Tuesday, April 05, 2005

The K-Fed and Britney Reality Show


A reality show? How could it have occurred otherwise. After exchanging vows amid oily chicken fingers, crab cakes and ribs (Averted Gaze), while dancing to 80s hairband Journey's 'Lights,' (Exagerrated cough suggesting feigned detachment) and sending guests home with goody bags that containing jeans and ... candy, is there any doubt that a reality show wouldn't cap off this cacophony of Trailer Trash nups? According to Hello!Magazine:

"Amid rumours ranging from a secret pregnancy to a looming break-up, Britney Spears and her husband Kevin Federline aim to set the record straight with a 'raw' fly-on-the-wall look at their private lives. Daily Variety reports the two will star in an unscripted TV series made up of video footage � including their early relationship, engagement and wedding � shot by the couple themselves."

And, no doubt, video footage of the alleged conception will be soon to follow on the DVD side.

"Britney explains: 'From the day that Kevin and I met, there have been constant rumours and inaccurate speculation about our lives together� I am really excited about showing my fans what really happened.'"

Let us hope for a certain restraint in the storytelling. Let us hope for subtle, luminous camerawork, like that of Sven Nykvist. Let us ... oh, fuck it; we're talking about Britney and K-Fed:

"(Britney) further adds: 'I am now going to be expressing my personal life through art.'"

The velvet Elvis? Fuzzy car dice? Of what manner of art are Britney and her dancerboy capable?

"Husband Kevin is similarly enthused, calling the programme a 'documentation of love.' The show offers Kevin and Britney a chance to 'tell their love story their way,' says UPN entertainment president Dawn Ostroff."

"It also promises to portray both the ups and downs of the romance, however. 'I don't think there's anything sugar coated about this,' says Ostroff."

Certainly not sugar coated, to be sure! But coated with "Partially hydrogenated fats, Whey, Hydrogenated soybean oil, Monosodium glutamate, Artificial colors (Including Yellow #6), Artificial flavors and Xantham Gum."

The full Britney here.


slyboots2 said...

Kinda reminds me of the lost reality TV series starring Liza and David...Do you think there'll be slapping and concussions? Brit seems kinda little...bet she can take him, though.

The Corsair said...

Possibly. But wiggers are dangerous. That's always been my experience. They are like the short guy. They are like Pesce. They have something to prove. Then again, Britney has those compact, powerful -- some might say stubby, but we'll refrain -- dancers legs.