Family Values Limbaugh Ends Third Marriage

Pumpkinheaded family values exemplar Rush Limbaugh has is ending his third marriage. Shrewdly, he announced it on Friday, thus hoping it would be buried in the little read Saturday papers. But The Corsair never sleeps.

According to the Washington Post:

"Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh said on Friday that he and his third wife, Marta, had mutually decided to end their marriage of 10 years.

"A statement issued through Los Angeles-based public relations firm Sitrick and Company said the Limbaughs 'have separated pending an amicable resolution.' It was not clear whether either party had formally filed for divorce.

"A spokesman at Sitrick declined to provide further details.

"Limbaugh and his third wife, a former aerobics instructor he met on the Internet, were married in May 1994 at the home of U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas in a ceremony officiated by Thomas himself.

"His two previous marriages ended in divorce."

Well then, there you go: Clarence Thomas was the jinx; er, either that or this story speaks to the futility of finding commitment with aerobics instructors that you meet over the internet. The article continues, warbling, like a sad, slow cautionary Willie Nelson song of American woe:

"Word of Limbaugh's latest marital difficulties come as the outspoken radio personality has come under investigation by prosecutors in Palm Beach County, Florida, where he lives, over allegations of illegal doctor-shopping for painkillers.

"Limbaugh, 53, who has not been charged, admitted in October of last year to becoming addicted to prescription painkillers he took for back pain. He took a five-week break from his syndicated radio show to check into a drug rehabilitation center."

When will Rush stop blathering about the morality of others, which, no doubt, gives him a bloated feeling of superiority, and look to his own sorry affairs?

Maybe now?

The Page Sixers elaborate:

"RUSH Limbaugh put out a statement yesterday that he and his third wife, Marta, had separated � but only after PAGE SIX called to confirm what we'd learned exclusively. Sources in Palm Beach say Marta dumped the burly blowhard and vacated the couple's home on North Ocean Boulevard. The two are quietly working out a divorce agreement. Limbaugh met Marta on the Internet and they married in 1994. Since then, Marta has seen Limbaugh through ballooning weight gains, deafness (a cochlear implant in 2002 restored 80 percent of his hearing), his prescription pill addiction, rehab and a police investigation. Signs of trouble first came last year in November when one pal of Limbaugh said: 'Marta didn't go visit him [at the in-patient treatment center] once until the very end. It was odd.' Insiders say there is probably a pre-nup, but Marta may get more as she 'knows where all of his skeletons are. That's why there are these . . . discussions.'"

(The Corsair cues ominous music)

".... Discussions?!"