Monday, August 30, 2004

Bodyguard: Russell Crowe Didn't Bite My Ear ... He Took a Nip at my Chest


Aussie Oscar winner and anger managagement issues poster boy Russell Crowe denied he pulled a Tyson recently, gnawing on his trainer-bodyguard Mark "Spud" Carroll's ear.

His trainer says no -- emphatically! -- to the Melbourne Sunday Herald. Crowe most certainly did not bite his ear ... he did, however, "take a nip at my chest." (Averted Gaze)

Then again, that's mitigated by the fact that Spud was trying to "smother" Russell Crowe. Just some Aussie horseplay, you see: it's all good; a misunderstanding.

Read on, as Spud explains in an "editorial":

"RUSSELL Crowe did not bite my ear. That never happened, simple as that. He did take a nip at my chest - I was trying to smother him at the time, so I can understand the move.You would have laughed. He's not a big bloke and he certainly isn't strong in a weight-lifting sense, but you don't want to let him get a measure on you from the outside because he's too quick.

"'Best to keep him close, but that also has it's drawbacks because it's like trying to hug a p.....-off pit bull.

"'I'm a very competitive person and so is he - that is why we are friends. As for calling it a fight, believe me, we have done much more damage to each other playing touch footy.'"

Crikey! "Touch footy" notwithstanding, Australians are a strange people. Some say that because many Aussies are descendants from a 19th century British prison colony, that explains their love of "extreme" roughousing. You know the one who I'm talking about.

Hello! Magazine chimes in:

"'Spud and I had a push around after work on a Friday night,' confirmed the Gladiator star. Russell, who is currently working on the boxing flick The Cinderella Man, was chatting with a female extra when the incident took place. Apparently Mr Carroll's suggestion that people might get the wrong impression rather upset the actor.

"'The misunderstanding arose when Spud came over to tell me what he thought other people in the room might have been thinking of my conversation,' revealed Russell. 'I thought he was accusing me specifically of something and I took offence to it.

"'It doesn't surprise me that I'm overly sensitive to gossip and speculation and heartily sick of other people's perceptions. Spud was passing on other people's perceptions and I shot the messenger. Luckily for me, the sequences we were shooting required me to wear heavy post boxing make-up, so you couldn't tell.'"

"All was forgiven the next day when the two 'called each other a few ripe names, had a hug and got on with the job'."

What are a few ripe names between mates?

To recap: If upon a winter's night a traveler finds himself being "smothered" after a "push around," it would not be bad form for the traveler to "take a nip" out of the aggressor's chest.

Just so you know.

In lighter entertainment themed news, according to fashionweekdaily:

"Sarah Jessica Parker is expected to co-host the Bottega Veneta store opening cocktail party with Mikhail Baryshnikov benefiting the Baryshnikov Arts Center."

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