Friday, April 22, 2005

An Open Letter To Dakota Fanning


(image via Enzogiobbe)

Dear Dakota Fanning:

Yeah, you; I'm talking to you, little "Miss Movie Star." You think you're so cute with your baby milkteeth and your freshly cut bangs, don't you? Yeah, we know, you've starred opposite Denzel Washington and Mike Myers. Well, I'm calling you out. Dear Dakota Fanning: I know you for what you are, which is -- 58 pounds of trouble with a capital "T." We know all about those Krispy Kreme doughnuts that you had imported on your movie set from Melbourne. Aren't you the little Bismarck. Did you put that in your "contract rider"? How convenient.

I pity the director who had to coax out a decent performance from you after that sugar rush. But it's all about the power for you, right?

P.S. You think you're so special. Who made you Queen of the World, Dakota Fanning. You're not the boss of me!

PPS: And why are you always crying and stuff in your movies? Like, all little girls can do in situations is cry. You're so sexist, Dakota Fanning.

PPS: It's not too late for you to change your ways, little girl. I'm pulling for you.

Yrs, The Corsair

1 comment:

Emil said...

Pretty helpful piece of writing, thanks so much for your post.
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