Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Prince's "Purple Tickets"


(image via msn)

We love Prince. He's delicate, he's funky, and if you put him on as your date winds down for Valentine's, there is a 75-percent chance that Prince will indeed get you laid. He's sort of like the eccentric older brother of the African-American community. You know, the one who pimps out the virginal Sheena Easton ("my sugar walls"), converts to Jehovah's Witness in atonement, shaves the word "slave" on his jaw in quixotic protest against Warner Music, then is last seen bathing in Lake Minnetonka. He's not crazy, mind you: He's eccentric.

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(image via workcandy)

And he has a thing, like the recent incarnation of Madonna, for purple. According to Entertainment Weekly's Popwatch:

"Is Prince the real-life Willy Wonka? He holes up in his mysterious Paisley Park complex, where he mixes up magical and strange confections of funk/rock/R&B. He even dresses like Gene Wilder's purple-jacketed candymaker from the 1971 movie. So it's a no-brainer that he'd try a Wonka-esque promotion for his forthcoming album 3121, due March 21.

"According to fansite prince.org, he's including seven 'purple tickets' inside random copies of the CD that entitle the bearer to attend a private concert at Prince's home."

One can only imagine how this tableau resolves itself. Upon arrival at Paisley Park, the ticket holders are made to wait until Prince pimp strolls to the gate. The Artist approaches them with his face obscured by the brim of his purple chapeau, and he walks, jauntily, like an old jazz musician. At the last moment, Prince does a forwards-somersault and lands on his feet, to the applause of the ticketholders.

Upon entering the Paisley Park, reality is checked at the door, as Prince's crib is a psychedelic wonderland full of chocolate hookers, magic edible mushrooms, lick-able pornographic wallpapers and sanctimonious orange midgets (the Oompa Loompas, of course). Each ticketholder is given their own "Minnetonka's"; a candy that can be licked -- lasciviously -- forever without ever dissolving away or losing flava.

With special thanks to Wikipedia.