A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Carmen Electra's Ass is the Rear of the Year. Carmen's got the bum that makes men go, "Yum". Carmen's got the pound-cake that makes men do a double take. And so on. And what not. According to Ananova:

"Carmen Electra has pinched the Bottom of the Year title from Kylie Minogue.

"Carmen, 32, defeated Kylie by 1% in the FHM survey reports the Daily Star.

"Beyonce Knowles, 22, took the third spot, while reigning FHM High Street Honey Kayleigh Pearson, 19, was rated fourth."

Somehow, FHM -- god bless those boozed up lads -- have managed to make profitable and media worthy my favorite hobby.

Carmen's got the tushy that makes men go all gushy. Comment on her badonkadunk here or on VH1's BWE Blog. Carmen's got the derriere ...

Out: The Olsen Twins. The twins went AOL at the recent VOTE FCUK 2004, French Connections 'Rock the Vote' party, according to Fashionweekdaily:

"CONSPICUOUSLY ABSENT: In addition to Angie (Harmon) and Jason (Sehorn), Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were supposed to be at the store co-hosting the event. The pair, who have been seen around town at restaurants like Nobu and other trendy nightspots, were a no-show, much to the dismay of the many, many fans who came down to the store to catch a glimpse of the city?s most famous twins (sorry Jenna and Barbara!)."

In: Ahnold. Love him or hate him (just what is a girly man, Ahnohld, and -- for the record -- did you accept "ploh-jahbs" from pouty lipped starlets on set while you were married to Maria Shriver?), his "How Do You Know If You're a Republican" speech found the clitoris of the Republican Party, rocking out the crowd and making him a player a la Giuliani for the next big campaign. Major 2008 Presidential buzz, to be sure.

Out: Jim Caviezel, Superman? In stark contrast to Ahnold, we have rat-eyed simpleton Jim Caviezel. A fine specimen. He played Jesus of Nazareth, the savior, God; but nooooo -- that's not enough for the dumb-as-nails Caviezel (have you ever heard him speak?), now he wants to play Superman (The Corsair shakes with anger). While The Star notes that the quest is still on to find the Kryptonian:

"Sources tell Star that the search may soon come to an end, with Smallville's Tom Welling, 27, and soap hunk Ryan McPartlin, 29, the leading contenders. Others still in contention are 35-year-old Brendan Fraser, who made his name in The Mummy trilogy, and another soap star, 24-year-old Brandon Routh.

"Despite the winnowing, Warner Bros. movie execs insist that the search is not over. 'We're doing a worldwide casting search,' an inside source tells Star. 'And we wouldn't be doing it if somebody had been cast.'"

But, apparently, Caviezel is their man, according to Page Six.

In: Reverend Billy's First Amendment Mob. Fellini couldn't have done it better is what I'm saying. Here's Newyorkmag.com's account of the "service":

"7:10 - The choir starts above the site. 'George Bush does not return to ground zero,' they sing in golden robes accompanied by a woman playing a small saxophone.

"7:12 - The police approach the choir, then walk away.

"7:15 - The Reverend speaks. 'Take the first amendment anywhere. Take it on the subway. Remember the first amendment is a prayer. Send it to our friends in Rikers. Give them strength.'"

Okay, cheesecake, but ... that whole "friends in Rikers," what's that all about, Billy.

Out: Cat Killing, felonious acts performed upon felines -- that's what I'm talking about. According to the IndieWire Toronto Film Festival Blog:

"In the Toronto Star, Ho Anderson reports on a controversial festival doc about the killing of a cat:"

Please people, let's not make any jokes about a person named Ho. Let's be mature about this. The killing of cats is a serious business:

"Toronto International Film Festival organizers have no intention of pulling a controversial film from the 2004 program, despite the outcry from local animal-rights activists.

"'This is about freedom of expression of the filmmaker to make a intelligent, responsible film about a difficult subject,' said festival programmer Sean Farnel of his decision to schedule Casuistry: The Art Of Killing A Cat. 'That's what the festival is all about, setting the terms for debate, not stifling them.'

"The 90-minute documentary examines the videotaped killing of a stray cat named Kensington at the hands of Jesse Power, Anthony Wennekers and Matt Kaczorowski in 2001."

RIP, Kensington ...

In: The Village Voice Strip Club Blogger: I like this chick. She's like our spy in the house of love. Or, lust. Today the waitress at the strip club blogs:

"(The Republican conventioneer customers) were equal opportunity employers, sampling every race and body type, giving the dancers--many of whom are immigrants or children of immigrants--the very shot at fortune Arnold spoke of in his speech. But as one man told me around 2 a.m. that he had been drinking for eight hours straight, it's quite possible they missed the speech.

"Through a little Internet sleuth work, I later discovered that one of them was a former chief of staff for a House Appropriations Committee member. As far as I can tell, he is now an executive of a lobbying firm, working in defense and homeland security.

"The club was not nearly as full as on Tuesday night. At most, I met a dozen men and one woman who were connected (their red wristbands and candy necklaces, souvenirs from a convention party held down the street, easily gave them away) or seemed to be connected to the convention. The rest--including Mr. Pioneer, who had promised to visit me every night this week--took their lechery elsewhere. As I counted out my tip money, I thought of what the massage girl had said to me on Sunday, when we were discussing whether things would pick up for the convention. 'If they're not in here getting fucked,' she said matter-of-factly, 'then they're over at the'? and then she named the gay bar down the street."

Out: Tom Brokaw, exiting stage left as anchor. Howard Kurtz gives an almost erotic assessment of Brokaw, the journalists journalist:

"Brokaw laughs, seeming very much the old pro here in Madison Square Garden as he presides once again over the quadrennial ritual. Yet Brokaw is interviewing (Karl) Rove not for NBC but for its cable sibling MSNBC, with a fraction of the audience, because the broadcast networks have all but abandoned the turf.

"His hair is nearly white now, and although the smooth baritone is just as resonant, his enthusiasm for political conventions has faded since he covered his first, 36 years ago.

"That's not because Brokaw, at 64, has lost interest in the anchor job he will surrender after Election Day, or in the political game he studies as avidly as a baseball fan scrutinizes box scores. But the political game has changed, the media business is more unforgiving, and the old gavel-to-gavel, backroom-dealing, anything-can-happen convention is a distant memory."

One can almost imagine Kurtz shooting moist looks at Tom, commenting on the tailoring of his suit. Media critics tend to get a bit turgid in their prose when the subject is The Tom, sounding somewhat "freshly fucked." But -- really -- I almost needed a cigarette after reading Kurtz's breathy profile here in the Washington Post.

In: Victoria's Secrets. Victoria Beckham's naughty bits are about to be made public, according to Hello! Magazine:

"Victoria Beckham's one-time fianc� is planning to lift the lid on his romance with the singer. Mark Wood, who was engaged to the former Spice Girl before she met her husband David Beckham, has collaborated on a new expos� to be screened on Channel Five.

"Until now the 32-year-old has shied away from media interest in his time with the chanteuse. But he apparently wants to get his own back for remarks she made two years ago in the ITV documentary Being Victoria.

"'For some bizarre reason we got engaged,' she said. 'He was an alarm engineer. If only he'd stayed in that cupboard I met him in at my mum's house.'

"According to sources at Five Television, the tradesman will give all the intimate details of his relationship with the star. 'Mark has never spoken before in public about his relationship with Victoria, but feels it is time to set the record straight,' said a spokesman.'She made him look foolish and money-grabbing, when she dismissed him in front of the cameras. They actually dated for more than five years and split up shortly before she started dating David Beckham in 1997. Mark was quite hurt by what she said and doesn't intend sparing Victoria's blushes.'

"Victoria Beckham's Secrets will be shown on Channel Five later this month."

Out: Britney's ex huband makes out with a chick with a dick. Well, to be fair, dude looks like he drank the equivalent of the Chesapeake Bay in Beefeater Gin. Speaking of Beefeater ...

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