According to the always excellent reporting by Rush and Molloy, any misconceptions suggesting that Martha Stewart was literally "busting rocks" on New Year's and not actually "rocking out," like the rest of us, should fade to black:
"Martha Stewart continues to win friends and influence inmates at Alderson Federal Prison Camp in West Virginia. The domestic diva hosted an intimate New Year's Eve party in her cell. A Christmas Day gospel choir performance got her dancing again.
"'I tell you, Martha was getting into it,' eyewitness Jose Figueroa tells People.
"'Martha's got a little funk in her; she was jamming and clapping.'"
Yes, she does have a little funk in her, mostly commissary food. Although, possibly also some funk on her, prison showers being what they are -- enough said.
"In fact, Stewart has become a big-house mom to younger jailbirds.
"'If I can do it, you can do it,' Stewart is said to have told a new inmate who was in tears."
Martha's come a long way from her absentminded beginnings, as reported by that significant cultural artifact, The National Enquirer, fairly recently:
"A gang of four inmates cornered Martha in a recreation room," an insider told The ENQUIRER.
"They didn't physically rough up Martha, but did make it very clear that the next five months of her life would be spent in their world, where certain unwritten rules would have to be followed.
"Two of the inmates got right in Martha's face and warned her they were the ones who called the shots inside Alderson, while two others stood with their backs turned and watched for guards."
(The Corsair takes out his binoculars and --mirabile dictu -- spots Falco peregrinus)
"They filled her in on prison's one-strike rule, which simply means Martha will be given only one warning about those inmates she's expected to obey.
"If she gets out of line and doesn't heed their first warning, then they promised there will be hell to pay for strike two!
"All Martha could do was stand there and nod her head in agreement. She paid close attention as they explained the special favors she would sometimes be expected to provide--laundry, making their beds and buying supplies for them from the commissary."
We don't need to get into the "special favors," here. According to Rush and Molloy:
"(Martha's) even adopted the prison cat as a pet. Her yoga regimen has helped her lose 10 pounds.
"Says a pal: 'She looks like she's been to the Golden Door Spa for a month.'"
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