Wednesday, June 02, 2004

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: ran this blind item today that has me guessing:

"A certain ex-teen idol must be seriously jonesing for those brief glory days of screaming fans, magazine covers, paparazzi attention, and her pick of the hottest manflesh in show business. Lately, she�s been doing a few fairly low-key gigs, but even the teensiest taste of success brings out her inner psycho bitch. Suddenly she�s demanding big-time perks from producers and studios who doubt she�s worth the trouble anymore. She�s making her agents yank out their hair because she�s refusing roles she thinks are beneath her. And she�s also back to her old ways in the man department, putting the make on married older dudes, especially non-showbiz spouses of her female friends and costars. We�re doubting she'll get much career bounce from her newest projects, so maybe she should just go ahead with those cosmetic surgeries she�s been discussing with specialists in New York and Europe. If she hopes to stay in the game, the ultracompetitive actress better do something."

Jennifer Love Hewitt? Just a guess.

Out: Henry Kissinger shows up on Wonkette's Celebrity sightings in DC, and, as expected, things get hectic:

"Next mini celeb was the surprisingly hobbit-like Henry Kissinger, who slipped out of a tremendous SUV in front of the Palm while I was dining with other plebes at C.F. Folks. Kissinger had a quick exchange with the limo driver, eyeballed passers-by briefly and disappeared into the swank (and skanky, in my opinion) confines of D.C's favorite long-beat power lunch trough.

"My dining partner said, 'you don't see a war criminal every day.'"

In: Elle McPherson's victory over post partum depression. Accroding to British Vogue, the stunning mannequin suffered after the birth of her child:

"ELLE MACPHERSON has admitted that she was battling with post-natal depression when she checked herself into the Meadows Institute in Arizona last October. The 40-year-old supermodel, who is in Sydney this week to launch her new line of Intimates bedwear, told the Herald Sun that she completed a six-week intensive program because of total exhaustion and depression after the arrival of her second son, Aurelius Cy, in February last year. 'I took the steps I needed to take in order to recover,' she said. 'The truth was, I just did what I needed to do and addressed a lot of issues that needed addressing and had a well-earned break, which I really needed as well. I had never done anything like that in my life and that's about it. I think it was made out to be a lot more dramatic and more insidious that it was.'"

Mcpherson is fully recovered.

Out: Will someone please kill Rod Stewart? You know, just fucking smoke his obnoxious ass and feathered hair in a colosally violent act. He's doing another tour (averted gaze). Of oldies. Charmed, I'm sure.

In: Lowculture's Take on The President's Umbrella problem. It's hard to handle an umbrella in a storm and look Presidential. Very, very hard. Observe the 43rd President of the united States, the most powerful man in the world here (averted gaze).

Out: Admiral Zinni for Vice President. Bad idea, Water Isaacson; the rarified air of Aspen seems to have addled the fine political mind of Walter, biographer/destroyer of Kissinger. There are too many heavyweights in the ring, like John Edwards, Senator Nelson, Bill Richardson, Evan Bayh (softly chuckles), Dick Gephardt, Hillary Clinton and -- quite possibly -- John McCain. Why the fuck would Kerry go for an unproven cruiserweight general, when Wesley Clark, with higher name recognition, actually won the Oklahoma primary and can bring the Southwest into play? Go back to Aspen, Walter, and contemplate Franklin and the discovery of lightning as electricity, and we'll call you when the race is over.

In: Harper's Bazaar and Glamour, because, in the words of honorary African-American Roger Friedman:

"Many congrats to the editors of both Harper's Bazaar and Glamour. They each have black women on their covers this month. Queen Latifah is on the May cover of Glamour (I'm a little late mentioning this) and none other than Beyonce � in triplicate no less � is on the Bazaar cover. These were brave decisions considering that Vanity Fair still refuses to put a black person by him-or-herself on its cover. Both landmark Oscar winners Halle Berry and Denzel Washington have not appeared since their 2003 triumphs."

How is it that Roger Friedman, who is white, thinks of these things, and I, who am black, do not. Enquiring minds want to know.

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