Thursday, March 17, 2005

A Little of the Old In and Out


In: Is Christina Applegate Crazy? Well, she finds Ben Affleck's well-worn dick amusing, so, she can't be entirely copacetic.

Anyway, The story goes like this, according to the NYPost: Christina Applegate broke her right foot jumping off a lamppost (Averted Gaze) during a performance of "Sweet Charity" in Chicago on Friday. Reviews of Applegate's performance have been thus far mixed, so controversial producer Barry Weissler overquickly announced that he'd replaced Applegate with her standby, Charlotte D'Amboise.

Then, apparently, things went sideways:

"... When Applegate heard (she was being replaced), she 'flipped out,' one production source said."

Hoo-boy. (The Corsair pulls up a chair and a glass of chilled Grappa, Roquefort cheese and Tuscan crackers) We're ... going to want to sit our asses down for this one. Former child star. Issues of a possible nervous breakdown. This is going to get interesting.

"Either way, Christina Applegate is determined to open on Broadway in 'Sweet Charity' despite her broken foot.

"She's told fellow cast members she believes she'll be on the mend in time for the show's April 21 opening in New York.

"'Christina is and always has been a passionate survivor. She's not done yet. In fact, she's already begun physical therapy. She can do everything but jog.'

"But Weissler, in interviews on Monday, said he didn't think she would heal in time. He even called the notion that she would be ready by April 21 'a little crazy.'"

Take it from The Corsair, who fractured a toe several years ago. There is no fucking way -- we don't care how ambitious the person -- that anyone ... can dance on motherfucking Broadway after breaking ones foot with only one month to heal up. So, is Christina Applegate a little "touched"? The Corsair will be on top with breaking news on the story ...

Out: Tabloids on Women's Weight. The Corsair has shown poor taste in the past on the sensitive issue of women and their weight. But we've seen the light, thanks to an honorable and persuasive reader in our comment section. The less that is said on the subject the better. Nothing -- by the way -- is ever said in the tabloids about the weight of men, to be frank; in fact, big guys are always being paired off in sitcoms with superhott women. Women have enough pressures with regards to their weight, and the tabloids -- who alternate between the cellulite covers and the current "too thin" issues (what, dear tabloids, is the perfect weight for a woman? huh? Or would you rather foster a permanent state of anxiety?) -- don't help matters.

In: Popbitch. Popbitch is notoriously dodgy with the facts, but we'll put this out there. See if it flies. Maybe someone can confirm if there is any truth at all to this outlandish ... cinematic story (The Corsair doesn't have the manpower to factcheck):

"The Killers are touring Japan at the moment.

"After being asked to leave the Park Hyatt Bar for getting drunk and then placing their cocks on the shoulders of unsuspecting female drinkers they retired up to the rooms to continue to party, with the 15 year-old daughter of a cabinet minister and Sheena Ringo aka the Japanese Bjork.
"Eventually the shenanigans get too much for the guests in the next room and there is a knock on the door. One of the band goes to tell whoever it is to sod off...but instead finds a US secret service agent, with a large gun. Just by chance, the next suite is occupied by ex-Secretary of State, James Baker. The 15-year old groupie shits herself with fear, and the Killers run off."

Leaving the 15 year old fecal stained groupie to the devices of the Machiavellian James Baker? Smooth move, Ex Lax.

Out: Farnsworth Bentley, Metrosexual. Farnsworth definitely exhibits here more than a little "touch of the bitch." (Averted Gaze) One can be too much of a metrosexual. To wit, according to Fahionweekdaily:

"Bentley: I�m a huge fan of Pegah Anvarian. She understands femininity and sexuality. I�m really excited about this show.�

"The Daily: What are you wearing?

"FB: �The jacket is by Jay Kos, a haberdashery on the Upper East Side. It�s all made in Italy. I like it because no one else has it on. The suede shirt is Ralph Lauren Purple Label and the pants are Turnbull and Asser.

"TD: Favorite lunch vegetable?

"FB: �Red Swiss chard in the fall and in the spring, asparagus.

"TD: What will you wear this summer?

"FB: �This summer I�ll hopefully be in Sardinia, topless."

Alright -- we've had our fill of bitch. The rest here.

In: The Anonymous Reader. The Corsair has been obsessed with the Lady Campbell is not a man saga at the London Spectator. An anonymous writer says:

"I'm Jamaican and actually just became familiar with the whole Lady Colin Campbell drama just recently, after my Dad came home from a visit to the UK. Here's the deal 'Georgie' is a woman ... her story is actually quite sad. Back in the day in JA, doctors were a little ignorant of her genital deformity (fused labia and deformed clitoris)so docs just said 'lets call her a boy, since the male sex is the more advantageous one.' Machismo mentality. Everybody knew about 'Georgie's condition' at middle school(an all BOYS school), where she was relentlessly taunted with lovely chants of 'Pussy Bwoy' and 'Gal Bwoy'."



Anonymous said...

Ron - From what I recall, a women's weight/height ratio goes:

5' = 100 Lbs

Add 5 pounds for every inch after that. I'm not talking about anorexic actresses/models, just normal weights. Be confused no more!

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