Thursday, December 16, 2004

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Rance Blog Contest. Rance writes:

"... The object of the contest is to write one singular, solitary, ridiculously horrible opening sentence to an imaginary novel. The best of the worst...or the worst of the best, however you choose to see it, wins."


Out: Peter Jennings. Although he's closing the distance between himself and NBC's newbie talking head Brian Williams, once again Peter Jennings ranks second among the anchors (1 million viewers behind), leaving us to wonder is it merely the boost from Tom Brokaw's retirement or some other mojo that has kept Jennings, a known commodity, from claiming those crucial eyeballs. Considering Dan Rather is a dead duck, and Brian Williams hasn't earned his stripes, this cannot augur well. Might it be time for Peter Jennings to consider putting away the hairspray?

In: The Page Sixxies. Of late, The Corsair has taken on this mini-crusade against anyone in the media who badmouths our hero, Bill Murray. Owen Gleiberman promptly took a shot in the pages of Entertainment Weekly of the lukewarmly received Life Aquatic, and we returned in kind with a *figurative* uppercut to the chops(Aw, he hardly felt a thing; we're only a blog).

Today, the Page Sixxies take a shot, reporting that Bill Murray may or may not have been a prick on the set of Charlie's Angels, according to a cameraman who crashed a Q and A just to tell him so to his face. And will we respond?

Fuck no! This is Page Fucking Six we're talking about, people! Do you think The Corsair is crazy?! We love Bill Murray, but we love our good relationship with the Sixxers more ...

Out: Palimony. Palimony is so 1980s, so Marvin Mitchelson in nature, wholly without nuance, so outre, my mellows (The Corsair smokes some Algerian hash). The new vocab buzzword is "Galimony," according to that significant cultural artifact, The National Enquirer:

"Ellen DeGeneres' discarded girlfriend is talking to attorneys about suing the star for a piece of her massive fortune, says an inside source -- and the suit could turn into the biggest case of 'galimony' in Hollywood history!That's the bombshell story behind Ellen's recent split with Alexandra Hedison after four years - and the comedienne's new romance with 'Arrested Development' star Portia de Rossi, who ended her own lesbian relationship for Ellen.

"Now Portia is moving in with Ellen, Alexandra has moved out -- and Portia's longtime girlfriend Francesca Gregorini is heartbroken."

"Galimony" ... savor it, live it, love it.

In: Serena. The world's most famous tennis star-Jehovah's Witness, Serena Williams, would like to ply you with some of her nifty new footwear, according to Hello!Magazine:


Above: Massive, hulking, barn-door gams like these need significant support that even Brett Ratner cannot supply.

" ... (Serena Williams) geared up for her Florida fashion show, the 23-year-old squeezed in a final round of shoe-shopping to ensure the models showing off her new line of frocks would be smashing from head to toe.

"... The super athlete once again demonstrated the perfectionism which took her right to the top of the women's game, this time by thoroughly scouring a local footwear emporium to personally hand pick the best and brightest shoes as finishing touches for her creations.

"... And Serena traded her trainers for a pair of high-heeled, powder blue pumps to accessorise her slinky white dress when she emerged to take a bow after her collection was shown ... Serena has been studying fashion in Florida for some time now, and hopes to become a full-time designer when she hangs up her racket. Venus, meanwhile, has her own interior design company and has created a line of women's leatherwear for Wilson's Leather."

No word yet on whether or not Richard Williams will be driving the Brinks truck up to the bank ...

Out: The Beckhams. Apparently publicity is only good when you can manipulate it's outcome, and thus, the stories about the Beckham kids' castle may well dry up in the near future, alas. According to PopBitch:

"FYI: the notoriously publicity-shy Beckhams, who would never use their children in a photo op, are invoking EU Human Rights Act section 8 to take legal action against a paparazzo's aerial shots of the kids' new playground.... as it spoiled the boys Xmas surprise."

No more stories about Romeo's play castle? How will we survive the heartbreak?

In: Orlando Bloom, Lord of the Flings? Okay, we borrowed "The Lord of the Flings" from the 3AM Girls, because, like, that's so perfect, there's no way we could improve on that line, as they write today:

" ...(Orlando Bloom), who's dating US screen beauty Kate Bosworth, spent an evening canoodling with a mystery blonde in Dubai.

"The 27-year-old Lord Of The Rings actor was invited to the city, in the United Arab Emirates, to launch its first International Film Festival, alongside Sarah Michelle Gellar and Morgan Freeman.

"Not one to turn down such a jolly, Orlando pitched up at the swanky Madinat Jumeirah Hotel with 10 pals in tow last week.

"The group descended on top nightspot Boudoir and, according to onlookers, it wasn't long before the Troy star found a cosy corner for him and his gal-pal.

"'Orlando brought this girl and they spent the whole evening in a VIP area,' our source confided.

"'They seemed to be really into each other. To be honest, everyone was surprised because it's well known he's dating Kate.'

"Brit-born actor Orlando, who shot to fame as the heroic elf Legolas, has been dating Bosworth, 21, who lives in LA, for 18 months. The pair met while filming a Gap advert."

So you know it's a deep and lasting relationship.

"Apparently Kate is currently house-hunting in London so she can be near her bloke.

"'The girl with Orlando wasn't anywhere near as good-looking as Kate,' said our clubbing spy.

"'In fact, she was plain. She was studenty and looked out of place in such a classy club."

Let me guess, this was a woman making this observation ...

"'... But Orlando couldn't take his eyes off her.

"'At one point, they hit the dance floor and were bumping and grinding ... surrounded by his hangers-on.'

"One partygoer tried to take a snap of the pair but had the picture wiped from her camera by one of Orlando's pals."

What happens in the Dubai stays in the Dubai ...

The rest of the story here.

Out: Don Johnson's Debt. According to the AP, Don Johnson's "Heartbeat" can turn to normal once again:

"All the creditors listed on bankruptcy petitions involving the former 'Miami Vice' and 'Nash Bridges' star have been paid off, Denver lawyer Lee Kutner said Tuesday.

"Kutner said Johnson's companies should be emerging from bankruptcy soon.

"'He has obtained new financing,' Kutner said.

"Los Angeles-based City National Bank sued Johnson in March, seeking to force an auction of his 17-acre ranch near Aspen to recoup $930,000 it claimed he owed. The ranch was put up for sale for $21 million, but Johnson ended up paying the debt in time.

"Other bills paid include Aspen Valley Hospital ($7,345), the Of Grape & Grain liquor store ($377), Aspen's Isberian Rug Co. ($1,228), Planted Earth in Carbondale ($764) and the Aspen law firm of Garfield & Hecht ($2,787).

" ... Johnson's well-documented grocery bill of $5,740 to Clark's Market, which sued him earlier this year and won, has also been paid, according to court papers filed last week in Pitkin County Court.

"The grocery tab saga was the stuff of gossip for supermarket tabloids. The Woody Creek Tavern, near Johnson's estate, at one point had a tip jar asking for contributions to bail him out."
Damn, and The Corsair thought it was cold in NYC today.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

actually, 'galimony' is not even remotely new. cf: martina navratilova v nancy judy nelson in 92 (and bjkhad her own 10 years earlier)