Monday, February 07, 2005

Paris Disses Joey Buttafucco

On the Howard Stern Radio Show this morning, lecherous dirtbag Joey Buttafuoco regaled listeners on how he almost made it all the way to Saturday Night Live. Steve Dunleavey had the inside scoop, however:

"Speaking to The Post at a restaurant only blocks away from 30 Rockefeller Center, where 'SNL' is recorded, Buttafuoco said executive producer Lorne Michaels had him and his girlfriend flown in first-class from Los Angeles on Friday night to do the show. He even had a script.

"'It was a scene where Paris is being talked to by Lorne about doing the opening of the show, and how he can't have her do the opening with the looming scandal about her sex tape,' Joey said. 'And Lorne was saying she would hurt the integrity of the show. She's told to watch the show from off stage � then they'd bring me on.'

"The gag seemed innocent enough and Buttafuoco said Hilton's only speaking part was along the lines of 'Uh-huh . . . Mmm-hmmm . . . OK . . . '

"'Maybe the dialogue was a little too overwhelming for her,' said Ivanka, Buttafuoco's fianc�e, who didn't give her last name."

Maybe she didn't have one, or maybe she didn't want the Post to publicize it, Steve Dunleavy. Any low grade piece of ass that would agree to "affiance" Joey Buttafuoco probably would like to keep things on the DL, we think. The engagement acceptance was ... probably not an event greeted with champagne and mirth. More likely, that melanncholy mis-en-scene involved Vicodin and cheap wine, smudged mascara, the spraying of hot, shameful tears, with quivering lips mumbling something about "God as witness," ... and, "never go hungry again."

Not a pretty picture, you can imagine. But, even a whore's gotta eat, Steve Dunleavy. Thems mean streets. writes:

"Joey claims that he was asked to do Saturday Night Live last week so he was flown in to do a sketch with Paris Hilton. Paris was going to do a bit where she was going to be replaced by Joey Buttafuocco as the host. Joey said he got a phone call at 3 in the morning on Saturday that the bit was canceled. He was approached by a few people who told him that Paris freaked out and locked herself in her dressing room for some reason. Howard said that maybe Paris heard about some of the stuff that Joey has been through and she didn't want anything to do with him. Joey said that he never heard that it was about him, it was just that Paris freaked out in general. (Mark Harris) told Joey that it would have been funny if Joey had come out dressed in a jail outfit. Joey said that Saturday Night Live treated him very well and he was really looking forward to doing the show."

We cannot fail to note this funny review of The Long Island Lolita Love Story, starring Teen Steam star Alyssa Milano playing Amy Fisher, by one Robert J. Maxwell from Deming, New Mexico:

"What a tawdry tale. A narcissistic pedophile and a spoiled pretty nymphomaniac. Lots of sex, intrigue, conflict, some violence, all rather disgusting, which is probably why three independent TV made-for movies about the case hit the TV screens at the same time. This one is definitely from Buttafuoco's point of view. The poor guy loves his wife and children (sob) and never touches this succulent nymphet. Fisher is plumply overdeveloped, more than simply enticing, bursting her seams, and she's the aggressor and the liar in the tale. Buttafuoco is the innocent victim. Right. No ex coke addicted, pumped up, self-admiring Italian philanderer would dream of laying a paw on this fawning young creature. Man, is he put upon. Our eyes water at the narrative."

Cry me a river. But though the stars throw down their spears, watering heaven with their tears, the blog will go on.

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