Monday, February 07, 2005

Sylvester Stallone: Inglorious Bastard?

The Sylvester Stallone Media Image Rehabilitation Tour (TM) begins this week with his interview on The Howard Stern Radio Show tomorrow (We can hardly wait! It ought to be better than Judge Dredd!). Then, in an upcoming episode of NBC's loathsome Vegas, he descends, creepily, into the role of "Frank the Repairman" with Joe Rogan, further hastening the Decline of Western Civilization. He's got a lot going on; Sly wants to -- ahem -- "pump up" his career, following that unfortunate role as a championship arm wrestling truck driver. Stallone may appear in the Quentin Tarantino flick, Inglorious Bastard, which is in development. According to HSX (link via Moviehole):

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"Quentin Tarantino is working on a World War II guys on a mission flick, like Dirty Dozen or Guns of Navarone. Presumably, the characters will not be simple cardboard figure action heroes, but will also take on some typical Tarantino anti-hero attributes.

"There is a role written for Adam Sandler, and others possibly for guys named Stallone and Willis."

Wow! We're so -- ahem -- "pumped" for Stallone! Especially after his mom, "psychic" Jackie, recently said of the oily former action star, to FemaleFirst:

"'During the delivery to speed things up, they grabbed these ice-picks [forceps] and yanked the baby out paralysing his whole head and face and part of his body. His body was so deformed it was pathetic.

"The doctors told me 'He's so crippled you ought to put him away.' But I decided he was going to walk, he was going to talk."

A classy dame, to be sure. But there are so many questions we'd like to ask Stallone, Is Tribute Media's claim that you paid Brigitte Nielsen $6 million in the divorce true? And, what are Stallone's thoughts on that hideous Strange Love show with Flavor Flav? Does he quietly seethe at the prospect of the former Mrs. Stallone "breaking off a piece of 'Gitte'" for a former crackhead? Or does he wish for their hapiness? Inquiring minds want to know ...

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