Saturday, December 18, 2004

Brooklyn Beckham, No Longer Humless

'Tis the season for wretched excess! What do you get a kid who already has a castle instead of some louche (pained expression), jejune treehouse (Averted Gaze), a $2,000 a day butler, used -- by a prestige celebrity clientele -- just to open his Christmas presents, a cool name ("Brooklyn ..."), and, more likely than not, the inheritance of tens of millions in British pounds as well as his parent's phenomenal good looks? Baby needs a Humvee, to be sure, according to The Sun:


Above: "Father ... where are the bitches at?"

"POSH and Becks have bought son Brooklyn, five, a ($42,700) Hummer car for Christmas.

"They snapped up a scaled-down version of the monster US off-roader driven by England skipper David. The couple splashed out on a mini Hummer for Brooklyn because the little lad loves to imitate his dad."

Apparently no other baby ever imitates its parents, only Brooklyn. Of course, the Beckham's would never have heard of a little philosopher named Aristotle and his theory of education and imitation. That might ruin the charm of their fishbowl life. Time and space revolves around them, existence occurs to other at their leisure.

We suppose they are ultimately too pretty to be bothered with even a cursory reading of Aristotle (Observe -- The Corsair is quite obviously here playa-hating on the Beckhams, emphasizing his classical learning to offset his present lack of a Hummer, much less a baby-Hummer, which genuinely gets his under his skin).

"David, 29, bought himself one of the monster ($106,700) American off-roaders just last month customising it with ($34,940) of luxury extras."

The Corsair shakes his fist ... still irked that he lacks a Hummer.

"So when Posh spotted a scaled-down version while Christmas shopping in Harrods she realised it was perfect for the five-year-old."

The Corsair kicks dirt; grunts ...

"Last night a source said: 'Brooklyn loves being like his dad. If David gets a new haircut he wants the same style. And having the same car is another way to be as cool as dad. He gets really excited when his dad buys a new car and always wants to copy him.

"'David and Victoria love treating the boys. As soon as Victoria saw the Hummer she knew it would be the perfect gift for Brooklyn.'

"Becks has 15 (cars), including a Bentley, a Mercedes and an Aston Martin. But Brooklyns garage is almost as full -- he already owns childrens models of a BMW Z4, a Ferrari and a Porsche."

The Corsair punches at the air ...

"The 8ft-wide Hummer based on an army truck, is a favourite with celebrities like Kieron Dyer, Paris Hilton and Arnie Schwarzenegger.Brooklyns petrol-fuelled mini version can reach 30mph.

"Posh and Becks have pulled out all the stops to make Christmas special for Brooklyn and brother Romeo, two."


(S)wine said...

The Beckham/Posh team is a bunch of bullshite--at least here, in the States. Their publicists must really be working overtime to get them injected into the pop culture here; remember last year (or two years ago) when they did a "U.S. Tour?" Nobody gave a rat's...and they returned to the U.K. dejected. Let them be Kings (and Queens) there; we've got enough pop-culture edjits to worry/write about. Right?

The Corsair said...

I think I'm already lost in their world, their minutiae. Should never have blogged on Romeo's castle. It got me started walking the Left Hand path ...

Anonymous said...

Hey Ron!

So MUCH i could write about the Beckhams (and so little time) - but, I've got to ask this one thing - did you ever hear Posh's "hip hop" track, produced by Jay Z and Damon Dash?? Omigosh - it has to be heard to be believed!!! She spent millions on the RocaFella produced album, only for the whole thing to be scrapped after the first single "This Groove" was released to unanimous cries of WTF?? Thing is - it probably wouldn't have been so bad if Beyonce was singing it - but Posh aint no Beyonce! In the video she's writhing about on a bed, trying to look sexy, but she looked like she was having a bad reaction to crack!! *averted gaze* LOL!!


The Corsair said...

I've never seen the video, but boy do I want to. Damon Dash had a real crackhead thing going in the UK with Posh. I believe he thought that if he could make her big as a solo hip hop artist, the sky would be the limit there. Or maybe he just wanted to glom onto her fame. Whatever the case, the whole Posh as rapper mess went dreadful.

muebles en teruel said...

This cannot really work, I feel so.