Senator John Kerry's Horoscope

Senator John Kerry, who has had plastic surgery on his chin and has dated Morgan Fairchild as well as the former Mrs. Robert Evans, the American born daughter of Yugoslavia's princess Elizabeth, Catherine Oxenberg, was born under the sun sign of the extremely lucky Sagittarius. And no one of late is so brimming with Machiavellian Fortuna as Kerry, who sat back and watched Gephardt and Dean essentially bitchslap themselves out of contention in Iowa, and now, at this moment of historical exigency, is poised to watch Edwards and Clark do much the same thing over the South. Here is his horoscope for the day of the Virginia and Tennessee primaries:

Sagittarius, for February 10, 2004, Super Horoscope (Berkley Books)

"A kind deed in the morning is apt to attract a pleasant and unusual reward. Your investigative skills should be excellent ... your personal goals should be clearer as today's events validate your direction and strengthen your personal commitment to achieve your personal goal."

And that horoscope doesn't appear to be off, if the lefty Village Voice's James Ridgeway's damning profile of George Bush in 1972 is any indication. (UPDATE: The President has released his military record) Ridgeway writes:

"In Alabama, where George W. Bush supposedly was slaving away on Winton 'Red' Blount's 1972 U.S. Senate campaign in lieu of National Guard duty, he is remembered by a Blount son as a smartass 'cuntsman' from Texas.

"Bush Junior, as he was then called, used to come into Blount's campaign office in Montgomery, prop his feet up on a desk, and blab on about how much he'd drunk the night before, according to a detailed article by New Orleans freelance journalist Glynn Wilson on his Progressive Southerner blog.

"Blount's Belles, a group of young Republican women and Montgomery debutantes who were helping out on the campaign, would fall into a swoon at the sight of young George. 'We thought he was to die for,' said one. But the Blue Haired Platoon, a group of older women campaigning for Blount, referred to Junior as 'the Texas souffl�' because he was 'all puffed up and full of hot air.'"

Charmed, I'm sure. But things really are not going well for the President. His interview with Tim Russert made him look weak and uncertain. The right wing political base is red hot over his policy compromises on immigration, prescription drugs and weopons of mass destruction.

But of course, Senator John Kerry is a fluffy overly ambitious hairdo with zero substance, so it all works out in the end.