Friday, January 21, 2005

Trump: The Burger

He's hawked a not unstinky fragrance and he's proferred forth his own designer label. Now, the man who is known as Trump regales us with his burger. It should remain in your colon longer than his new marriage to the Eastern European trophy lasts. Not since Babylon has a whore (Trump, not Melania) been so competent with its ministrations as the short-fingered vulgarian.

Donald Trump, who once publicly declared that he picks up pennies off expectorate laden Manhattan sidewalks (Averted Gaze), is so goddamned ghetto he ought really to just have the words "Trump" emblazoned atop his very own Brownsville project building, is currently whoring an actual Burger King burger (Averted Gaze), according to CNN Money:

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"A burger developed by the winning team in the season premiere of the Donald Trump reality show 'The Apprentice' went on sale Friday at Burger King restaurants nationwide.

"The 'Net Worth' team of 'street smart' contestants won the meaty challenge against the 'Magna' team of college-educated opponents with their 'Western Angus Steak Burger' -- a burger loaded with three onion rings, cheddar cheese, barbecue sauce, lettuce and tomatoes, according to a Burger King spokeswoman."

The cheese ... is not unexpected; this is a Trump concoction of which we speak ... the flame broiling will, of course, occur in his afterlife ... but we'd have thought a proper Trump burger (Averted Gaze) would be loaded with bologna and a good measure of stone crab as a "fixin'" ...

But we digress: Of course, you can expect Trump to avoid entirely ever munching on those proletarian polyunsaturated "horsemeats" (Sniffs snootily). With positively Dickensian atmospherics ("IT WAS the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness ...", The Dish reports on the parallel meal preparations for his upcoming nuptuals tomorrow:

"Tycoon Donald Trump has called on top New York chef Jean George to cook up a meal to remember for guests attending his wedding in Miami, Fla., on Saturday.

"After the businessman weds his third wife Melania Knauss at his Miralago resort, guests will dine on Truffle Fontina Crisp, Foie Gras Toast with Papaya Mustard, Lobster Daikon Roll with Rosemary Ginger Sauce and Caviar Beggars Purse with Gold Leaf.

"Other treats on the four-course menu include filet mignon in a green peppercorn sauce and slices from the Trump's five-tiered wedding cake."

But there will be no fireworks. Horsemeat ... doubtful.


Bubbles, Ink. said...

I'd give anything to crash the party and yell out: "Where the burgers at, yo!"

The Humanity Critic said...

Just passing though, digging the blog by the way..

Anonymous said...

It's actually Jean-Georges, my darling.

(my boss is in cahoots with him, else I wouldn't know either.)