NY Times' Neil Strauss: Porn Writer?

Damn, we had just gotten all up in Neil Strauss' grill on Saturday for describing a rambling Courtney Love phone call as Joycean, and now it appears our New York Times whipping boy du jour, our boy Strauss is trading up from the Old Grey Lady all done up in curlers and wearing her bloomers contrasted with the supple silicon-enhanced porn queen in her prime. Delicious.

That most excellent media duo Rush and Molloy report that Strauss is ghostwriting the pornobiography of "starlet" Jenna Jameson. They write:

"Editors at The New York Times were were, um, taken aback when they learned that music critic Neil Strauss was ghost-writing Jameson's memoir, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star. Actually, says a source, 'They went insane.'

"Now we hear that Strauss has been talking with Jameson about appearing in her next movie as a male nurse. Our snitch says that Strauss won't be joining in the groaning and groping. Still, it's bound to cause concern on W. 43rd St.

"A Times spokeswoman says Strauss and his bosses 'had a frank and thorough discussion of outside activities. We would not agree that the editors went insane, or ballistic. They did point out to Neil, with some emphasis, that our guidelines include this passage: Before accepting a freelance assignment, a staff member should make sure that the tone and content of the publication, Web site or program are in keeping with the standards of The Times."

The Old Grey Lady is respectable, she defines reality. She will not be mocked. La donna e mobile. She wants her journos to be flies on the wall, not guys on the ball. But Hmmm. What would a Strauss-crafted porn script look like, The Corsair wonders.

(fade out)

fade in

1a. INT. HOSPITAL DOCTORS LOUNGE IN THE HOLLYWOOD. DAY

MALE NURSE TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR

Boy, it's been a while since I've been able to show some young sugar my bedside manner. All I ever see in this place are Old Grey ladies. I'd love to ...

JENNA JAMESON ENTERS IN SHORT SHORTS

I think I took a wrong turn trying to get back to my room

MALE NURSE

No, honey, you took the right turn

JENNA

Oh dear, I can't believe I got lost in this hospital. Can you help me get back to my room? I want ...

MALE NURSE, sort of half-sliding and half-oozing from the chair.

I know what you want, baby.

music seeps

SEX SCENE ONE

They are interrupted by Adam Nagourney YOUNG BUCK, walking in without knocking, with big fake 70s porn moustaches, shortpants and an old USC Film School t-shirt

Oh, excuse me, I was looking for the commisary. I was hankering for a slice o' pie.

JENNA JAMESON

Sweetie, I got all the pie you need right here ...

MALE NURSE

And it's the best kind: Georgia peach!

(Abrupt Sven Nykvist close up on Nagourney)

Nagourney looks straight into the camera, cocks his eye and says:

I'll buy that for a dollar!

Alright, enough. But, come to think of it, The Corsair can understand why The Old Grey Lady would be jealous that her reporters were giving all their "tender mercies" to Jenna Jameson.