Thursday, August 12, 2004

Andy Dick's Best Friend is Dead

"She's a superfreak/ superfreak ... he's superfreaky ... yoww!"

Page Six let us into the vida loca of Andy Dick:

" TV comic Andy Dick went on a randy rampage at Suede early yesterday that ended after he burst into tears over the death of his friend Rick James and was thrown out of the Chelsea club by 'Little Shop of Horrors' star Joey Fatone. Dick ... tried to kiss any man or woman he bumped into, including 'Austin Powers' actor Seth Green, rolled around on the men's room floor, and asked clubgoers if they had cocaine."

"She's all right, she's all rightThat girl's all right with me, yeah"

"The vodka and cranberry-swilling comic then barricaded himself in Suede's dishwashing room and began sobbing uncontrollably about James, who died last week, reports an eyewitness who witnessed the meltdown. 'My best friend is dead!' Dick wailed. 'He's gone! He's dead! You don't understand! All my best friends die!'"

That girl is pretty wild now/ The girl's a super freak/ The kind of girl you read about/ In new-wave magazines ..."

"Dick then handed a dishwasher a stack of $100 bills so he could 'live in the room.'"

"When I make my move to her room it's the right time/ She's never hard to please ..."

"When Fatone � whom Dick taunted as 'Fat One' � and Suede owner Eytan Sugarman tried to coax him to leave, Dick said, 'You don't want to push me around, because I'm perfectly capable of doing this' � and punched an unidentified friend standing next to him in the face."

"That girl is pretty kinky/ The girl's a super freak I really love to taste her/ Every time we meet"

"Finally, Fatone, the former *NSYNC member who co-hosts a Tuesday night party at Suede with promoter Brandon Marcel, dragged the blubbering Dick outside with the help of Sugarman and loaded him into a cab in front of a crowd that included Green, Mets outfielder Cliff Floyd and MTV veejay Vanessa Minnillo. Green was overheard sputtering, 'That guy tried to kiss me,' as Dick was hauled past him."

"She likes the boys in the band/ She says that I'm her all-time favorite ..."

"But Dick's rowdy romp wasn't over yet."

"The former 'News Radio' star, who has battled drug and alcohol abuse in the past, headed downtown to Plan B on Avenue B and promptly commenced smooching and slapping the people inside."

"He will never let your spirits down/ Once you get her off the street, ow girl ..."

"'He was obviously obliterated,' Plan B co-owner Josh Boyd told us. 'He jumped on the back of Jason Battle, my co-owner, and kept trying to kiss him. Then he started getting violent and bitch-slapping people."

"Temptations sing!"

"'We finally quarantined him and put him in a separate room. But then he slipped outside and skipped out on his $300 bar tab. The last anyone saw of him, he was rolling around the street on Avenue B.'"

"And she'll wait for me at backstage with her girlfriends /In a limousineGoing back in Chinatown"

Goodbye Courtney, you're yesterday's news, the new freak of the week is Andy Dick. God bless him.


Anonymous said...

All the teens are screaming that it's fake. It looks real enough to me, but what do I know? Can we verify its authenticity?

The Corsair said...

teens?! Sorry guys, I'm going to have to remove the pic. I hope this is as entertaining, but more wholesome fare.