Saturday, February 12, 2005

Kissinger and Putin: Glorious Evil

That's Big Evil, keemo sabe! It's as if the lions and hyena's put away ancient rivalries and decided to split up the veldt 50/50. Now, imagine we are the gazelle's of that arrangement. New York's FashionWeek designers hungrily looked to cold Imperial Russia for inspiration in their Fall 2005 collections even as that fucking devious Machiavel, Henry Kissinger, executed a somewhat under-the-radar, over-your-bra-straps, pre Bush-Putin Slovakian February 25th summit meeting, visit to see the Russian President, a man who, we cannot fail to note, loves The Godfather:

"'I'm here in a private capacity, but for the purpose of strengthening ties between our leaders and our countries,' Kissinger said."

Grab your crucifixes, quick, people! When Henry the K starts unfolding complicated parenthetical asides in full view, well, your virtue is almost all but already compromised. Some Native American tribes had a cautious word -- a rarely used word -- which roughly translated meant, "bad medicine," or, "fucking major evil," which aptly describes our particular feelings on the matter.

We can't trust Kissinger as far as we can throw him -- which would not be very far, considering he likes to gnaw on his toasted Rumanian peasant babies in large quantities (Kiiding), and with Beluga caviar and blood pudding on the side(a joke!); but that's neither here nor there, as it is in Kissinger's labyrinthine interests -- legacy-wise -- to negotiate something off of Putin, to cop a cheap geopolitical feel, if you will; so, in some skeevy convoluted logistical compromise that involves us betraying our deepest principles, sleeping with the enemy without protection, impending doom kind of way, we are going to support Henry the K (Eew) on this matter (Gross)of some international significance (Yuck). But we are going have garlic round our necks, and crucifixes clutched and, at all times, Gregorian chants will be uttered. And he has to walk in front of us at all times. Cause we don't trust the fucker. This report from Russia's Novosti doesn't help matters:

"'We met a year ago. Our talk was detailed enough. I remember it to this day. Practically everything you said on the occasion has come true now, whether it concerned key issues of international life or the US domestic political situation,' said President Putin, and pointed out that they had met that time shortly before the latest presidential election campaign took start in the United States.

"'That is why it is of special interest to us to exchange opinions on current developments, especially with you, a fine collocutor,' remarked the President.

"Mr. Kissinger, in his turn, said every visit to Russia was of extreme interest to him, what with Russia's importance for the future of the entire world and for the global peace cause."

Yup, they both scare the fuck out of The Corsair, too.

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