Thursday, September 16, 2004

Natasha Lyonne: In the Hour of the Wolf

Reports have been wafting their way around the blogosphere like opaque, mediciney smelling cracksmoke that Natasha Lyonne is indeed the "cracktress" running around downtown in New York City, that was fingered -- no pun intended -- by Page Six a while back. For example, entered into evidence, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is yesterday's Gawker Stalker, which notes:

"Tonight (Sept 14) I was at Lakeside Lounge (Ave B and 10th) with some friends, and we were watching this batshit crazy girl at the bar -- she was totally unwell, leaning on strangers, getting all up in other people's grills, etc. Eventually she came over to see about us, and I realized that she was not some random crazy lady, but instead a *ruined* Natasha Lyonne. She was friendly, but in an INTENSE crazy/crackhead way, and she asked for money. It was kind of awful."

To be sure. Avenue B and 10th qualifies as "downtown," and American Pie qualifies as a trilogy. So, although I am not 100 percent convinced that Natasha Lyonne is the cracktress, things are not looking good in her defense. I mean, how does one star in and narrate Woody Allen's Everyone Says I Love You, and then *allegedly* blast off on planet crackpipe screaming -- as the eyeballs roll into the back of her frizzy head -- "Beam Me Up, Scotty! Beam Me Up" *Allegedly*

Anonymous Outsider said, recently:

"A trustworthy female friend gave us the following account:

"(This last) Friday night, at 2 am, me and L-- saw Natasha Lyonne and a friend in front of a deli on 28th and 3rd. She looked so bad, L-- was actually scared enough of her that she wouldn't go into the deli when they went in there, even though she needed to buy cigarettes, 'that bitch is super cracked-out, I'm not going in there.' And she was definitely tweaking or something, she was wearing sunglasses and screaming at her friend, waving her arm wildly, yelling, 'that's what fucking cell phones are for!' Finally her friend left to do whatever (Natasha) had wanted her to do and (Natasha) was still standing outside the deli when I left."

Super stoned crack. So, that's two separate accounts that describe Natasha Lyonne as either "batshit crazy," or "definitely tweaking on something," *allegedly*, of course, which gives one pause.

I never really thought it was Parker Posey, anyhow.

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