Wednesday, March 09, 2005

A Little of the Old In and Out

(image via posterworx)


In: Heavy Metal Makeovers. Whatever happened to the inherent grittiness of metal? There is a certain nobility to the sheer fugliness of metal musicians. One thought that true medallions were above the petty vanities of the music industry. Why can't rockers get old and scuzzy with a modicum of white trash dignity, like Lemmy from Motorhead?

First Axl Rose went under the knife -- repeatedly -- with assorted cheekbone implants (Averted Gaze) and chemical peels that left him looking as it he had about him (cough suggesting feigned detachment) "a touch of the bitch." That sound you presently hear is that of biker bar owners removing, post haste, any trace GNR from their jukeboxes.

Also, as if by magic, curiously enough, there was Vince Neil of Motley Crue. Neil is more and more looking like a junkie hooker.

Next up in the metal makeovers, Ozzy Osbourne, according to ThisisLondon (link via Drudge):

"Wild rocker Ozzy Osbourne has confessed to having cosmetic surgery on his face

"The former Black Sabbath frontman admitted to a nose job and a facelift after being inspired by the positive results for his wife Sharon -- who has always been open about her surgical enhancements.

"'It boosted my confidence no end. I've had a face job and a new nose,' Ozzy told celebrity magazine Reveal."

Out: Bill Cosby. Wiggle-wiggle. According to TheSmokinggun:

"Two weeks after Pennsylvania prosecutors declined to file criminal sexual assault charges against him, Bill Cosby was sued today by the woman who leveled those accusations against the 67-year-old comedian. In the below lawsuit, filed in U.S. District Court in Philadelphia, the woman ..., who met Cosby in late-2002 when she worked at Temple University, contends that she agreed to go to the comedian's home after he called to say he 'wanted to offer her assistance in her pursuit of a different career.'"

Allegedly, of course. But this sounds alot like Cosby's "M.O." when he propositioned Janice Dickinson years ago, doesn't it? Allegedly, of course. The mentoring. The career advice. The telltale fingerprints in chocolate pudding. (A considerable pause) Okay, we just now made up the part about the pudding prints, but still.

The story goes that Cos brought supermodel Janice Dickinson to Vegas to open for him as a singer. That's right, a singer. Never mind the fact that she had never sung professionally before.

Afterwards, Cos visits her hotel room for some l'amour. Unfortunately, after the travel and the anxiety of singing before a live audience for the first time, Janice was too tired to let him in, and the story concludes, tragically:

"'Exhausted'? (Cosby) asked, and it was clear he was trying hard to keep his temper in check. ?After all I've done for you, that's what I get? I'm exhausted '. ?

"'Well gee Bill, if I had known it was going to be like this'?

"He waved both hands in front of my face, silencing me. Then he gave me the dirtiest, meanest look in the world, stepped into his suite, and slammed the door in my face."

I'm just saying ...

In: The Harlem Boys Choir. A Fitty Cent-Game Peace Rapprochment? It looks like unofficial Hip Hop Commissioner Al Sharpton's threats have done the trick. (The sap runs strongly in The Corsair's veins) Of all places, the Harlem Boys Choir may be the locale for the truce. According to Lloyd Grove:

"A Lowdown spy close to the event reports: 'It's a way for them to show that they can set aside differences for a good cause. The Boys Choir is pretty destitute - they had to lay off the bulk of their touring staff, and now people have to volunteer."

Fitty is scheduled to give a $150,000 check and Game $100,000. The stoppage of gunplay on New York city streets would be a nice deal closer.

Out: The State of the Times. Apparently Pinch is not especially high on the Old Gray Lady's short term prospects. According to the Observer's Tom Scocca:

"One tale of triumphant inheritance gave way to another Tuesday afternoon, as The Lion King yielded the stage of the Disney Theater to Arthur Sulzberger Jr.s State of The New York Times presentation. Bongo drums, a witness reported, were faintly visible in the wings as Mr. Sulzberger -- sans necktie, in a navy suit and blue shirt -- delivered a cheerful (if not sunshiny) account of the company's condition.

"Local circulation? Off, thanks to marketing cuts. Stock price? Down and notrising. Expenses? Still growing faster than revenues.

"'I wish I could see relief in sight,' Mr. Sulzberger said."

Oh, Pinch, why not just produce that goddamned purple moose to turn those frowns in the room upside down!


Above: Graydon Carter physically restrains the saucy Ellen "Me Love You Long Time" Barkin from showing the photographer how she "de-stresses" billionaire Ron Perlman at the NRDC Dinner.

In: The NRDC Dinner. Who would have known, the environment is hott (the global warming pun was somewhat unintentional) According to NYSocialDiary:

"The Cip 42nd was mobbed - hundreds of guests including Leonardo DiCaprio, who is on the Board of the organization (hey!) and Julia Louis-Dreyfus who is also an activist ... Randy Newman had recorded a song about the Cayahoaga River literally burning up in Cleveland."

(A hollow groan steals itself from The Corsair's lips)

"Today the Cayahoaga is clean again, and Mr. Adams-- and his associates-- NRDC is America's leading force for the environment.

(It is The Corsair's considered view that joy reigns supreme)

" ... The evening was capped off with a board member, James Taylor, performing some of his songs."

Sounds like a party.

Out: Challenging the Bolton Nomination. If Senate Democrats are challenging the Bolton nomination on the grounds that such opposition may soften the many blows that he will undoubtedly attempt to land at the Turtle Bay, then fine. By all means oppose as your opposing hearts desire to oppose.

But if Senate Democrats are trying to make the Bolton nomination a political hot potato issue with a fiery line drawn in the sand, then The Corsair would strongly advise against the wisdom such a move. In fact, The Corsair would question the sanity of such a "crack-headed" maneuver (Harry Reid?).

For one, we have noticed with interest the fact that Howard Dean, since becoming DNC Chair, has studiously avoided all use of the word "diplomacy." It reeks of privilege and turns off John Q. Public. Instead, Dean brilliantly speaks of the benefits of international treaties and ties that to the particular cash cow trade of the location he is speaks at, for example, manufacturing in Michigan, agribusiness in the south. Quite clever, that. One could argue that Kerry -- a diplobrat -- was sunk because he appeared to be the diplomatic pro-UN sophisticate. The UN will never be an issue that an American politician can win an election over. Follow Dean's lead. Second, the final Volker Report -- we hear -- is coming out soon, like, any day now. And it will be explosive. The Democrats do not want to be in the prone position of defending the Old Order at the UN when that report detonates. Use your goddamn heads, Democrats.

In: Incident at Loch Ness. Color us intrigued. According to Indiewire:

"As a screenwriter, Zak Penn has worked on Hollywood hits from X-Men 2 to Last Action Hero to the ... Jennifer Garner vehicle Elektra. But his directorial debut is anything but Hollywood -- it's a documentary-style project, shot for just $1.4 million, about film legend Werner Herzog making a film about the Loch Ness monster. But things aren't exactly as they seem -- this isn't really a factual 'behind the scenes' documentary. We don't want to spoil the surprises by explaining much more than that. (To explore further, visit As director Penn explains, 'The movie is a more interesting experience if you don't know everything about it going into it. That's part of the experience: when do you start to realize what's up and what's real and what isn't?'"

Okay, we're officially interested.

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