaux joked to The Hill that he can barely afford a cup of coffee on his $155,000 annual income, a figure that is likely to look meager compared to his 2005 salary.

?'Three bucks to my name,' he complained this month, claiming poverty as he threw a few crumpled bills and a pile of change onto the counter in the Senate Chef restaurant in the basement of the Capitol. 'I?m in deep doo-doo,' he sighed as he emptied his pockets. 'Did my laundry ? had to run a tab.'But Breaux will be in the money soon enough. And he probably can afford to pay someone else to do his laundry after New Year?s. Asked about K Street rumblings that Patton Boggs and Baker Donelson were engaged in a bidding war to retain his services, Breaux laughed and indicated that many more lobbying shops that have contacted him."

Since Senators have lifetime membership privileges, they are mostly sought after by the oily, greasy lobbying firms, because of their "access" to the Senate cloak room. Eew. Even lame duck Jesse Ventura Senate appointee Barkley is now living la vida loca as an oily lobbyist with Senate access privileges. Eew.

Our democracy, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is sick. A 102 degree temperature.

In: Apple Pie. Most Americans would make love two, maybe three times -- The Corsair whispers four -- with their special someone, their sweetie meaty; and most Americans would eat one, maybe two -- at most three -- slices of freshly made hot American apple pie -- but Jack Nicholson is not "most Americans":

"A woman Jack brought up to his Mulholland Drive pleasure dome recalls: 'He could make love all night long. I stopped counting at seven.'

"Afterward, the book reports, Jack ate an entire apple pie before returning to lovemaking."

*The Corsair salutes Jack Nicholson, American Pie*

And, also in: Another El Greco -- one of my all time top five favorite artists -- has been found. El Greco's Batism of Christ. How hott is this?

Coincidentally, The Corsair loves Old Masters and Young Mistresses:

"An unknown painting by old master El Greco, discovered by chance in a brown envelope in a flat in Spain, will be offered for sale in December with a starting price of 600,000 pounds.

"The oil-on-wood portable altarpiece that fits snugly into a medium-sized envelope was found earlier this year when a man living in a small apartment in western Spain responded to an advertisement offering valuations of art objects.

"'He obviously didn't realise what he had,' a spokesman for auction house Christie's told Reuters on Wednesday.

"'It had been in his family since the mid-19th century and simply been ignored.'

"The painting, 'The Baptism of Christ', by Domenikos Theotokopoulos -- who signed himself El Greco (the Greek) -- is not listed in any catalogue of the seminal artist's works.
It dates from his brief period in Venice between around 1567 and 1570 ..."

More on Reuters.


Shaw Israel Izikson said...

Wrong dude.

The Halloween special airs this Tuesday. Thanksgiving is next month.

K - this is scary. A bunch of 30 yr. olds chattin' about Charlie Brown. Yup - this is da geek zone.

The Corsair said...

you're right. Forgive me. I've made the appropriate corrections in the text. Pumpkin ale is still in season, no?

Shaw Israel Izikson said...

Pumpkin ale is ALWAYS in season. yum...

The Corsair said...

thanks for the save, bro.