Thursday, March 03, 2005

A Little of the Old In and Out


In: Senator John McCain, 2008? No, the Senator is not prepping for a Presidential run in '08; he is decidedly not testing the waters. Heaven forefend. Perish the thought. For god's sake, the man will be 72 in 2008!

Okay, so maybe he has made some curious trips to New Hampshire. And, well, presently he just happens to be writing a conservative-friendly themed book for the autumn that will have him doing promotions ... just in time ... to catch ... some early '08 electoral buzz. Hey! According to the Hill:

"Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) is hard at work on yet another book, slated for publication in the fall. Character is Destiny: True Stories Every Child Should Know will be, according to publisher Random House, 'a book for parents to share with their children ? original stories that illustrate the character lessons every young person should learn.'

"Longtime McCain aide Mark Salter is co-writing the book, as he has the senator?s previous best sellers, Faith of My Fathers, Worth the Fighting For and Why Courage Matters. Random House lists an October publication date, but McCain said yesterday, 'We?re praying. We?ve got a lot of work to do' to meet their deadline."

Looks like the ironclad ship has fired the first shot. The Corsair predicts he will run. And The Corsair will vote for him. The fireworks will be in the primaries: Clinton versus Edwards and Bayh; McCain versus Frist and his evil master, "Rove."


Out: I Can't Believe This is Me. Just when you thought that fetid beast with two backs, that "Bennifer" (Averted Gaze) had died a a grisly, Gigli entertainment-industry related death, it rises. According to Ananova:

"Jennifer Lopez has penned a song about her break-up with Ben Affleck.

"The track features on her new album, Rebirth, released this week.

"In 'Can't Believe This Is Me', the 34-year-old sings: 'I'm tired of running away from my fear and the day, That our life has no meaning, Without a word or a reason.'

"It goes on: 'Like a coward, you're leaving, Sitting here inside an empty room that was filled with us, Only boxes to define what was left of what we used to call love."

Is it just me, or does this all have about it the air of high school break-up letters cribbed hastily in loseleaf binders, passed furtively in the halls, beneath the surveillance of the hall monitors, pages wet with teenage angsty tears and the cheap yet forbidden fragrance of Charlie perfume and liquid paper?

"'It's sad that after all of this time, you have nothing to say, Ooh, and the only thing that you could've done, you choose to walk away.''

That extra "Ooh," adds just the right touch of Latina el cuchifrito. Conversational "sason accent," if you will. The article concludes: "Although neither Lopez nor her reps will comment on the track, one pal said: 'It is the story of their break-up. It's definitely about Ben.'"

And, accordingly, we expect the song to fall flat on its ass.

In: Denise Richards. The cheesy Playboy spread notwithstanding (The Corsair casts a disapproving gaze). The perpetual deer-in-the headlights gaze notwithstanding (The Corsair pronounces Denise, with terrific violence, a "fiend in human shape"). The impudent, overcosmeticized, head-cheerleader looks notwithstanding (The Corsair bleats like a goat). Wait a minute ... why is Denise Richards on our "In" list, anyway? According to that significant cultural artifact, The Star:

"Six months pregnant actress Denise Richards, 34, has filed for divorce from actor Charlie Sheen, 39, citing irreconcilable differences. The couple -- who married June 2002 -- have a daughter Sam who turns one year-old March 9. The divorce could turn nasty, according to one source, because Denise -- who has hired top Hollywood divorce attorney Laura Wasser -- is seeking sole custody of the children."

Any way you slice it, dumping Charlie Sheen is a good career move. Cold as ice. Not such a deer-in-the-headlights after all. (Note: The Corsair has no idea why these two broke up; we are just talking out of our ass)

Out: That Cosby Rug. When The Corsair was in High School, he sometimes wore busy Cosby sweaters. (A considerable pause) But ... that's neither here nor there. (The Corsair puts forth a powerful effort to remain focused) Bill Cosby is back in the news again. No, he didn't put roofies in anyone else's drink -- allegedly; and, no, he didn't get mad at Janice Dickinson for not fucking him. This time TheSmokingGun notes:

"Well, the comedian finds himself in the middle of a new lawsuit involving last year's alleged destruction of a valuable Chinese rug by a high-end New York City dry cleaner. Cosby, you see, entrusted the $30,000 floor covering to Meurice Garment Care for cleaning last year. When he got the rug back, however, it had sustained 'permanent and irreparable damage' that rendered it worthless. Cosby and wife Camille filed a claim with their insurance carrier, Insurance Corporation of Hannover, which quickly cut the couple a check."

You would think Cos, with all those honorary Education degrees (Averted Gaze), would think better than to entrust a $30,000 luxury item to a company with a crappy website.

In: Simulacra. In "Ray," the biopic, Jamie Foxx gave us a noteworthy screen-sized impression of the soul singer and was richly rewarded with the Oscy. Now, on E! a Jacko impersonator robustly re-enacts the days proceedings. He's having his 15 minutes of fame right now.

What's up with all the impressionists?

Out: Shot 97. The exchange of gunplay is not an appropriate means to resolve inter-office conflict. Such activity can only be properly construed under the category of "ghetto." Or "country-assed." Quite possibly, "hayseed." Such endeavors are rewarded with "the gasface."

And, a stricter police presence, at least according to Newsday:

"In the wake of Monday's rap-fueled gunplay outside Hot 97's studios and the management company that represents rapper 50 Cent, police are expected to keep a closer eye on both spots, law enforcement sources said.Police are likely to hike the frequency of patrols around the Hudson Street radio station and the West 25th Street building that houses Violator Management, the sources said.

"'We reserve the right to have an increased police presence where we think it's necessary and appropriate,' Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said yesterday, declining to be more specific."

Hot 97 definitely appears to need increased policing, what with Lil Kim's entourage shooting people in the ass cheeks, and what not. Or, "upper thigh" as the sympathetic media are calling it.
In: The Michael and Bubbles Rumor. Shall we just say the rumors that Joe Jackson shot and killed Bubbles the Chimpanzee because he found him in bed with his son, Michael, are exaggerated and leave it at that? Good.

Out: On Indecisive Presidents. 9/11 awoke a sleeping Giant. By comparison, Clinton looks to have "means tested" every major foreign policy decision. Granted, the tragdy of America's Somalia intervention weighed heavily on Clinton.

But boldness works, or at least creates bold reaction. And sometimes that's a good thing. Bush 43 was heavily influenced by his father's failures (desipte the incredible, unmatched, resume), 41's lack of boldness, his overcaution that cost him the Presidency to some unknown Arkansan governor. The effects of neoconservatism are going to influence every subsequent American President. So long as we remain the sole superpower, the indecisive president is a thing of ther past. Perhaps forever lost.

And so is any candidate who cannot project this new species of boldness to the American people.

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