Monday, October 18, 2004

Angelina ... Where You Running to Now?

UN Goodwill Ambassador and Esquire Magazine's new "Sexiest Woman Alive," Angelina Jolie is not a superfreak-- she just acts like one. She's not the kind of girl you read about in new-wave magazines. That girl's alright with me ...

Sure, she just adopted a Russian baby named Gleb, who is blonde and blue eyed and will color coordinate just ducky with her Cambodian mohawked baby Maddox, whom she calls "Mad," and trots around the world on movie sets and UN missions. That vial of blood thing is so last week. But strings her thing, readers; my baby likes to be bound.

(The Corsair is just the blogger to lay down some -- Averted gaze, followed by a small closing cough of feigned detachment -- "international law," wink, wink )

According to Rush and Molloy:

"'A lot of my relationships just weren't honest enough,' the Oscar-winner says. 'So I took them down different paths toward violence or try to find somebody to hold me down and make me feel.'"

The Corsair cracks open a bottle of Cutty Sark, saucily lights up a Camel filter, dangling on his wet lips, puts on some soft and mysterious Couperin music and goes into The Zone (TM).

"'S&M sex can be misinterpreted as violence,' she tells Kevin Sessums in November's issue of Allure. 'It's really about trust. I like to push boundaries, both emotional and sexual, with another person. That's when I've felt the sexiest.'"

"The 1999's Best Supporting Actress for 'Girl, Interrupted' added: 'I've been in both submissive and dominant roles because I want more.'"

"... 'I've never been tied up,' she says. 'I have a feeling the person that does it will be The One. I think that's what I'd like.'"

The Corsair takes a long drag, flicks the butt, throws Jolie some "moist looks," emotes, then continues reading, moodily ...

"'I wouldn't sleep with a married man,' she says firmly. 'I have enough lovers. I don't need Brad.'"

The Corsair takes a hit off the Cutty Sark, wipes his mouthwith the back of his carpal-tunnel syndrome wrist cast, feeling his oats ...

"Her 'Alexander' co-star Colin Farrell? 'No,' she says. 'The reason Colin and I haven't become a couple is that we are the same person. There'd be nobody to ground us. We'd just be nuts.'"

It is the firm opinion of The Corsair that Ms. Jolie doesn't need the pretty boys. The pretty boys were too cool for the Boy Scouts; they never earned an Eagle Badge in the Figure Eight Knot. She needs a blogger. Once you go blog, you'll never go wrong.

Angelina wants to be tied up? I've got DSL lines, baby, and phat pipes. Baby phat pipes that she can adopt, if you know what The Corsair is cooking ...

Okay, alright, The Corsair will stop now because we're skeeving ourselves out.

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