A Little of the Old In and Out

In: The Upper Highbrow. It's not too cool to be too smart, I'm loathe to admit. It's all well and good to know the name Kant and to pepper ones conversation with the derisive "that sounds Kantian" when someone gets inappropriately intellectual at the cocktail party, but to discourse on the Categorical Imperative and it's implications on Kant's epistemology is, well, louche. Jejeune even. Knowledge isn't power: knowledge is offensive.

No, no (gently scolding with laughing eyes), when all is said and done, to be stupid is, ultimately, socially embarrassing (unless you look really hott), but, then, so is being too intelligent: it speaks of too much of time spent indoors, of pasty ungolden skin, of the encumberance of spectacles; mastering intellectually taxing texts is decidedly not a cool endeavor, to be sure. Effort and concentration must have been spent, and, in the end, does Paris Hilton looks as if she's ever made an effort at anything more taxing than a particularly difficult bowel movement?

I didn't think so.

In the end, better to be upper middlebrow than either upper, or middle -- it is inoffensive, and, in a democracy, where the majority opinion rules, inoffensiveness is a virtue:

"MediaBistro: Do you have any other political aspirations?

"Graydon Carter: No, I have no goals outside the magazine. I have a lot of different passions and this magazine is almost the perfect magazine for me. I'm not highbrow; I'm sort of upper-middlebrow, and I put things in the magazine that I'd like to read. We don't do any research studies about what readers like, or anything like that. I've been doing it for 12 years, and I could easily see doing it for another 12 years. I'll do it as long as they keep me around here. I've never thought of another job after this."

Out: Todd Meister. The Todd Meister. Todd-a-rooney. The Todd. Todd the Bodd. Toddy is in the Hilton shithouse. He tried to keep the party rolling; he tried to pull one over on the new wifey, Nikki, but he didn't count on the LA Party Girls Network. Sisters look out for one another, dude. Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.

Then, according to the National Enquirer, that significant cultural artifact, Nikki started to grind:
"The Todd-meister had slipped into LA without letting his new bride know . . . and was secretly partying at a pal's pad, sources say! Unluckily for Todd, Tara showed up at the same bash and immediately confronted the undercover groom! 'Where is Nicky?' Tara demanded. 'Does she know you're in town?' Todd admitted he'd just flown in from New York, where his business is based, and hadn't gone home to Nicky first. 'Please don't tell her you saw me,' he pleaded."

What a little bitch -- and I'm not talking about Nikki. Actually that little economic girly man should be glad he didn't run into that firecracker Bijou Phillips. That girl is punchy. She's liable to bust a cap in a motherfucker's ass.

"But girls will be girls -- and Tara phoned Nicky moments later to meow the shocking news. Nicky EXPLODED -- and immediately raced to the party to confront her elusive hubby! Trying to calm his raging bride, Todd told her: 'I flew in to surprise you and just stopped by to have a quick drink first.' Snapped Nicky: 'We're getting out of here right NOW!' She burst into tears and stormed out -- with Todd meekly bringing up the rear."

Good verb, "meekly":

"But it gets WORSE! Here's the rest of the story Nicky still doesn't know: Todd has secretly sublet a friend's LA condo so he can slip in and out from New York -- with Nicky none the wiser! . . . Now that's what I call chutzpah! In my never-ending quest for the facts, I contacted reps for Nicky, Todd and Tara. Nicky and Todd's mouthpiece neither confirmed nor denied the blowup but "unequivocally" denied that Todd secretly sublet a condo."

It's on like Gray Poupon Dijon.

In: Beyonce and Nas, Art Afficionado's. What do Jay Z's hip hop nemesis, Nas, and Beyonce, Jay Z's fiance have in common? Art, baby. According to the San Francisco Examiner:

"Beyonce's father Matthew Knowles, who also manages the singer, was invited to speak at an Urban Music Seminar in London, where he told conference-goers that his daughter is a real Renaissance woman. '[She] paints even better than she sings,' said Knowles."

And, similarly, Nas, famous for his groggy, crunked out flow, likes the Modernists, according to Blender:

"Nas has been painting for a while, actually. His favorite artists are Basquiat, Picasso and African-American modernists Leroy Campbell and Ernie Barnes (whose work graced the intro credits to the urban 70s sitcom Good Times)

"'I got a Leroy Campbell and a Miles Davis,' he says. 'The Miles is some abstract shit.' Of his own work, he says, 'it's, uh, nude women, sky, trees ..'"

(Averted Gaze)

Out: Them Hackey Boys, amateur MacGuyvers from Florida. The SmokingGun writes:
"Meet Pedro Garza, Joshua Hackey, and Nathaniel Hackey. The trio of Florida nitwits were in a McDonald's Saturday morning looking to get even for a bad milkshake they were served a few days earlier. Instead of seeking a refund from the manager, Garza and the Hackey brothers--both of whom are in the military--retaliated by cooking up a homemade 'acid bomb' that would have made MacGyver proud, according to the below Polk County Sheriff's Office report. The men placed toilet bowl cleanser and aluminum foil in a plastic bottle and then capped the bottle before leaving the Lakeland restaurant. Nobody was injured when the small bomb later exploded. Aided by store surveillance video, cops quickly arrested Garza and the Hackey boys and charged them with making and discharging a destructive device, a felony."

Well, they should enjoy their prison stay, as their amused mugshot pictures suggest. Eating prison fare, is, I'd imagine, a step up from roast possum with all th' fixins.

In: Foxes. Hands down, my favorite DVD of the moment. Buy it, memorize it, live it, love it. Here's what one astute reviewer said:

"In what other film can you see Jodie Foster , overwhelmed with teenage angst, come home from a night on the town and turn up 'More than a Feeling' while she sulks on the couch. THIS IS A CLASSIC! Not to mention one of the greatest high school party scenes ever. The song 'On the Radio' would mean nothing to me if it weren't for this film. Oh yeah, one more thing The Band 'Angel' live in concert, performing their hit '20th Century Foxes'- you've got to watch for yourself, that's all there is to it. Don't rent it, buy it, believe me you'll watch it again & again. You haven't fully experienced the 70's until you've seen this movie."

You better act like you know.