Thursday, April 14, 2005

A Little of the Old In and Out


In: The Quest 400. Our favorite social chronicler, David Patrick Columbia celebrated the annual Quest 400 issue toasting the socially prominent, where names like "Chappy," and "Muffie," and "Somers" prevail (Averted Gaze):

"Last night was a night about society in New York, past and present. There was a cocktail party at Doubles, hosted by Christopher Meigher, the owner/publisher of Quest magazine and yours truly, celebrating the annual publication of the Quest Four Hundred, a list which was begun in 1993 by ... yours truly ... and which, much to my continuing amazement, has legs."

All kidding aside, congrats, DPC.

Out: Matthew and Penelope. Dark-eyed she of the perfect cupid's bow lips, or he of the granite-hard six-pack abs. Mirror mirror on the wall: Quien es mas bitchlike of them all? According to Popbitch:

"Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz are real-life lovers and star together in ludicrous new action movie Sahara. When making the film, Cruz happily made do with the production's hair stylist and make up guy. McConaughey, on the other hand, insisted that he needed his own personal make up artist and hair stylist and two hair colourists."

So, Matthew's the "bitch" in that little relationship, feh? We figured as much. That swan-like neck? He must pee sitting down. Also, in this week's Popbitch: a dubious sexual act called the "Flaming Amazon," a plastic surgery procedure known as "Demon Eyes (see Nicole Kidman? Hello?)," and the increasingly cranky old coot Lauren Bacall insisting on an armchair and some chilled Evian for her lapdog.

In: Tina Brown's Bathroom. That Jessica Coen. She's "fiesty." Just four days after being invited on Topic A with Tina Brown, all up-in-Tina's-bitch so to speak, Coen posts cellphone pictures of her hostess' watercloset.

And, there appears to be lots of legible stuff going on in her little-girls-room, by which The Corsair means mounted newspaper clippings and magazine covers and whatnot. This new development sets dangerous precedent, of course -- this celebrity bathroom photo-taking business. What's next? Celebrity underwear drawer shots? It makes one wonder after the wisdom of hosting dinner parties at one's own place of residence in this new Internet Age with cellphone cameras at the ready.

Still, we were oddly fascinated all the same. Does Tina post such reading material in the loo with ironic detachment, or was she suffering a minor bout of thumoeidutic vainglory? Enquiring minds ... and all that.

Out: Alex Trebek. We'll put this in the form of a question: Alex, Where is the horse improbably named "BeBe Trando"? Did you "consume" it like a Lagerfeld? Well, did you? The AP says:

"A woman has sued 'Jeopardy!' TV quiz show host Alex Trebek in connection with the disappearance of a $100,000 broodmare she delivered to his central California horse breeding farm.

"The lawsuit demands that Trebek and Creston Farms return the mare named BeBe Trando, or reimburse the woman, Marion Warner, for her loss plus damages and legal fees.

"The suit, filed March 16 in San Luis Obispo Superior Court, says Warner believes 'that defendants ... sold, traded, gifted or otherwise disposed of BeBe.'"

Is Alex Belgian, by the way? No? French Canadian, you say? Because Belgians "dispose" (Averted Gaze) of their horses with lemon-butter and oodles of fresh chives.


In: Senator Lincoln Chafee. The eccentric Rhode Island Senator (What is it with eccentric, aristocratic Rhode Island Senators? Is it something in the rose gardens of Newport? Is it in the sea air when they set sail round the harbor? Remember Claiborn "Wellborn" Pell's fucking loopy UFO alien-life-form sidebars in the U.S. Senate?!) is the swing vote on the Bolton UN confirmation.

A Rhode Island Republican is, like, a Communist in Texas, so on occasion -- but not often -- Chafee votes with the Dems. And so it is not too odd that the Dems are courting him to sink the Bolton confirmation. But if he did in this case give in to the charms of the Democratic Party, Chafee would all but secure the Siberia-treatment from the Republican majority ad infinitum.

And, like the pretty girl trying to decide who to go to the Prom with, Chafee is drawing his decision out. He's making us wait with baited breath on just how he'll decide to vote. Damn him. And damn me -- policy-wonk that The Corsair is -- for even caring.


Above: LA Reid multitasks, taking an important music industry related cellphone call while performing an unusually complicated African-American handshake.

Out: Russell Simmons. The Corsair just doesn't like Simmons. It goes way back. Simmons burned us on an interview for YRB Magazine a few years ago. And he never apologized. We arranged a phone interview through his office, and he literally just did not show up. Nor did he answer his cellphone when his extremely apologetic assistant tried to reach him. Russell is infamously disrespectful of the press. He once ignored Tina Brown, who was there to interview him, for, like, 30 minutes while he hung out with LL Cool J in another room, watching basketball. Well, these things come back to bite you in the ass, you know.

And his wife with the "turkey neck." (Averted Gaze) Hey, Kimora (fake smile). Charmed, I'm sure, baby pop. Don't even get me started on the self-proclaimed "Fly Bitch," Kimora Lee Simmons. So, it seemed like he was taking a step backwards when The Corsair read this:

"Entrepreneur Russell Simmons announced his return to the music business Wednesday, working with the rap label where he made his fortune.

"Simmons, who co-founded Def Jam Records two decades ago before selling it in 1999 for $100 million, will head up Russell Simmons Music Group.

"The label is a joint venture with Island Def Jam Records, created from the merger of Island Records and Def Jam.

"'This is a tremendous blessing to come back to work at this company,' Simmons said at a news conference. He admitted that he has not made records for 'many, many years.'

"He joked that he contributed some 'shouting' on the new record by Reverend Run, half of the legendary rap duo Run-DMC and one of the artists on his new label."

Swell. (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment).


In: Janice Dickinson. Thank you, O Fearless Defamer, for documenting this nip slip. It's an odd thing about Janice Dickinson. None of my friends thinks she is all that hott to begin with. Too surgically enhanced is the general consensus The Corsair hears at that Hell's Kitchen bar.

Granted, the creepy reptilian eyes can be construed as a definite turn off, but -- to The Corsair -- she looks like she would be something of a panther between the sheets.

But then there's the filthy fucking Jon Lovitz connection. Yuck! *The Corsair shudders* Okay, she's a skank. But the Defamer shot is definitely intriguing.

Out: Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. First, the Senate Majority Leader allowed the AARP and Senator Harry Reid to shape the debate on the President's Social Security plan. Second, Frist failed to rein-in his troops and fell into the trap of the calculated Democratic Party radio silence over the Schiavo case (Barney Frank, in a safe seat representing the Harvard cultural elite, was front and center, brilliantly steering the debate, providing ground-cover for Hillary and Reid and Dean and the the 2008 hopefuls in the party). Now, According to TheHill:

"Senate Republican leaders were due to meet last night amid rising concern that they are being beaten on the 'nuclear option' by Sen. Harry Reid�s (D-Nev.) public-relations war room.The GOP�s talks follow a meeting last week in which aides warned Bob Stevenson, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist�s (R-Tenn.) communications director, that something needs to be done to win back lost ground, a participant said."

Majority Leader, amend thyself (Averted Gaze).

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