Friday, December 10, 2004

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Tina Brown and Harry Evans. The Corsair used to be annoyed with those Evans-Browns, or Browns-Evanses, or, whatever you call them in rarefied media circles, but now we've just thrown in the towel. We couldn't maintain the level of ire or rancor at such basically innocuous and vaguely cute enthusiasts of Americana. We cannot beat Tina, she outendured our snark. Tina beat us with her unwavering fascination with American culture -- and, the judicious namedropping Barry Diller. We give!

The Brown-Evanses are as American Media royalty as you can get, as evidenced by social chronicler David Patrick Columbia's NYSocialDiary coverage of the Sir Harry's latest book/PBS special, They Made America, and the astonishing DC Master-of-the-Universe Boldfacers (like James Carville and Mary Matalin, Alan Greenspan and Andrea Mitchell, Gertrude Himmelfarb and Irving Kristol, Walter Isaacson, George Stephanopoulos and Albert Hunt Jr. and Judy Woodruff) they pulled in:


Above: Methuselan Money Supply Overlord Alan Greenspan and his consort, the most unspeakably evil Andrea Mitchell, gingerly sip chilled beverages of distilled Lithuanian baby peasant blood.

Out: Vladimir Putin. Semipseudodespot Vladimir Putin played chicken with The West and he got his ass handed to him on a silver platter. You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, and know when to walk away, Pootie Poot, when the dealings done. And you had a bad hand, you polluted the elections in the Ukraine, hedged your bets and congratulated the crook, poisoned the winner, and now you are feeling mighty low on the world's stage.

Now, the disgraced Russian neoCzar, when not making bitchy, sulky-sounding comments about the viability of US elections in Iraq (which are eagerly picked up by Al-Jazeera), has turned 180 degrees on the option of the Ukraine joining the EU (Riiight -- So says the bully still smarting over the ass kicking):

"President Vladimir Putin said he would be 'pleased' to see Ukraine admitted to the European Union because this would only benefit Russia's economy due to its deep and long-standing industrial links with Ukraine.

"He acknowledged the likelihood of Ukraine joining the EU anytime soon was slim despite the fact that Ukraine's Western-leaning presidential candidate Viktor Yushchenko has set that goal, but said Russia had no objection to such a development.

"'If Ukraine wants to enter the EU and is welcomed there, then we can only be pleased,' Putin told reporters at the Kremlin following talks with visiting Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero.

"He said a decision on whether to admit Ukraine to the EU 'is not our business' but added that, in contrast to Russia's opposition to the expansion of NATO, Russia was not opposed to eventual enlargement of the EU to take in former Soviet republics."

When is Russia going to break out of its outmoded Cold War thought processes and start thinking of itself as a more pro-European (or, at least pro-US, as Russia and Europe have recent historical antagonisms) power than a Pan-Asian? Since Peter the Great, Russia has veered more Westwards than the lure of the East. Where else can Russia go? China? Alone, it is an isolated piece of draughts in Outer Europe, a Second-World kleptocracy with nukes -- nothing more -- a seedy and disturbing but marginal player in the Community of Nations.

Russia will never ally itself with China -- or could it? possibly? Maybe?-- too much bad history, methinks. The most rational course would be some sort of Russo-American alliance (we buy their nukes and natural resources, we give them credibility, status and a framework in which to exist), like the often wise Gore Vidal actually proposed as the Cold War ran down.

In: Britney Spears Gets 'Overtired' in Vegas. Britney is all over the media today, stinking up airplanes, getting "mellow" in Vegas, according to the 3AM Girls:

"We hear the pop babe - whose Vegas wedding this year lasted just 55 hours - had to be carried out of the Hard Rock Hotel by her mum Lynne and a minder after allegedly drinking way too much.

"Once outside, the 23-year-old - who had been staying in a sumptuous villa at the Bellagio Hotel - then proceeded to throw up in the car park. Nice girl."

And, more specifically, according to Rush and Molloy:

"On Monday, she's said to have downed two glasses of Merlot and a pair of Malibu pineapple rum drinks at the Palms' N9NE Steakhouse on Sin City's famous Strip."

Bad mix up. Everyone knows it's "Malibu" before "Merlot" and you'll never throw ...

"Spears, who turned 23 last week, kept up the partying the following night at the Hard Rock Hotel branch of Nobu.

"The Las Vegas Review-Journal reports that a 'sobbing' Spears was leaning on hubby Kevin Federline on the way out of the hotel, and ended up getting sick in the parking lot. "

Like Joni Mitchell sang, "They paved paradise/And put up a parking lot/" ... And Britney vomited.

Out: Jean Claude Van Damme IS an Ass. Just so you know. According to Ananova:

"Jean Claude van Damme has described himself as a 'superhero in bed' who performs for his wife every night."

Unfortunately for the self-described "JCVD's" long suffering wife, that superhero would be "The Flash." *allegedly*

In: Christian Lacroix, Traumatized Designer with an interesting story. NewYorkMetro's bio says of Lacroix:

"In the late 80's, fashion reporters clocked the rapid success of Lacroix. Studying Art History with dreams of becoming a museum curator or costume designer, Lacroix fell into fashion by chance. He was an assistant at Hermes, collaborated with the couturier of the Tokyo Imperial Court, and then joined the House of Patou in 1981. Five years later, he launched his own label with the bouffant, or 'pouf,' a milestone in fashion history. His label, regarded as 'one of the fastest growing brands in the LVMH universe' has spawned a line of perfume, linens, and children's clothing. In 2002, Lacroix was appointed Artistic Director of the House of Pucci (Ed Note: tee hee, "House of Pucci"), which, since his arrival, has been very successful."

But there is another Lacroix, According to British Vogue:

"CHRISTIAN LACROIX has revealed that he has written a book about the traumas of his childhood for cathartic purposes. As well as the suicides of his great uncle and aunt, the designer catalogues some of his grandfather's penchant for tough love. 'When I was very little, my grandfather once took me to a local gypsy neightbourhood and pushed me into the middle of them saying, 'Start a fight and then try and defend yourself,' he says."

*The Corsair shudders*

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