Monday, August 30, 2004

A Little of the Old In and Out

In: Pataki Versus Hillary?! So, there we were, yesterday morning, sipping our Kenyan blend coffee, humming Monteverdi -- as we are wont to do on a Sunday morning when the air appears charged with Western religiosity, or, at the very least, politics -- which is close; watching the dark-eyed George Stephanopoulos interviewing Hillary Clinton, flush and rosily complected in the fullness of her Senatorial power yesterday, which is, to be frank, a surreal experience to say the least. A lot of shit has gone down between these two over the years. And yet, for the sake of The Great Game of Politics, the journalist and the Senator put aside the love and the hate they once shared to inform the junkies who wake up at 9AM for a politics fix.

At least in theory.

(The Corsair sips richly from a glass of Baron Philippe de Rothschild-Mouton Cadet)

Watching an interview between these is like observing the proceedings between a cunning cobra try to enchant a hungry little mongoose. We'll let you draw your own conclusions as to which one is which animal, as I have all the confidence in the world that we are on the same wavelength on this (The Corsair winks), and you can decipher my hidden meanings.

Anyhoo: Stephanopoulos made a curious comment towards the end -- sharp -- proffers up, with a beatific smile, a tiny bit of vinegar, namely, he said that there is "some talk about Governor Pataki running against you."


For a brief moment in time, Hillary looked like her blood froze to ice in her veins and someone, Stephanopoulos, had knocked the wind from her mighty sails. She stared. A beat. George sat smiling, drinking in the political theater.

Then, as always, Hillary regained her frosty Scorpionic demeanor and riffed her pat answer about how she "tries not to think about that (stuff)."

Why Pataki? According to the Republican paper of record, The New York Post, the Pataki-Giuliani race is still undecided; Fred Dicker notes that Georgette Mosbacher, the Diva of New York Republican cash, has not picked her pony in the race.

"'Is there a favorite right now between the two of them? It's hard to say, but we'll have a better sense when the week is over,' said state Republican National Committeewoman Georgette Mosbacher."

And when the scarlet tressed Mosbacher speaks (The Corsair crosses himself), shark-eyed Wall Street investment bankers bend their knees, scuffing up their power suits, giving rightful worship and praise a la Medieval Quest Knights to their Pure Ladies. Such is the walnut paneled cognac and cigar smelling back room politicking in Albany. Mosbacher guards the GOP coffers in the Investment Banker capitol of the world like a massive Valkyrie lording over fallen heroes on a Norse battlefield, which, considering the complexions involved, is not a metaphor far flung.

The one-who-gives-the-best-speech-at-the-convention competition will get the Wall Street moolah for 2008, as well it should, but not before. Of course, who can deny that Giuliani, already being hailed a "Churchillian," he who will smother his speech with saucy 9/11 references, calling to attention his own heroic role, has already won that little tete a tete?

Pataki, an amiable, but incompetent Liberal Republican Governor with simple Hungarian roots, seems almost clumsy and uncomfortable in his own skin -- not yet ready to go "National," compared to, say, the oily, slithering serpentine Giuliani. A Hillary race would be entirely faught on star wattage as well as coalitions upstate, a race better suited to Pataki, a race almost the polar opposite of the upcoming NJ Governor's race, which will be based on what trenton reporters call P & E, or, rather, property Taxes and Ethics.

Does Stephanopouos know something that we, the political and pop culture junkies, don't? Has Pataki conceded that a future Presidential run as not to be in the cards? Has he set his guns smoking on Hillary? The political geek in me is salivating ... enquiring minds want to -- need to -- know.

Out: The Charmed Curse. According to that significant cultural artifact (okay, the other one), The National Enquirer, adorable dingbat Jessica Simpson is worried about the relationship curse on the Charmed set where Nick Lachey makes his WB debut in 2 weeks:

"Nick recently admitted he had a crush on Milano and admitted he told her on the set of 'Charmed' that he had a poster of her hanging in his locker. Milano, whose own marriage lasted less than a year, said the feeling was mutual. 'His eyes are like lavender. I can't even look at him when I'm working with him . . . he's hot.'

"No doubt Jessica found her comments less than charming.

"'Jessica -- who can be very superstitious -- told Nick that she had heard a rumor that there was a 'curse' on the relationships of the Charmed cast,' said an insider. 'She pointed out that former series star Shannen Doherty broke up with her husband Rick Salomon (of Paris Hilton sex tape fame).

"Rose McGowan split with fiance Marilyn Manson the same year she got the role as Paige Matthews on the show.

"'And former Charmed co-star, Nip/Tuck actor Julian McMahon, left his wife Brooke Burns and took up with Doherty!

"'When she brought all this up to Nick, he just laughed and told her that was a bunch of nonsense. But Jess is not so sure about that. I bet she knows her husband is an incorrigible flirt who seems to have sex on the brain all the time.

"'Jessica tried to talk Nick out of doing the WB series but he wouldn't hear of it. He's seemingly been unhappy with the way his career has gone since he teamed up with wife Jessica on Newlyweds. Nick sees this as his big break."

Possibly-maybe so does Alissa Milano?

This I swear ...

In: South Americans And the Ultra Rich. South Americans are the new black. According to the New York Post's resident cutie-pie, Elisa Lipsky-Karasz, Colombian's get all the heirs:

"Sorry girls ? anyone with hopes of becoming the next princess of Monaco might have to wait a while. Andrea Casiraghi, the heir to the throne and his mother's model looks, has been quietly dating Colombian hottie Tatiana Santo Domingo for months. She's a gorgeous member of the family that's been nicknamed 'the Kennedys of Colombia.'"

Then again, as Reuters reports, Brazilian "sporto's" get all the heiresses:

"Olympic horseman Alvaro Affonso de Miranda Neto, the Brazilian boyfriend of billionaire Athena Roussel, heiress of Greek shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis, already feels married to the world's richest teenager.

"'I love her and my daughter more than anything. In the beginning I was a bit lost on how to react (to the press). But then I got used to my new life,' Affonso, known as Doda, told Greek Alpha TV (recently)."

Out: The Tink Stink. Whiffs of mystery and clouds of menace surround the strange disappearance of Paris Hilton's signature teacup Chihuahua, Tinkerbell. Where did Tink go? What did Tink do while on the lam? According to that significant cultural artifact, The Star:

"Speculation on the dog's disappearance has focused on two scenarios: one has sister Nicky letting the dog out of the house by accident; the other has Paris forgetting where she left the poor pooch, period!

"One source claims Tink disappeared when sister Nicky 'left the door open accidentally and the dog ran away.' But if Tink was in fact on the lam, how long would a pampered pooch last on Hollywood's mean (and busy) streets? Probably not long, says a staff member at a West Hollywood animal shelter. 'Someone would have to take it off the streets,' she said. 'There are so many cars out here, a small dog like that could easily be hit.'"

"The second account of Tink's disappearance is even stranger. A source close to sister Nicky insists Paris visited her grandfather William Barron Hilton's L.A. estate, left Tinkerbell there, went to Nicky's Aug. 15 Las Vegas wedding and then forgot about Tink! The source says Paris returned to her dog-less Hollywood home and freaked when Tink wasn't there."

And what not:

"... Star has requested any proof of Tinkerbell's whereabouts. 'There are no details other than that the dog was found,' is all the Hilton camp will say. Did Tink meet an untimely demise? Could Paris be planning to replace Tink with a look-alike? The latter is at least possible, according to the animal shelter staffer. 'Chihuahuas have their characteristics and personalities just like people,' says the staffer. 'But most of them do look alike.'

"So until proof of Tinkerbell's whereabouts and identity is provided, this case is not closed!"

Go, Star, fly with the wind; I bequeath to thee my full Encyclopedia Brown collection to help you in your investigation. (You just know Bugs Meany is behind this one)

In: Laura Branigan. That full voiced 80s pop diva Laura Branigan died of a brain aneurysm (Thanks to eagle-eyed Pop cultural maven Tom Biro at The Media Drop for the story).

The fact that she died of a brain aneurysm didn't stop the London Telegraph from this odd line featured in their obit:

"Yet Gloria was redeemed by Branigan's powerful delivery, and it found an audience in clubgoers who were hungry for high-energy (or, in the parlance of the day, Hi-NRG) tunes. The song had that happy knack of lodging unbidden in the brain, and soon there were few teenagers who could not hum it."

"Lodging unbidden in the brain"? Yuck! I'll chalk it all up to being August and the real writers were on vacation in Sardinia.

The Corsair, frankly, loved Gloria, and, especially that line, "You really don't remember (The Corsair boogies quietly)/ was it something that he said?/Are the voices in your head calling, Gloria?"

Which -- granted -- is kind of creepy to celebrate, considering, now, after the aneurysm and all. I mean, maybe the voices in her head had a legitimate medical diagnosis.

Of course, no bio should exclude her disgusting breaking of the unofficial music industry wide boycott of Sun City in the 80s. But, as she said in her hit Self control, "I, I live among the creatures of the night/I haven't got the will to try and fight."

RIP, Laura Branigan.

"'He's going to love being on the Charmed set, surrounded by all those cute young women.'"

Read the rest of the article here.

Out: Who got booed at the VMA's last night? The verdict is still out, as a Wonkette reader says:

"It was unclear exactly whom the cheers and the boos were meant for or why. They began immediately after radio and MTV personality Carson Daly introduced 'from New York, Barbara and Jenna Bush and here in Miami, Vanessa and Alexandra Kerry.'"

Floridians, in our experience, especially the young 'uns, are particularly Republican, pro-free market and military shows of strength, so, we'll guess that the boos were for the Kerry's. This is quite a culturally significant and interesting development.

In: Jacko Sells Neverland. According to Ananova:

"Michael Jackson is said to be selling his Neverland ranch because he fears it has been bugged by police.

"He has refused to enter the �8 million home since he was arrested there last year, claims the Daily Star.

"A source told the paper: 'He has had it debugged several times and now wants to sell.'"

Ah, the paranoia has set in. 50-50 bets that in a year's time he will start talking about aliens and the CIA are communicating to him via tin foil. So best.

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