Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Golden Globe Nominations

We weren't going to post on the Globes as, well, The Corsair hasn't seen many of the pics involved(although that has never stopped us from giving our media, politics or hollywood opinions before), like The Aviator, or "Million Dollar Baby", or even the latest Jude Law-as-charming-cad-vehicle, "Closer," for that matter, however, you guys emailed me an interesting volume of email, so, being as we are your "entertainment blog monkey," we will chime in here and now (like our pal, Casey):

Best Picture: Sideways, no question, hands down. This is about as close to a perfect, effervescent, purely American movie as can ever be made. It's almost too good for the Golden Globes, shouldn't it be on the Independent Spirit Awards or something, garnering effusive yet impotent praise from an Ally Sheedy type? The directing, the location (a golden sun-drenched California wine country), the emotionally complex indie script with Virginia Madsen (the eternally golden sun-drenched actress), the prototype of the California woman who ages, uhm, like a fine wine.

A little part of me just died for going along with conventional wisdom on this, we prefer to rebel, we have always rebelled, this blog is all about the free spirit, but we feel compelled here and now to bow to the CV of the unwashed masses of film critics.

Best Actor: Frankly, The Corsair doesn't believe that there should be any kind of gender division between "actor" and "actress," one simply acts, that is all, some act better than others, but that determination of gradation of skill has nothing to do with gender. A man's performance and a woman's performance are commensurable works -- for example, one can compare Victor Sjostrom's Professor Borg in Bergman's Wild Strawberries, to Gena Rowland's Professor Marion Post in Woody Allan's Another Woman. There is no division; Gena Rowlan'd performance compares favorably against the legendary Sjostrom. One doesn't say, "here's the Pulitzer for the best nonfiction work by a Woman." Pickleheads.

Anyhoo -- if we are going to play the picklehead game in the 21st century, my pick for Best Actor is Don Cheadle, but this vote is biased.

The Corsair was born in Uganda and has relatives that died in the Rwanda genocide. Cheadle's accent, his sustained gravity and the dignity he gives in this performance of his life are impossibly good, far subtler than the often talked about subtle creation of Depp, and more accurate than Foxx's inhabitation of Ray's skin (The Corsair knows a Rwandan Hutu accent and their particular body language when he hears and sees it, and Cheadle is the real deal here). Always the bridesmaid, Cheadle deserves this Globe, in his first major lead, as he will probably be overshadowed by the glitziness of Foxx, Depp and DiCaprio at "the Oscies."

The Corsair didn't see The Aviator, Johnny Depp gave a noteworthy, strong and even performance as JM Barrie, but we are looking for fire here, jazz, and Neverland, while a wonderful, if somewhat creepy film, is a predictable Depp (bet you never thought you'd hear anyone say that ever about Depp, but compare and contrast his choice of roles with the fearless Cate Blanchett ... and you see my point) script choice, nurturing kids, a la Wonka. Has Depp ever played "evil"?

We want to see Depp stretch his chops, graduate from the precious need to be perceived as the eccentric,the odd, perhaps in some Shakespeare? How cool would a Depp Richard III be? Is Depp capable of performing evil on such a vast scale?

Shakespeare's characters express the limits of the human personality, no actor can go through Shakespeare and not be enlarged in some existential manner. One cannot child a career on quirky, as Depp apparently is doing, but heroic? Tragic? That's for grown ups, Depp, for serious players, for those who want elevate their game to Liv Ullman-Max Von Sydow-Brando nosebleed heights -- and we know you are bigger than the indie oddball space you've crafted for yourself -- so enlarge, Johnny, cappesh?

PICTURE, MUSICAL/COMEDY: "Ray" is a fucking musical?! WTF?! (The Corsair sips from a can of Banana Nutrement drink and sparks up the Dutchie, because he "keeps it real")

ACTRESS, MUSICAL/COMEDY: I know that Annette Benning in "Being Julia" gave an incredibly subtle, rich-textured, multilayered performance that critics like Owen Gleiberman get lachrymose over (Owenbaby, you bash Bill Murray, and The Corsair takes out a piece of your ass), a smokey and peppery cognac-y performance, one that only someone of middle age -- someone who has participated in childbirth, and knows of pain (which, incidentally and apropos of nothing, is why women will always be better actors than men; men don't give birth and are eternally excluded from a myriad of existential emotions particular to that activity) -- could give, and The Corsair recognizes that, he knows, and Benning should get the Oscar as she gave the best American performance in that role, but we bow to our hormones here (hey, it's only the Globes), and Kate Winslet in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" deserves the GG. And my phone number.

ACTOR, MUSICAL/COMEDY: We know Jamie Foxx is going to win for "Ray", but if there were any cosmic justice, Paul Giamatti, "Sideways" Giamatti's got serious game. Tight Pimp Game. G picks his projects with the jewelers eye and a flawless sense of taste, and, best of all, a warrior's daring. Brendan Fraser needs to learn from this guy. Quite a bit.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS: The Corsair really loved Meryl Streep's sneering Hillary Clinton, "The Manchurian Candidate," but goddam it, Streep has a house full of awards,
and, well, Virginia Madsen, "Sideways" was better anyway. God, The Corsair has such a crush on Virginia Madsen.

SUPPORTING ACTOR: Jamie Foxx has already been anointed for "Ray," and there's nothing this blog can do to stop the onslaught of accolades, but Jamie Foxx in "Collateral" was really something spectacular, even -- dare I say it -- a better, more contained, studiously restricted performance, playing off of Tom Cruise's intense and violent psycho Los Angeles energy rather perfectly.

DIRECTOR: Alexander Payne, "Sideways," and an honorable mention to: Finding Neverland, the final performance of "Peter Pan, in the penultimate scene of the film where Kate Winslet's sickly character dissolves into Berrie's improvised play in her home is truly noteworthy.

Television DRAMA SERIES: "Lost," ABC. This is the show we would rather watch than TiVo. God, The Corsair loves this show; it so rocketh us.

ACTRESS, DRAMA SERIES: Christine Lahti, "Jack & Bobby"; Did we just embarrass ourselves by admitting in public on our blog that we actually watch Jack and Bobby and are over 14 years of age? Come on you do too, don't even give me "ice" on this. You don't? Like, you really have never seen J-to-the-B? Um. Whatever (whistles). I stand by my choice (eyes dart to and fro, like a tweaker). Stop looking at me that way!

ACTOR, DRAMA SERIES: Dennis Leary will win for "Rescue Me, " because he is anointed, because he probably fucked Elizabeth hurley, because he plays a fireman and smokes like a chimney and really isn't all that funny, but -- and we say but -- if there is a god, Ian McShane, "Deadwood" will win.

MUSICAL/COMEDY SERIES: "Desperate Housewives," ABC

ACTRESS, MUSICAL/COMEDY: Marcia Cross, "Desperate Housewives" This will be good. Real good. Blood may be spilled. Hot oil may be reconoitered. Eyes may be clawed in the melee. Three of the Housewives are up for this award. Three Desperate Housevives who have waited their whole careers, fucked their way through all manner of casting couches leading to nowhere in their early 20s, three desperate starlets front loaded (no pun intended) into one single category. I love the smell of thwarted ambition in middle age ... it smells like ... DIVAs!

Someone really categorically evil set up this hot little scenario. You know that they will all hug and kiss -- just ... a little too much -- because, in the end, "the show wins!" ... but no matter who wins, we win. You and me, baby. Cause the on-set tensions will be covered by the Star and Enquirer and Us and ... well, me. And The Corsair will filter the Good News on to you, dear reader, like your gossipy hairdresser who is into girls. So hott.

ACTOR, MUSICAL/COMEDY: Larry David, "Curb Your Enthusiasm," funniest show on tv.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Drea de Matteo is going to win for "The Sopranos," cause, like, she died, violently, and, to the Foreign press, that's as good as Brando, and The Corsair can't see that Matt LeBlanc stinker garnering any nominations for anything golden in the near future, but if there was a god, Anjelica Huston, "Iron Jawed Angels" and Nicollette Sheridan, "Desperate Housewives" would tie and have to share the stage. The Corsair loves Angelica Houston, but we need to hear what a Nic Sheridan speech sounds like, this woman needs some worldly recognition for her "services" to the greater Los Angeles Area. Then again, an extreme close up on her face as she loses is just as valuable.

SUPPORTING ACTOR: William Shatner in "Boston Legal" would almost certainly give the best speech (and here The Corsair knows he sounds like the girl who bets on football by choosing the best color of the helmet) but we''ll go with Jeremy Piven, "Entourage." He's the best reason to watch those virtually unwatchable punk ass southie-parasites on "Entourage."

ACTRESS, MINISERIES/MOVIE: (Fake smile, bats eyelashes) We're sorry (puffs Schimmelpennick), The Corsair doesn't do miniseries.


Anonymous said...

From Casey: http://onprobation.blogspot.com/2004/12/im-going-toe-to-toe-with-ron.html

(S)wine said...

Giamatti most certainly has game (note: American Splendor) as does his Pappy, who swiftly and systematically banned Pete Rose from baseball.

(S)wine said...

Don Cheadle's is well-deserved. A great, great actor with a long track record. Looking forward to seeing his new picture.