Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Faye Duna-Weighs Her Food!


In this month's Hollywood Life Magazine, we get a candid and interesting conversation between Jamie Kennedy and Alan Cummings. They get all up into this bitch, the wandering "telos" of their fugitive bastard conversation touches on such disparate subjects as celebrity stalking, panty sniffing, the consistency of Paris Hilton's tits, and -- in a telling moment regarding the unfortunate reality of fucked-up eating disorders in Hollywood -- the fact that iconic "Mommy Dearest" actress Faye Dunaway actually ... weighs her food before consumption:

Alan Cummings: I never knew you once worked as Janeane Garafalo's maid. Was it one of those naked maid things? Did you have to take your clothes off?

Jamie Kennedy: (Laughs) No, it was in 1991 and I needed a job for the summer. I was taking acting classes and I got a job where I would work as a maid in the morning and then in the afternoon I was free to go to auditions. And I went to the door and she was there and she's like, 'Oh, you are my little maid boy.' I'd seen her (perform) because I started doing stand up comedy, so I started cleaning the apartment and snooping around, because I was totally perverted.

Alan Cummings: Did you sniff her panties?

JK: No, she had all these tapes of stand up and I would watch her performance because she was a really good stand up and had good timing. But I did look through her bedroom drawers.

AC: (laughs) ... I think (Garafalo's) great. I have a similar story. You know Juliette Binoche?

JK: Yes. Hot.

AC: I know, I think she's absolutely stunning. I slightly had a weird obsession with her for a while. She was doing a play in London and my friend was working in the wardrobe department and I got her to steal a pair of Juliette Binoche's knickers that she wore on stage, these kind of big bloomer ones that she wore in this Pirandello play.

JK: Really?!

AC: I framed them in my old flat in New York. And then when she was doing a play on Broadway, I went to see her in the dressing room and I had to really hold back from going, 'I have your knickers! I have your knickers!'

JK: (laughs) Did you ever tell her that story?

AC: No. Maybe she'll read this ..

JK: I love that we both have celebrity stalker stories.

AC: And that they both involve underpants. And then one time a jockstrap that I wore when I did Cabaret ended up on eBay.

JK: Really?

AC: Yeah, and I remember being like, 'Oh my God!' And then I thought, 'Well, OK you've got Juliette Binoche's underpants.

JK: Her (underpants) would be worth something to me ..

(Ed Note: Sweet and lovely. The conversation sways, veering without aim, then gets back on track):

Alan Cummings: I read that you've been linked to Paris Hilton. What does that mean, Jamie?

Jamie Kennedy: (laughs) Me and Paris were friendly for a moment and I actually really like Paris. I think she is a funny girl and she's nice and we hung out a few times. We met at the Playboy Mansion behind the monkey cages.

(Ed Note: A habitat rich with pathogenic bacteria ... other than Paris, we mean)

AC: At the Playboy Mansion? I love that.

JK: Have you ever been there?

AC: I'm dying to go now.

JK: Alan! You would love it. There's a huge pool and a huge jacuzzi, there's a cave, there's monkey cages and swans and peacocks and there's all types of gardens ...

AC: And girls with big tits. ... Does Paris have fake boobs?

JK: No, she's got a very nice body and it's 100 percent natural.

(Ed Note: Can we construe this ingot of carnal knowledge to mean that Jamie Kennedy actually 'X'-ed Paris?)

JK: You know Faye (Dunaway)?

AC: I was once Faye's date to the Grammys. I've got such great Faye stories.

JK: Oh, Faye's brilliant. I love that you went out with Faye. Did you guys make out?

AC: No, she wouldn't put out.

JK: (laughs)

AC: I was going to do this play with her that didn't happen, but I went with her to the Grammy's and you know she does this thing where she weighs her food.

JK: All the time! She's got this scale she puts her nuts in, she puts her tuna in ...

AC: We went backstage and she's got these sandwiches and I saw her taking the filling out of the sandwiches, putting it in a paper napkin and I thought, 'Oh dear, what's happening?' So Eminem is coming out and Faye and I go back to our seats in the front row of the Grammy's and the cameras are swirling past us all the time and I hear '30 seconds to air' and I see Faye getting her scales out, taking the ham and cheese and starting to weigh it and I'm like, 'Oh my God, we're going to be on national live television and she's weighing sandwiches.' It's 10 seconds to air and Faye says to me, 'Is this weird?' I said 'I get it, but I think it could be perceived as weird.'"

Mommy Dearest (The Sun)

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