Matt Perry Falls Off The Wagon

That cultural artifact -- I forgot which gossip rag I usually mean here -- the National Enquirer is reporting that Matt Perry has fallen off the wagon ... again.

"As his show Friends nears the end of its 10-year run, Matt Perry (ed note: don't you love the way they call him by a nickname after bringing this up?) has suffered a devastating relapse of his alcohol and drug problem, The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively.

"The issue ... reveals Matt's heartfelt confession to 30 people at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, when he told them: 'I have all this money and fancy cars and beautiful girlfriends but it wasn't making me happy'"

(Tries very, very hard to suppress a laugh)

(very hard)

The Corsair might openly weep at that misguided by probably heartfelt confession if it weren't for four beautiful words, two gorgeous names: Julia Roberts and Salma Hayek.

Cry me a river, Matthew Perry.

Fucking pussy-boy