A Little of The Old In and Out

In: Russel Simmons, Impolitic. I usually reserve this space to hate on Russell Simmons something ferocious; I love to give them ice -- he, his self described "fly bitch wife" (Averted Gaze) and Dan Rather are my favorite media targets, but, well, sometimes -- every once in a while -- his refreshingly impolitic political statements make me laugh out loud -- and I mean that in a good way. Today we laugh with Russ, not at his excessive materialism and his dubious ghetto ways.

Will Simmons ever become Mayor of New York as, I suspect, he wishes, to fulfill his self image as defined by his parents -- both middle class city employees? Fuck if I know if he runs, but goddamn it, he's funny to the "Rocktober 2004" (Yes, they actually named it the Roctober issue) issue of Maxim, on the Republican juggernaut in Albany, the state capitol of New York:

"Maxim: What did you think when the New York State government accused you of giving illegal gifts to politicians?

"Russell Simmons: They can all suck my dick ..."

Brevity is the soul of wit.

Out: Krav Maga,and Madonna's Bodyguards. It was supposed to be a spiritual trip to the Holy Land to recharge and purify Madonna and slightly batty designer Donna Karan and, to top out the Surreal Life, Donald Trump's ex wife Marla Maples (WTF?!), among other pals, but, according to the BBC, the Israeli bodyguards thre down with some Krav Maga-like moves:

"Israeli police have arrested two of Madonna's bodyguards after an alleged brawl with photographers outside the singer's hotel.

"Madonna and her family are on a spiritual pilgrimage to mark the Jewish New Year.

"Two of the photographers, and a policeman who tried to break up the fight in Tel Aviv, were injured.

"Israeli police spokeswoman Liat Pearl said two security guards had been detained for questioning."

Marla Maples? We are still trying to figure out how Marla Maples, who relocated to a modest living in Georgia with her daughter Tiffany, got an invite.

In: The Sopranos. Sure, the show is on haitus until 2006, and, by then, we may even forget all about Adriana being whacked, or even Drea de Matteo ever having played Adriana-with-the-irritable-bowel-syndrome at all, and not Gina(two seasons of Joey will have passed by then!) Will The Soprano's finally bring home an Emmy for Outstanding Drama? Fuggedaboudit! According to Page Six:

"'THE Sopranos' hopes to finally take home an Emmy for outstanding drama series tomorrow. But tonight, producer Brad Grey hosts his annual pre-Emmy dinner at his home in L.A. for about 100 cast and crew. The dinner features a faux-award ceremony, complete with gag prizes. Among those expected are James Gandolfini, Edie Falco, Lorraine Bracco, Michael Imperioli, Steve Buscemi, Drea de Matteo, Jamie Lynn DiScala, creator David Chase and Time Warner entertainment chief Jeff Bewkes."

Just a hundred of his nearest and dearest. Somewhere, Gary Shadling's muffled cries ring out across the Hollywood Hills. Sounds like a little animal in pain. Joel was too busy serving the champagne.

Out: Tenacious D. Who can forget that touching moment in Michael Moore's documentary on the ravages of General Motors leaving Flint, Michigan, Michael Moore's hometown, and "the bunny lady" reduced by economic circumstances beyond her control, to gutting or selling rabbits. Well, Jack Black falls off the razors edge of comedy, actually finding -- humor! -- in her economic plight; so he tells Giant Magazine:

Giant: What was (Tenacious D's) first gig together?

Jack Black: It was at a coffee shop called Highland Grounds. It wasn't really a Tenacious D gig -- it was an Actor's Gang sketch Show where we played a song. Part of the show was that we were going to name ourselves. We had a list of names, and we were going to go with whichever one got the best response from the audience. One of them was "Pets or Meat," which we got from that Michael Moore movie ...

Giant: Roger & Me

Jack Black: Yes. There was a scene in it where a lady has a sign selling rabbits as pets or meat.

The Corsair groans.