Saturday, March 05, 2005

The Dan Rather Drinking Game

(image via Zabalo)


Above: Nananana, nananana, heyheyhey ... goodbye!

Congressman Tom Feeny of Florida was Governor Jeb Bush's running mate in his first race for governor in 1994. But he's drinking milk!

The Representative has found a way to stand out in the diverse body that is The House. Not just another Republican in the moajority, my good man is throwing a goodbye party for Dan Rather. With hooch! And conservative babes! Oh, it's "on" ... it's on like Deborah Orrin!

According to TheHill:

"The 'C'est La Vie Comrade Rather' event - for the benefit of Tom Feeney for Congress - will be held from 5-7 p.m., during which attendees will watch Rather's final newscast at 6:30.

"Feeney told The Hill that the open bar will remain open only if guests drink from their left hands."

Hysterical. Too much. The Corsiar is pissing himself. Fuck Congress, Feeney needs to get his "sweet little conservative ass" over to the Beacon Theater in HarlemWorld and, by the bye, hit the chitlin comedy circuit. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, The Corsair believes we have a new Chris Tucker.

"The event appears to be more about a spurring a good turnout for Rather's end than about collecting cash: The tariff for admission is relatively modest, at $100 for members and $50 for staff.

"Jason Roe, Feeney's chief of staff, said that as of Friday afternoon, at least 15 members had committed, as well as a host of staffers. 'Response has been overwhelming,' said Feeney. 'People are excited to come ... A lot of us conservatives believe that we'll be celebrating the end of the liberal lock on the airwaves.'"

Well, The Corsair would like to believe that the demise of Dan Rather is symptomatic of an end to a disaterously eccentric programming decision on the part of CBS News, which chose loyalty to Dan over the evidence of the negative ratings; and, in a larger context, the end of Dan Rather signals the twilight of that species of dying media paleosaur, namely, the anchorman.

But there's no reason why Tom Feeney shouldn't spin it into a "Left/Right pissing contest." In fact, The Corsair would rather like to spin it counterclockwise, add a dash of chilled whiskey to the procedings, forthwith:

The Dan Rather Drinking Game (TM) (To be played on the Last Broadcast, Wednesday, March 9)

One Drink if:
-Rather cries like a bitch
-He says he's "not retiring," he's "changing jobs"

Two Drinks If:
-Rather recalls, fondly: The falling of The Berlin Wall, either of the Gulf Wars, Tianamen Square or Civil Rights.
-Or says during the broadcast, "Reporting IS important."

-If Rather makes a Ratherism
-Mentions the fact that "73 (years of age) is the new 53"

Down the Bottle:
-Rather has a nervous breakdown, blames Karl Rove and insults Brian Williams' impossibly perfect head of hair.
-Says, "See you down the road."

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