A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Gangsta Puppies packin Heat. Don't mess with the puppies, and don't mess with their bitches. You know how they roll. We need stricter gun control laws when pooches are spraying slugs, slinging hot lead. Says this CNN story:

"A man who tried to shoot seven puppies was shot himself when one of the dogs put its paw on the revolver's trigger.

"Jerry Allen Bradford, 37, was charged with felony animal cruelty, the Escambia County Sheriff's Office said Wednesday. He was being treated at a hospital for a gunshot wound to his wrist.

"Bradford said he decided to shoot the 3-month-old shepherd-mix dogs in the head because he couldn't find them a home, according to the sheriff's office.

"On Monday, Bradford was holding two puppies -- one in his arms and another in his left hand -- when the dog in his hand wiggled and put its paw on the trigger of the .38-caliber revolver. The gun then discharged, the sheriff's report said."

In a blog entry entitled Yaay For Puppies, Ultragrrrl writes, "A puppy shot a puppy murderer. Watch your back, fucker."

We couldn't agree more.

Out: Shaquille O'Neill (special thanks to the eagle-eyed Tom from TheMediaDrop). The Shaquer is no stranger to the hip hop game. His two previous jointz, 'Shaq Diesel' (Averted Gaze) and 'Shaq Fu -- Da Return' are well known (The Corsair holds his nose). But, as MSNBC reports:

"Miami Heat center Shaquille O'Neal, on a new rap CD he is making in collaboration with DJ Vlad, takes some shots at former Los Angeles Lakers teammate Kobe Bryant, ESPN reported.

"On the song 'You Not The Fightin' Type,' part of the new CD 'Hot In Here Part Five,' O'Neal calls out Cincinnati-based radio disc jockey DJ Skillz and sings, 'Even with wings you never as fly as me ... you remind me of Kobe Bryant trying to be as high as me ... but you can't ... even if you get me traded ... wherever I'm at, I'm Puffy; you Mase and you're still hated.'"

"Bryant, who signed a seven-year, $136.4 million contract with the Lakers in July, was rumored to have influenced the Lakers not to renew coach Phil Jackson's contract and to trade O'Neal to the Heat, ESPN said."

Joke: How is Shaq different from General Motors? He cannot recall his own faulty products.

In: Miu Von Furstenberg. My blog wife, Miu (don't I wish) has this to say about Fashion Week here in New York:

"The New York Times commented that Kenneth Cole's had 'a vague whiff of disdain filled the air.' This was due to the short film that was presented prior to the show, that basically said we care more about fashion than politics. Well, a Chanel suit will last at least 20 years, and a President can only last for eight. Draw your own conclusions."

Conclusion? We love Miu Von Furstenberg.

Out: Dick Cheney. James Wolcott goes Medieval on Dick "Apartheid coddler" Cheney's tired ass in his blog:

"Responsible citizens are justifiably outraged over Dick Cheney's doomsday assertion that electing John Kerry in November would result in the country being struck by a terrorist attack that would make America whimper like a puppy and turn French.

"Even for a professional fearmonger like our vice prez, that does seem a trifle extreme.

"As a semiotician of pop culture, I am less interested in the content of the big ape's remarks than in the manner which which they were made."

Hey, billionaires blog, why not Vanity Fair scribes.

In: Choire Sicha.We heart Choire, but he had quite the summer -- we think; according to his blog, these are some of his suspicious "activities":

"... Ate squid tentacles and various other squishy icky sea things.

" ... Got a gross hematoma on my arm from being careless in storm surge. Yay! I beat it down.

" ... Watched someone get saved from drowning in a massive hurricane-residual riptide, thanks to some very good swimmers and people who bring 20-foot ropes to the beach which we always laughed at them about and don't laugh at them about any more.

" ... Fifteen minutes and a few hundred yards later, watched one or two someones possibly drown. Rumor of the death still unconfirmed, but the last I saw of their tiny heads bobbing way out at the foamy break, I can't believe they made it back without help.

"After a summer on the ocean, it's really all you can see when you shut your eyes at night -- a glassy green wave coming right up at you, or little black heads swamping back and forth far away on the white waves, unable to get to shore."

Stop it, Choire, you're scaring us.

Out: Kathy Buckley. She's hideously kinky. Remember Kathy Buckley? She played Blair Warner's (played so ably by Lisa Whelchel ... thank you, thank you) deaf comedienne sister on the Facts of Life. The mean kids at school used to say she was an "affirmative action" hire, but I liked her. I couldn't understand her, but she was down. Anyway: Hollywood has not been kind to the deaf performer, but I was checking out her website/ blog, and in it she is kissing up on a 71-year old man. The woman is -- as they say in Jamaica -- "scandalous":

"People are supposed to be getting along, not ridiculing and passing judgment on each other, I do a bit in my act about a black man I met in Chattanooga. He was a skinny little man about 71 years old; he was my bellhop. I fell in love with the man, I thought he was adorable."

"She couldn't help herself - she'd hug and kiss him.

"'Ma'am, do you know that I'm black?' he'd say.

"'And I go, When did this happen? Does it hurt?'"

"And he said, 'Sometimes... but you can't be kissing on me down here, people are going to be talking about you!'"

So deep. (sotto voce) So true.

In: The James St. James-Michael Alig Interview, Part 6:

"James St. James: So tell me about the drag queen who cut her dick off.

"Michael Alig: Well her name is Beatrice ...

"James: I love that name.

"Michael: Her name is Bea, but everybody calls her Big Bird because she�s really really, really tall and lanky and white. And she goes around the yard walking like a bird, picking each leg up, you know, like a stork, and wearing these really, really short shorts, tight short shorts, with shaved bumpy legs. She�s actually very you, James.

"James: (Laughs, but is secretly outraged)

"Michael: So anyway: We were in the package room together one day � and there is a big thing in here, where the drag queens like to dress as girls in underwear, thongs and panties and bras and stuff � and if you�re on hormones and you have boobs, they let you do that.

"James: You can get hormones in prison?

"Michael: Yes. That�s what that whole story in New York magazine was about.

"James: Oh right, right."

Read the rest of the interview here.

Out: 50 Cent. According to Vibe:

"50 Cent Sex TapesIt seems 50 Cent doesn't plan on going the way of Kobe Bryant anytime soon. According to Allhiphop.com, the G-Unit front man films sexual trysts that occur in his mansion via recording devices in an attempt to prevent frivolous charges. If he ever faced with a lawsuit, the rapper asserts, he'd put the images on the Internet until all charges were dropped. Hopefully, Vivica Fox was smart enough to invite him over to her house. "