Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Britney as Bond Girl

According to the 3AM Girls, Britney Spears has set her sights on becoming a Bond Girl, following in the footsteps of her mentor, Madonna, who played a role in Die Another Day.

The 3AM Girls write:

"'Britney's desperate to carve out a name for herself as an actress and loves the idea of being a Bond girl,' reveals our insider. 'She's in great shape and thinks she'd be brilliant.

"'Britney has seen what it's done profile-wise for Halle Berry and she wants a slice of the action." But we can understand why they may be reluctant to sign her. Britney was widely panned for her starring role in Crossroads, a sickly-sweet teen road-trip movie."

The article goes on to say that Britney sees that her music career is just about over so she wants to make the transition into acting. Fair enough, but what name will Britney pick? In the Bond Girl tradition of Pussy Galore, Kissy Suzuki, Mary Goodnight and Honey Ryder, The Corsair would like to suggest a few:

Pepsi Girl: The Bond movies are so thick with product placement, that Britney could simply enter the fray as one herself. Imagine Britney a deadly, nameless assassin from Kentwood, Louisiana who can crush a man to death with her jumbulayas. A French double agent (Cajun!), she is drinking the cold beverage, suggestively, trying to seduce 007. She is unable to distract him, so she calls her allies on her Nokia phone to inform them of Bond's whereabouts.

Kat Bayou, a wetland ecologist from Louisiana's Nature Preserve(hey, come on, Denise Richards played a nuclear physicist!). She befriends 007 against terrorists who plan to release bio weopons into the Louisiana Gulf. Adventures with alligators and snakes bring Bond and Bayou closer together.

Cassandra A New Orleans psychic who gets on the wrong side of Haitian gangsters and voodoo obeah men and needs 007 to bail her out. Cassandra "succumbs to Bond's advances and loses her powers of perception, but gains freedom."

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