Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Liza Minnelli Fallen ... Can't Get Up

We will readily admit that the post title "Liza Minnelli Fallen ... Can't Get Up" is about as eye-popping as a heading involving Jacko and children, or that Sir Edmund Hillary of social climbers Liz Hurley and some luckless billionaire, or even Liza beating up a botoxed freak, but, quite frankly, we couldn't resist -- and it's a slow news week -- so, according to The Daily News:


"The troubled songbird was admitted to a New York hospital yesterday after she reportedly fell out of bed and struck her head.

"Two police officers and two Emergency Medical Service workers removed Minnelli from her upper East Side building on a stretcher after receiving a 911 call about 'an unconscious female' around 4 a.m. "'When firefighters responded, she appeared intoxicated,' a police source told the Daily News. 'She was incoherent and not really responding.'"

And that's when the true detective work kicked in: Is Liza just incoherent as per her usual 'mode of being,' or, like, is this 'medical emergency' incoherence on the part of Liza ...

"A police source told People magazine that Minnelli 'hit her head. Her bodyguard got nervous and he called 911. He said he couldn't get her up. She wasn't bleeding. She was on the floor.'"

See, that's why we were never Detective material. Well, that and the fact that we the closest we ever got to Police Academy was the Steven Gutenberg films (The Corsair humbly asks his readers not to sweat "The Goot"). If you presented us with three facts and three facts only, to wit: Liza Minnelli is not bleeding; Liza Minnelli is on the floor; and, most important, Liza Minnelli can't get up; well, we would've just refreshed her drinkie-poo and pointed her in the direction of Halston and the dance floor like it was Studio 54 days. But that�s just us.

Liza has such alert bodyguards ...

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