A Little of the Old In and Out

In: AJ Benza. Sure, me and AJ had a little spot of the old rough and tumble back in the day, but that's ancient history; you get two ego's like ours in a room and shit happens. That was then; this is now. His interview with the Black Table is hott (link via Gawker), for example, this tidbit:

"BT: Would you rather wrap your balls in prosciutto and let a pig eat them or kill a random homeless person?

"AJ: I know a lot about pigs. I know from some inventive people that when you want to dispose of a dead body, you drop it off at a pig farm because pigs can digest even the biggest human bones and make a corpse disappear. So knowing that a pig wouldn't stop chomping after my nuts-with-prosciutto appetizer, I'd have to go with the homeless person. I'm a self-preservationist."

Also, this memorable line, "(Michael) Musto is the funniest motherfucka in the biz. I used to read his column religiously before I got into the game and I wanted to BE him. He's bright, honest, hysterical and has the biggest balls around."

We wholeheartedly agree with you, AJ. Next time you come around to Brooklyn, the scotch is on The Corsair, what say you me and Musto hang.

Out: The Old Gray Lady (Link via Lindsayism). The Bitch. She eulogizes TMFTML thusly, "The acerbic blog of news, culture and media criticism called The Minor Fall, The Major Lift is stopping the virtual presses. The anonymous author, writing as TMFTML, has posted a 'Dear Internet'' version of a Dear John letter, saying, 'Our heart hasn't been in it.'' The author began the blog in May 2003 out of boredom and disgust with poor journalism, sharing ruminations on news items and writing headlines like 'If the East River Was Whiskey (We'd Go to Brooklyn All the Time).' (Ed Note: So would The Corsair) Now TMFTML feels that 'blogging is over,' citing attention in more traditional media. In an instant-message exchange yesterday, the author said, 'I'm still disgusted, but I'm too tired to do anything about it.'"

As Lindsayism notes, the "meta" sometimes gets in the way, "criticizing The Times for covering his resignation from a blog that got famous criticizing The Times. My head just exploded."

We like this eulogy best.

In: Jocelyn Wildenstein. I dig cat people. People who make their faces look like cats. In fact, Just this morning in the shower I sang a robust version of the Linda Ronstadt classic Cat Ballou. Hmm. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have mentioned that.

Anyhoo: A Gawker Stalker says:

"I saw Jocelyn Wildenstein emerge from a black Mercedes this past Saturday (9/18) night. She was heading into Pastis with a small group of people I didn't recognize. She is, by far, even scarier in real life. Her weird, cat-like face was so close to mine and my friend screamed, 'Don't look right at her!' and hid. She was wearing tight flared jeans with, like, leopard print paneling. I'm still shuddering."

"Emerge?" Come onm people, she's human.



Out: Musicians Behaving Badly. (above) First Cat Stevens was deported to London for supporting Chechen rebels, now, Sir Elton, while in Taiwan, has a little meltdown (and worse, wore an electric blue tracksuit and sunglasses), according to MSNBC:

"Elton John warmed up his vocal cords for a concert in Taiwan by telling photographers they were a bunch of 'rude, vile pigs.'

"The media ambushed the rock star after he arrived by private plane Thursday shortly after midnight at Taipei�s Chiang Kai-shek International Airport. John was angry that police allegedly didn�t properly restrain the pack and protect him 'from the ensuing chaos,' said a statement issued by the 57-year-old singer.

"ETTV cable news showed footage of John, dressed in a royal blue track suit and matching sunglasses, berating the photographers and TV crews as he cleared immigration. The fuming star also was shown clenching his teeth and muttering expletives as he stood with his arms crossed tightly across his chest.

�'Rude vile pigs,' shouted John, who performed later in Taipei. 'Do you know what that means? Rude vile pigs. That�s what all of you are.'

"One of the photographers shouted back, 'Why don�t you get out of Taiwan?'

"John answered, 'We�d love to get out of Taiwan if it�s full of people like you. Pig! Pig!'"

Come on, Elton, tell us how you really feel deep down.

In: Maybach limosines. According to Hello!Magazine:

"Jennifer Lopez doesn't know how to splash out the cash on her husband Marc Anthony.According to a British newspaper, the curvaceous singer, whose $30 million income placed her at number five on a Forbes celebrity rich list last year, has spent �500,000 on a luxury Maybach limo for her Salsa singer spouse.

"The impressive gift means that Marc is now just one of a handful of celebs � said to include Madonna and Arnold Schwarzenegger � to own one of the pricey, ultra-exclusive vehicles.The sleek sedan, plush and fully equipped, features automatic climate control, refrigerator, DVD player, two 9.5-inch flat screens and 21-speaker sound system, giving celebrity favourites the Rolls Royce and Bentley a run for their money.

"And with only a few hundred models sold per year � potential owners must be invited by manufacturer Daimler Chrysler to purchase one � Jenny can be sure that her hubby will be the only one on the block with the ultimate in bling-bling wheels."

Out: The Man Skirt. (Thanks to eagle eyed Tom at TheMediaDrop for the info. According to Defamer:

"A spy reveals Kutcher's latest sartorial breakthrough on the set of his new MTV show, You've Got a Friend:

"Last Saturday, Ashton showed up on set wearing a brown pleated skirt. It was the length of a kilt, but not plaid. He never referred to it or explained himself. He was not wearing it ironically. It was just what he decided to put on that day. I'm pretty sure the skirt is not a Kabbalah thing, so it must be a trendy metrosexual asshole thing."

Picasso tried to make it happen, lets see if Ashton has better luck.

In: Bloggers, the Fifth Estate, holding the mirror up to the media, speaking truth to power, blablablah. Wonkette says that the New York Times Magazine is finally doing their much awaited Blogger issue on Sunday. Is this the Matt Klamm piece? Why wasn't I contacted? I wonder:

"BREAKING: In a controversial, hard-hitting investigative report, The New York Times Magazine this Sunday explores 'blogging.' These 'bloggers' are said to influence media, politics. Fate of entire journalistic enterprise said to hang in the balance!!! "

And Jack Germond and Johnny Appel are on the cover, probably talking about "The State of the Media," or some other 3AM on C-Span type thing, in the wake of RatherGate. I could say something about a wide angle lense, but that would be cheap and beneath me.

Out: Saudi Royals. This from Popbitch:

"A famous London club nearly had a River Phoenix style check out at its party last week. A Saudi prince, a well-known fixture on the gay scene, collapsed unconscious on the floor after a GHB overdose. The club chucked him out and into an ambulance so he wouldn't die on the dancefloor. On the way to hospital the prince awoke and became paranoid that a trip to hospital would result in a huge scandal so he got his cousin, who was accompanying him, to bribe the medics with 400 pounds cash to take them home. But as soon as he got to his cousin's house the GHB really started to kick in, and the prince found himself on the sex trip from hell. He tried to fuck his cousin, and everyone else in the house. Eventually the cousin had the bright idea of ordering in a rent boy to keep the prince busy until the drugs wore off."

Like school on Saturday, those Saudi royals, "no class"!

In: Jail Cell Interior Decoration. In today's installment of the eerily fashinatinf "Phone Call From A Felon" series, James St. James and convicted murderer-club kid Michael Alig speak of interior decorating inside the pokey:

"Michael: Well some of the guys in here are really, really good at (decorating). You would not even know it�s a cell. You walk in and it�s like a room. They buy lots and lots and lots of towels and sheets and blankets and then they wrap or cover everything in towels or blankets � they even put carpeting down.

"James: Explain this wrapping thing.

"Michael: Well, like, the lockers and the tables, they�re old, so when you move into a new cell you spend the day scrubbing it down and cleaning the walls and cleaning everything, and then wrapping everything, covering it with towels and blankets so that everything is soft.

"James: So it�s just like the inside of Jeanie�s bottle!

"Michael: That�s just what I was going to say. Or a fort. Everything is wrapped in blankets.
James: And the guards don�t mind? There are no cell regulations?

"Michael: No, no. And then they take colored gels, you know, like at clubs, and cover all the lights with red or purple or pink or blue. Then they take their Walkman and they make these speakers-- people in here are electronic geniuses-- they take the headphones and they open them up somehow and they re-wire them. Then they make cones out of cardboard and attach them to the headphone speakers, and it makes them loud. They put them up in the corners of the ceiling, and then they have pink lights and the furry floor and the covered up cushion-y everything, and it�s like a little club, and it�s really cool, they�ll play like house music or disco or 'the rap.'

"James: 'The hip-hop.'

"Michael: (Doing an unlikely Bill Cosby impression) With the hippin and the hoppin and the bippin and the boppin . . . But it�s actually a really cozy little nook."

I'm sure it is (Averted Gaze).