An Analysis of Larry King's Trash

Should we be paying rapt attention to Page Six's revelation that Larry King wears absorbent undergarments?

Depends.

But, Seriously, folks (cocks eyebrows and flicks cigar), look at this man's trash: clearly, he drinks a wide range of beverages (like me, and yet, so not like me), dare we say it -- a superhuman amount: the coffee, the cardboard "juice boxes", the odd Perrier and Coke, all of these make the measure of the man. With all that liquid sloshing about his CN-iNnards, who wouldn't need, on occasion, just a little bit of back me up. A little something-something to make sure excess spillage doesn't rear itself moistly down his corduroy's while he're throwing softballs at the latest "It" octogenarian(The Corsair softly chuckles)

This all must be a strain for Larry King's little sweetie, Shawn. I mean, how will she handle the rude jokes whispered in the corridors at Sally Quinn's Washingtonian power dinner parties?

Depends.