Thursday, February 24, 2005

Jamie Foxx: Supermodel


Above: Ubiquitous narcissist and Oscar nominee, Jamie Fox, displaying "ass" for the camera, an open invitation to "mount."

Height? Youth? Whiteness? So very first room, true believers. In the world of high fashion modeling, my dears, Jamie Foxx makes do with sheer massive dumbness and his near cosmic self involvement. According to Hello!Magazine:

"A galaxy of stars took to the runway for a charity fashion show on Tuesday in Hollywood. Oscar nominee, Jamie Foxx ultra-chic in a white suit and sky-blue, feathered hat, lead the A-listers as he struck a pose on the catwalk at the General Motors-sponsored fashion fest. Also featured in the gala were Hilary and Hayley Duff and Red Hot Chili Pepper lead singer Anthony Kiedis. The celebrity models, who strutted their stuff against a backdrop of GM concept cars, were joined by Grammy winner Kanye West, who performed at the event." also took in the decor, saying:

"Foxx, who was the guest of honor earlier in the night at a nearby party hosted by L.A. Confidential magazine, pulled double duty at the fashion show, walking the runway in Dolce & Gabbana behind the new Hummer H3 and joining Kanye during his performance afterward."

You know, this would all desist if we all stopped paying attention to him. Jamie Foxx is the starved for attention three year old, disrupting every conversation at the party. He sings. He does impersonations. He acts like a buffoon.

"As the encore to West's hit-filled set, which also featured Common and Keyshia Cole, Foxx took the stage beatboxing while West freestyled about the crowd, which included Quentin Tarantino in the front row, hands in the air."

What, QT? All out of syringes and ass?

"... Foxx then shot up from his chair and sang the hook from 'Slow Jamz' while Kanye rapped his verse. 'Give it up for future Oscar winner Jamie Foxx,' West commanded."

Commands, you say? Kanye ... take Jamie Foxx's dick out of your mouth; that's better, now, realize and accept the fact that Hollywood's worshipful airs towards Jamie are in clear violation of the first commandment.

"While Foxx was ubiquitous Tuesday night, he plans to spend the rest of the week resting and preparing his acceptance speech for Sunday's awards show, where he's favored to win Best Actor for 'Ray'"

How cool would it be if Don Cheadle won for Best Actor? The Corsair believes Cheadle deserves it anyway for the accent alone (The Corsair's mom, who is Tutsi, said it was perfect) Wouldn't you love to see the Foxx camera close up as the words, "And the Oscar goes to ... omigod!-- Don Cheadle!" In that moment, do you think Foxx would throw furniture and get all ghetto up in the bitch? Huh, do you?

"'I don't know if I can [top the Golden Globes speech],' Foxx said. 'I saw Sidney Poitier a few days ago. There was no speech I have ever seen like the speech he gave to his friends at his private birthday party. He is the book, I'm the preface. Maybe someday I'll develop into a book, that's what I told him.'"

Overly ambitious, Jamie. Your reach exceeds your grasp. Baby steps first. Let's begin with: Maybe someday you will develop into a porno mag. Or a Jehovah's Witness bible tract.

"I talked to (Sidney Poitier) and he said, [impersonating the veteran actor] 'I saw you one time and our eyes connected.' He was giving me advice. He said, 'I'm giving you responsibility to go out and keep doing your craft.' "

The Corsair sees a future of endless biopics and impersonations done for media interviews (in much the same way Robin Williams annoyingly breaks into his manic antics until reporters feign amusement) in Jamie Foxx's future (Tyson?), and, should he win the Oscar over the hugely talented Don Cheadle, a fatuous acceptance speech ... an endlessly fatuous acceptance speech will be our collective punishment for indulging his self indulgence.


Carolyn said...

Ron! Ha ha ha! First of all, when you click "first commandment" the first thing you see is a huge add for South Beach! Ha! Secondly, I agree - I like Jamie Foxx but he's in love with the man in the mirror - and Cheadle was HOT in Rwanda. However - did you know that Will Smith was up for Cheadle's roll? The comics I hang with always talk about Will doing Rwanda as the Fresh Prince and Cheadle doing Hitch with the Rwandan accent. There's definitely an Oscar in there somewhere...

What's your take on Hillary Swank?

Carolyn said...

Cheadle's role. It's still early... and I'm obsessed with food.

Anonymous said...

It's about time someone said this! Bravo, Ron! There is just way too much hype surrounding Jamie now, it's pretty much "Ray overkill" these days (no pun intended)... if he's not careful, he'll find himself a victim of "JLo-itis", a syndrome with symptoms that include a head that swells so much that it explodes into a heap of schmaltz and cheesiness.

I think Don should win the Oscar, but of course, I know they'll give it to Leo.

The Corsair said...

The Fresh Prince would charm the Hutu's into putting down their machetes and join him in the Carlton Dance. I thought Swank had her best tomboy role yet in Million Dollar baby, but I'd like to see Annette Benning win for Being Julia.

Anonymous said...

Step away from that glass of Haterade. I'd reather hear about Foxx than that overrated girlie-man, DiCaprio.

The Corsair said...

I think we can all agree, wherever on the political spectrum we find ourselved ensconsced, that Leo DiCaprio is, indeed, an overrated girlie man.

Carolyn said...

2 things:

1) I just called Hillary a tomboy today at lunch and I am for Annette as well! We are living in a parallel universe...

2) Leonardo DiCaprio is Kate Winslet's bitch.

The Corsair said...

great minds snark alike, carolyn

(S)wine said...

Yes! Bollocks to Leo. On Foxx...I just can't see that man without thinking back to his "In Living Color" days and his Wanda character. "I rock yo' world."

On Hilary Swank. Is it me or does she look like Matt Damon with long hair? Especially in Boys Don't Cry--I kept thinking Brandon Teena was Damon.

argh! "Burn Hollywood, burn!"

(S)wine said...

Thank the Gods on Mt. Olympus (they still live there?) for men like Denzel, Cheadle, Morgan Freeman, to counter the stupidity of the others. And, by the way Ron, could The Corsair perhaps dig up some info. and let us know what on earth has Lou Gosset Jr. been up to lately?'s a challenge (perhaps): Where in feck is Dorian Harewood??

I also miss Bill Duke. I know he's been directing; but would love to see him back in front of the camera
(the Duke comment was spurned by last weekend's viewing of "Car Wash" for the millionth time).

Anonymous said...

Jamie Foxx was on one of the talk shows ions ago talking about the made for tv movie about Ray Charles he was working on with him. The movie was picked up by a big studio and no one ever mentions that it was originally for television. Is that a secret now?!

The Corsair said...

not anymore. I'm such a "Car Wash" fan. They don't make en like that anymore. I'll get back to you on Grossett. I know he always attends those awards shows, but I haven't seen anything he's done in years.

Anonymous said...

Dorian Harewood was in the new remake of Assault on Precinct 13 and Gossett Jr. is in the new movie on HBO, Lackawanna Blues.