In: Marion Barry. Wonkette informs us that Marion "The Bitch Set Me Up" Barry, former DC Mayor and disgraced crackhead is actually -- and we are not making this shit up, people -- teaching a high school class in chemistry:
"He has been mayor. He's now a councilman. But not everyone knows that Marion Barry studied chemistry in college. And Thursday, he showed off that knowledge. After finishing a chemistry lesson at Ballou High School, the former mayor explained his passion.
"Barry says he was too poor growing up to be a doctor or lawyer, but he really wanted to be a teacher. He last taught professionally in 1964. Barry studied science at LeMoyne College in Memphis. He went on to earn a master's in organic chemistry from Fisk University in Nashville.
"Barry says the science training helped in politics because it taught him to be a problem solver."
Sure, like how does a lactose intolerant man ingest as much of "the crack rock" as humanly possible and still function as the city's chief executive?
Out: Chyna Doll. In that significant cultural artifact Star, wrestling steroidal freak, Chyna Doll says, "One of my dreams has always been to be on a Spanish soap opera -- they wear bumblebee outfits!" Uhm, excuse me Misses Freak, but that would be the bumble bee man on Chespirito known for saying, "Ay, ay, ay! No me gusta! Ay, es grande!'' to which you refer.
Chespirito is in the "comedy-variety" category-genre, sweetie, like "Sabado Gigante," not a soap opera, or, as diehards like myself like to call them, "telenovelas," like Xica. The bee was played by Roberto Gomez Bolanos, who is a well known comedian in Mexico. His celebrity came with the TV shows 'El Chapulin Colorado' (The Red Grasshopper) and 'El Chavo del Ocho' (The Kid from the 8th.). Oh, you haven't laughed (controlled belly laugh) till you've seen El Chavo del Ocho. We take our Spanish variety shows seriously here, thank you dear. Just so you know.
In: Chimeras. WTF (link via Drudgereport)?! When there aren't natural disasters or freak geological disturbances of the highest magnitude or -- lest we forget -- sexual scandals on Capitol Hill, Matt Drudge has to fall back on extreme cases of genetic tampering to hold his readers' attention. And it works. Matty really harshes on our mellow with this little ditty. According to National Geographic News:
"Scientists have begun blurring the line between human and animal by producing chimeras?a hybrid creature that's part human, part animal.
"Chinese scientists at the Shanghai Second Medical University in 2003 successfully fused human cells with rabbit eggs. The embryos were reportedly the first human-animal chimeras successfully created. They were allowed to develop for several days in a laboratory dish before the scientists destroyed the embryos to harvest their stem cells."
Soon to be sported at Sundance -- the snazzy status chimera in the Louis Vuitton bag, meowtalking at you. *The Corsair shudders* And, uhm, that feral cat/human hybrid with the flat ass dull eyes rising from the primordial ooze very "Island of Dr. Moreau"-like (Averted Gaze)? ... that would be Paris Hilton.
The feral pig/human admixture making crappy pictures in Hollywood? That's director Joel Schumacher.
Out: Social Security. The jury is still out as to whether or not there is a crisis in Social Security. Dems say no; Repubs say yes; the Dems see an opportunity to part Florida's elderly vote from the Republicans, or atleast loosen it up a bit. According to The Hill:
"Congressional Republicans retiring to the hills of West Virginia later this week to craft a Social Security reform game plan will be treated to a rosier political landscape than the one recently outlined by AARP. In a poll that will be released during this week?s Republican retreat, 60 percent of the 1,000 respondents favored investing some portion of their Social Security funds into 'personal retirement accounts,' as compared to the 35 percent who opposed it."
The problem is (or maybe to you this isn't a problem) Democrats have decided to make Social Security their Rubicon, the line which they will not cross. And some Republicans are leary of the political costs. The elderly are easy marks, and in electoral college rich Florida, Social Security is the third rail of politics. Nancy Pelosi, we hear, has made it clear that any Democrat in the House who crosses party lines to work with the President -- and the President wants a bipartisan plan -- will get payback. The President only has two years to make this happen then he becomes a lame duck (both Houses of Congress will be out looking after their own asses and elections, the President will be focusing on legacy) The loser here is Social Security. The winner here is politics as usual.
UPDATE 1/28: Dems Bash SS.
In: Snap, on the Discovery times Channel. Finally, the Discovery Times Channel appears to to have shed it's oh-so-compelling programming schedule of Liberian Wars (Averted Gaze), Navy SEAL training documentaries (exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment) and military academy propaganda to get in touch with it's softer, bitchier, gossipy side. Toni Fitzgerald of MediaLifeMagazine reviews Snap, a well needed documentary on the stalkerazzi:
"'Snap!' focuses on the evolution of the paparazzi itself rather than its subjects or its secrets. The most telling trick of the trade is that paparazzi oft-times include bushes or trees in their photos to make them seem all the more illicit. Other very interesting but hardly revelatory tidbits:
"The Fergie toe-sucking photo was the most expensive in celebrity journalism history. A photographer caught the princess having her toes sucked at a poolside by a man who was most definitely not the prince. She found out about the scandal when she came down to breakfast one morning with the other royals and found them fighting over copies of the paper in which the pictures appeared.
"The National Enquirer bribed a Presley family member to snap the famous Elvis coffin shot, the only published pictures of the dead King. The Enquirer sold a record 6.5 million copies of the issue containing that shot.
"The so-called 'chopperazzi,' who fly helicopters over celebrity weddings hoping to get a picture, originated with Sean Penn and Madonna?s 1985 union. One of the wedding guests, rumored to be Johnny Carson, wrote a message to the choppers on the nearby beach in 40-foot letters: 'FUCK OFF'"
"... Monica Lewinsky is the only celebrity interviewed in the documentary."
Hold on, wait just one minute -- Monica Lewinsky is a celebrity? Does blowing the Commander-in-Chief bestow that kind of social pull? Highly implausible. Anyway, the special airs on DTimes, Sunday 8PM.
Out: Johnny Depp's Irish/Scottish (?) Accent. What's up with Johnny Depp's Irish/Scottish (?) brogue? Detrius from Finding Neverland? Isn't Depp from Kentucky? Are we the only one's who notice this thusness? And did he employ said brogue when, according to Ananova:
"Talking about 2004's ceremony he attended with girlfriend Vanessa Paradis (Depp) said:
"All I could think of was, 'When and where can we go smoke?' and 'Where can we get a drink?' and 'When is it over?' and 'Please don't let me win.'
"It was such a shock, to get the news that I'd been nominated. My first reaction was 'Why?' On one level I was flattered, but it's not what I'm working for," reports IOL.com.
"He added: When I didn't win the thing - oh, I was ecstatic. Absolutely ecstatic. I applauded the lucky winner and said, Thank God."
In: Jean-Paul Gaultier. (In Zoolander Hansel voice) This shit is hott. Africa hott. Hotter than the bread couture show. According to British Vogue:
"'AFRO-DISIAC!' yelled Jean Paul Gaultier backstage after daubing the likes of Naomi Campbell, Lily Cole, Erin O'Connor and Jade Parfitt in red and ochre body paint to give the Parisian fashion scene a taste of Africa on the last day of the couture shows. Typically attention-grabbing, he was the perfect antidote to the haughty elegance of Lebanese designer Elie Saab, whose spring/summer 2005 couture collection brought the week to an end last night. Tomorrow, the boys are back, with menswear shows from Issey Miyake and John Galliano before the spotlight turns to New York on Friday for the beginning of the ready-to-wear women's autumn/winter collections."
Out: Schwag. According to Fashionweekdaily:
"S.W.A.G. Alert: The Sundance Channel gave gift bags valued at more than $6,000 to stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jesse Bradford, Jacqueline Bisset, and Zach Braff. The leather Kenneth Cole duffel bag was stuffed with an Apple iPod Mini, pashmina from Henri Bendel, Stila brushes and gloss, a two-night stay at any W Hotel, Bumble and bumble hair products, and much, much more!"
--Because, of course, poor Jackie Bissett needs the free stuff.
In: Busta Rhymes. The Corsair has never met Busta Rhymes personally, but we did see him getting out of a car going into a restaurant once near midtown and although we are not a medical doctor, we would diagnose him as having a severe case of Attention Deficit Disorder.
Se-fucking-vere.
In the five seconds it took him to get out of a black SUV and go into the restaurant, he must have screamed like a little bitch and pumped his fist into the air about, oh, 700 times, shaking his dreadlocks menacingly ... and he wasn't doing it for the benefit of anyone! *The Corsair shudders* This from Gawker Stalker seals my amateur ADD diagnosis:
"... sat next to busta rhymes on a flight from dallas to jfk on sunday. he was seated in coach because there was only one seat left in first class. Busta had to give it to his body guard because he couldn?t fit into the coach seats. Ended up getting in an altercation with his rapper friend (flip squad or something or other?) because he was talking VERY dirty to a lady he had courted on the plane. when i told him i could over hear his whole conversation (complete with 'i?d like to stick my nine incher in you'), he got angry. He called busta over, only to draw more attention to the scene. i eventually got scared and apologized (hey, i?m a small white 19 year old girl?). busta then seemed more friendly but also seemed to think i like it 'rough' and have 'chains and whips and shit.' it was a long flight."
We can imagine. The Corsair thought busta was having an epileptic fit in Times Square when we saw his crazy ass. The thought of busta rhymes forced to sit still next to you is a nightmare we would wish on no one. Okay. Maybe Joel Schumacher.
Out: Usher, Diva. What's up with Usher? (sotto voce) First superhead, then dumping Naomi, now this. The fame has gone to his head. He's got a touch of the bitch about him of late. According to The Dish:
"Usher shocked fans after the screening of his latest movie on Monday night -- by ordering his chauffeur to drive him 200 yards to the after-show party.
"The singer was attending the showing of his film 'Rhythm City Volume 1: Caught Up' at London's Rex Bar + Cinema venue.
"But he surprised the V.I.P. audience by traveling to the post-screening bash at the capital's Penthouse nightspot in his Rolls-Royce Phantom, even though the venue was a two-minute walk away.
"A witness says, 'People were pretty shocked to see him piling into his car, especially as it took three times longer to drive than to get there on foot. It's a two-minute stroll.
"And when his car pulled up at the Penthouse, his security insisted everyone who had been [lining up] patiently clear."
What's up playa?
In: Tara Subkoff. Sure, we razz her, but we eventually come around. She did a great job on the fashions of A Life Aquatic. And according to Fashionweekdaily, "Heard: Tara Subkoff is negotiating with a handful of denim companies--including Diesel, Levis, Lee, Wrangler, AG, and Big Star?to produce a line of Imitation of Christ jeans for the winning bidder. Turns out that she?s wanted to branch into the denim market for ages?who knew??and is close to sealing up a deal with the right partner."
Out: Robert Deniro, Whore. He was once an actor's actor, a manly man, a sweaty character actor, we like to remember him in The Mission, where he fucking rocked. That was when Deniro ruled. But after Rocky and Bullwinkle (Averted Gaze), Meet the Fockers (Audible Groan) and Taxi Driver 2, we wonder. Deeply. We grew up on Deniro. He's a hero. A paragon of a hard work ethic and the arts. Tis a pity he's a whore. About now, we can all collectively toss a crumpled c-note at him and show him the door. We hope for a late vocation, a conversion to the God of the stage, but, don't count on it. Deniro can get Brando f-u-money for just gracing the screen and playing himself. According to The Dish:
"Robert De Niro has angered fans by making a rare TV commercial appearance in a controversial new American Express advert directed by pal Martin Scorsese.
"The movie legend is shot by the director walking around his beloved New York explaining why the Big Apple is so important to him in the grainy black-and-white ad.
"The emotive commercial also includes montage footage of policemen, fireman, old-timers and basketball players. But shots of Ground Zero and De Niro's comment 'My heartbreak' in the 30-second commercial have upset many fans, who deem the images inappropriate for an American Express commercial.
"One angry New York fan on the Digital Spy Internet chat site has blasted the actor and Scorsese for their insensitivity.
"He fumes, 'For a guy who's supposed to love the city, you'd think he'd show a bit more class ... Using a tragedy to sell a product stinks.'"
We sadly agree.
In: Christian Lacroix. We gave you African inspired fashion, now to Paris, 1789 (although, of course, we subscribe to Edmund Burke's sublime distinctions between the validities of the French and American revolutions), via Hello!Magazine:
"The French couturier had promised the collection, his last for fashion giants LVMH, would be his 'answer' to critics. And he certainly seems to have triumphed, with the audience of style critics and industry buyers honouring him with a standing ovation when the show came to an end."
Out: Gitmo Tactics. This has a 60 Minutes expose written all over it. An indignant Leslie Stahl would be my bet. According to the AP (link via Drudgereport):
"Female interrogators tried to break Muslim detainees at the U.S. prison camp in Guantanamo Bay by sexual touching, wearing a miniskirt and thong underwear and in one case smearing a Saudi man's face with fake menstrual blood, according to an insider's written account.
"A draft manuscript obtained by The Associated Press is classified as secret pending a Pentagon review for a planned book that details ways the U.S. military used women as part of tougher physical and psychological interrogation tactics to get terror suspects to talk.
"It's the most revealing account so far of interrogations at the secretive detention camp, where officials say they have halted some controversial techniques.
"'I have really struggled with this because the detainees, their families and much of the world will think this is a religious war based on some of the techniques used, even though it is not the case,' the author, former Army Sgt. Erik R. Saar, 29, told AP."
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