Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Athina Onassis Roussel Watch

Ample tushied, Athina Roussel, nee Athina Onassis (aka, the future mother of The Corsair's stunning little mocha-colored children), and her polo boytoy, Alvaro Alfonso de Miranda, or, "Doda," (rather, "The Obstacle," as we like to call the old chap around Corsair precincts) are very "in," unfortunately. Of the richest little girl in the world, Hello!Magazine writes:


"Athina Onassis Roussel, the granddaughter of famous shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis who recently celebrated her 20th birthday, is reportedly gearing up to wed her boyfriend, equestrian Alvaro 'Doda' Alfonso de Miranda."

Equestrian, saddle thyself (Averted Gaze). While Ms. Roussel lacks --greatly -- the soaring wit and all around "arete" of our true beloved blog wife, the brilliant, darling Miu, imagine this silly little thought-experiment:

"The heiress, estimated to be worth more than ($4.7 billion), has been dating the 31-year-old Brazilian for several years. It would be Athina's first marriage, while Alvaro has a daughter, Viviane, from a previous marriage According to reports, the pair have purchased a luxurious apartment in Sao Paulo, and are now setting their sights on taking a trip to the altar."

"Parson: ... If anyone objects to this union speak now or forever hold you peace ...

(Anonymous wailing halts the Greek orthodox wedding) "It should have been me"

"Parson: Excuse me? Who said that?

"The Corsair: (Sheepishly raising his hand) Uhm, me.

" ...The wedding is said to be planned for later this year, and the international couple would divide their time between Brazil and Europe."

"Parson: (Fixed gaze) Yes ...?

"The Corsair: I object, Preacher.

"Doda: Well I never ...

"The Corsair: And, if I should prevail at this late hour, my good man, you won't."

" ... Athina's late grandfather's will stipulates that she must learn Greek if she is to inherit the remaining $2 billion of his estate."

"Parson: (Annoyed) On what grounds do you object, young man?

"The Corsair: On the grounds of Skorpios, which Athina owns, and I would have at (The Corsair removes an ermine gauntlet, throws it down); on her Swiss mansion, of which The Corsair could do much skillful blogging ...

"Parson: Oh dear ...

"The Corsair: ... On the grounds of her cash, Monsieur, her stock holdings, those smart Triple A bonds, the ingots of gold, we cannot fail to mention the all those shiny ingots of gold ...."

"Parson: (Averted Gaze) ...."

"The Corsair: I'm not finished! ... I object on the grounds of the villas, the priceless art collection, that private jet -- how sweet, that (blushes); the over 80 companies (second wind), the fleet of 38 ships, that share in Manhattan's Olympic Tower ..."

" ... However, (Athena) has previously expressed the feeling that her wealth is merely a burden she would prefer not to bear."

"The Corsair: And we promise to carry such a grievous burden with exquisite zest. We have read much Spiderman comics in our storied youth, and realize, deeply, that with great wealth comes great responsibility ...

"Should she inherit the remainder of the estate, Athina will be worth just under ($9.5 billion)."

Enough, with The Corsair's sick rococco tastes, for at least --oh -- 10 years of truly hedonistic luxury, on the scale of tiberius on Capri.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Lottsa luck with that- I'm pulling for ya, cap'n! Besides, when she sees the true purity of your love, she'll swoon...sigh...