Britney's Fake Nips --er -- Nups?



Say it aint so. The blogosphere (link and image via Drudge) is buzzing over Britney Spears' allegedly fake wedding nuptuals today. Ron Mwangaguhunga's Wedding Rule Number One: never trust a wedding to be real if they serve chicken fingers at the reception, that's the first clue that something's dodgy in the state of Denmark, or Louisiana, as the case may be. Real weddings have cheesy ice swan sculptures and things old, new, borrowed and blue. According to Drudge, People Magazine spent seven figures for exclusive photo rights. Henry Luce is spinning in his grave. But CBSNews.com says:

"Jess Cagle, People magazine senior editor and contributor to The Early Show, 'A lot was complicated because they moved up the date and next week, they�re going to file all of the paper work,' he said. So they�re not legally married now?

"'Not yet, although they have sort of followed everything by the book and that is the next bump in the story that you�re going to see: The wedding was a fake. It�s really not.'"

No, it just wasn't a legal ceremony.

They continue:

"... The (wedding party sweatsuits emblazoned with the words "Pimp" and "Pimp Daddy") that had been described and pictured in the media were worn at the party that followed the wedding, Cagle said. 'Everyone had beautiful clothes during the ceremony. After the ceremony, Britney had put on something else and then before they all went out partying later after the reception, they all put on juicy sweats.'"

"Juicy sweats"? What the fuck is that all about? I'm sweating rather juicily (The Corsair wipes his brow regally) as I read this disturbing tale, I must say. What's more:

"... Also untrue are reports of a cash bar at the reception. 'I think after they all went out to a club, maybe some people paid for their drinks,' Cagle said. 'However, they did get a drink free at the house after the reception.'"

So, there you have it, there was no "cash bar" at the reception. Oh, and there were no Slim Jims. They wanted you to know that as they continue to destroy with extreme prejudice their nuptual bed; 48 hours and counting ...