Thursday, December 02, 2004

Eminem ... Metrosexual?

(The Corsair solemnly pours out some Baron de Sigognac Armagnac in celebration of "The Dead Homiez") Now, According to The Dish:


Above: "I always forget ... is it Lalique Crystal or Steuben Glass for a house warming?"

"Controversial hip-hop star Eminem revealed a softer side to his personality during a recent trip to Britain by spending $108,000 on beauty products."

The Corsair delivers a controlled belly-laugh, followed by a small closing cough of feigned detachment.

"The 31-year-old favored goods made by M-ACTIV after he sent out members of his entourage to scope out London's top salons and treatment centers.

"An insider in the rap star's camp confides, 'It's quite funny because no one thinks of Marshall as the posing, pampering sort. But he's quite concerned with his appearance -- more so really because he's in the public eye and subjected to a grueling working regime.'"

Why is the fact that Marshall Mathers III needs a robust moisturizer so funny? Does "longtime companion" (wink wink) Dr. Dre apply Em's moisturizer while his skin is still damp? Are body sponges involved? Is there towel play? Prithee ... Is Enya playing on the sound system? Do D-12 and Em retire to Tea and Sympathy after a long recording session to discuss last night's Will and Grace episode?

"'When he arrived in London from the MTV Awards in Rome, Marshall was really affected by the cold and asked us to find something for his skin. He knew the gig on [permanently moored ship] HMS Belfast would be cold and he wanted to protect himself."

How gangsta, that ... worrying about exfoliating.

"'But when he tried M-ACTIV's stuff, he asked for vanloads from the whole range. I think he reckons the brand's scientific spin makes it a bit more macho. No one can call Marshall a wuss."

"'He just wants to keep looking good and reckons it takes years off him.'"

Years, street cred -- that hundred thousand dollars worth of moisturizer sounds more like vanishing cream.

Notr: Because of work deadlines, no posting tomorrow.


Rachel said...

What a coincidence, Eminem just came on the radio. It doesn't surprise me at all that he has sent his minions out in search of a manly moisturizer. I would be thoroughly disappointed to go see him in concert and discover that he had not been strictly following his skin care regime. If I see him and Dre out getting manicures and pedicures I might have to bust a cap in their asses. How silly can you be? Ok, how silly can Eminem be?

The Corsair said...

I could strangely imagine Em and Dre getting electrolysis together. It's all starting to make sense

Anonymous said...

One of your finest moments, dear Ron. That and the smackdown you gave to that fly bitch Kimora!


Rachel said...

Now that is a scary thought. Sugar scrubs and brow waxes all around for my homies!

(S)wine said...

Em has that bad complexion; I'm sure he's hyper-aware of it. Plus, how jealous are we all that he can actually drop a hun-erd grand on shite like that? Eh?

As an aside...Ron, your blog is tops, man. I'm happy you get the time to update it so often.

Anonymous said...

Of course he's a metrosexual! He keeps up with that blonde do better than any female I know.


The Corsair said...

Thanks for all your comments. We will continue to follow Em's grooming habits until a restraining order is issued.