A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Graydon Carter, Paranoiac. Toby Young, that bald one-note pony ("I will get Graydon Carter back!") reviews Carter's new book, of course negatively, gaining yet another shot-to-the-giblets against the Vanity Fair editor, while, to be sure, serving the nefarious ends of The Observer (and, by proxy, Arthur Carter -- 5th item) all-encompassing seething hatred of all things Graydon Carter. Young writes (link via Gawker):

"During the three years I spent at the magazine, the only politician I remember Graydon getting worked up about was Rudolph Giuliani. He was convinced that the Mayor had ordered a construction crew to start digging up the road outside his bedroom window in retaliation for a piece in the magazine about the Mayor's private life."

Paranoia?

Out: Vladimir Putin. Vladimir Putin, or, as I call him, Vladimir Putrid, has finally arrived at an event that would allow him to regain Russia's "lost military prestige," and, in the process, distract his population from observing how incompetent and corrupt his Administration truly is. And so, on the blood of the children who died this week at the hands of barbarian terrorists, Putin will once again prowl the world stage, finding it an excellent opportunity to militarize Russia. The Russian Bear is back, clumsier than ever, drunken, shabbily attired, knocking over all the complex diplomatic agreements arranged so intricately by The West. Fuck. According to the AP:

"Russia is prepared to make pre-emptive strikes on 'terrorist bases' anywhere in the world, the Interfax news agency cited the country's chief of staff as saying.

"With regard to preventive strikes on terrorist bases, we will take any action to eliminate terrorist bases in any region of the world. But this does not mean we will carry out nuclear strikes," General Yuri Baluyevsky said Wednesday.

"Baluyevsky added that Russia's choice of action 'will be determined by the concrete situation where ever it may be in the world.

"'Military action is the last resort in the fight agaisnt terrorism.'"

Great -- just what the world needs, a drunken bear stumbling across The Arena, following a quixotic course of its own, spreading pandaemonium.

IN: Tara Subkoff. I don't know whose idea it was to have a fashion designer interview the Under Secretary-General of the UN, but the result is unintentionally fucking hilarious. Tara Subkoff starts off by asking His Excellency Shashi Tharoor for Fashionweekdaily:

"Tara Subkoff: I?m completely obsessed with the UN. I have been since I was a small child. My great aunt was a nun in Patna for over thirty-five years. I remember going on a tour here at a very young age and it made a large impression on me. I think there was a Swedish restaurant that we ate in across the street. I don?t know if it still exists but it was very good."

And, of course, the interview continues on in that vain, painfully. I cringed. Tara continued:

"Subkoff: Who makes Kofi Annan?s suits?

"Tharoor: I don?t know who does. I do know he?s a very smart dresser, unlike the rest of us.

"Subkoff: So maybe Armani, you think?

"Tharoor: Possibly."

More hilarity at Fashionweekdaily.

Out: Alan Keyes. I like Alan Keyes, I know that somewhere in there is a philosopher-king waiting for an audience, but he has lived on (air quotes) "The Edge," in the rarefied air of Thinkers, for so long ... I'm not sure the pilot light is firing, as The Illinois Leader reports:

"This afternoon, Republican candidate for U.S. Senate Alan Keyes called a press conference in Chicago to respond to his opponent Barack Obama's recently expressed desire to give Keyes 'a spanking' in the November 2004 election.

"Keyes responded this afternoon by talking about the issue of respect, which Obama inferred was lacking in Keyes. Keyes said Obama was showing disrespect by discussing Keyes as if he were a child needing to be spanked.

"Upon questioning by a reporter, Keyes also indicated Jesus Christ would not vote for Barack Obama."

Okay, cheesecake, it's time to send Alan to the room with all the rubbery walls.