In: Agent Britney Spears, Forensic Scientist. About a year ago, Liz Smith of The New York Post reported that Britney Spears was a big fan of Court TV's 'Forensic Files,' which -- trailer trash, y'all -- excuse me, something caught in the throat, there, now, all better; which shows crime scene experts solving intricate puzzles.
Britney -- chicken fingers -- sorry, again: my bad, cold, flu, ahem; Britney received a Court TV cap from Henry Schleiff, chairman and CEO of Court TV; no doubt she wore the cap with a Fosse-like flourish to some Nascar event's public restroom (Averted Gaze). Fascination with the legal system probably arises from Ms. Spears', ahem, humble beginnings and the ensuing historical Spears-versus-the-State-of-Louisiana contretemps. Now, according to the 3AM Girls:
"Pop princess Britney Spears has big plans for 2005 - she may quit pop for a life of crime.
"Apparently the 23-year-old star dreams of becoming a forensic scientist and may take a university degree! Yep, we nearly fell off our chairs too.
"According to our source: 'It sounds ridiculous but she's been inspired by TV's CSI, which shows scientists solving crimes.
"'Brit has been growing tired of all the media attention and is thinking about taking a break from it all. She's taking this university idea quite seriously.'"
Pepperdine has courses in Forensic Psychology, but we hope Agent Spears-Federline, while investigating the "Toxic" -- doesn't contaminate the crime scene with stickey orange Cheeto fingerprints, as is her wont.
Out: Saudi Royal Style, or lack thereof, because, well (exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detatchment), is there such a thing as Saudi chic? Can corrupt tyrants rock truly? -- While we can appreciate the fabulosity of late Zairian strong man Mobutu's leopard-skin chapeau, dictators are not chic. According to our favorite superhero-gossip columnist duo, Rush and Molloy, those Saudi royals are still "flavor"-challenged, funk deprived:
"Saudi Ambassador Prince Bandar bin Sultan will always take snow over sand on New Year's Eve. The honorary member of the Bush family flew in Roberta Flack to entertain about 80 pals at his annual year-end countdown in Aspen."
Roberta fucking Flack (The Corsair recoils in visible disgust)?! That's supposed to be entertainment? Even back in the day Roberta Flack wasn't popping; she was naught else but cookie-cutter R&B. How about some Riunite on ice as a refreshment, so we can go completely "country" with this. Between the Saudi royals frequent patronage of Russian whores, that embarrassing indirect state sponsoring of terrorism episode, and now -- the ultimate shame -- a "Roberta Flack party," (Averted Gaze) reallly, Saudi royal chic is in dire straights (Averted Gaze) indeed.
In: David Patrick Columbia's Social Diary. So hott. When not chronicling the Masters of the Universe Genus, Upper East Side High Society Variety Species, DPC gathers once-in-a-lifetime pictures of what happens at these events, in the tents, at the power lunches, usually involving said aristos slurping the distilled blood of Andalusian peasants, smiling into the camera, like this one:
That's -- from left to right -- British smoothie Euan Rellie, urban menace Mike Tyson, and recovering cell phone addict Lucy Sykes, looking positively "fucky," at Dior's Young Collectors Council Artists Ball at the Guggenheim. Charmed, I'm sure (Averted Gaze). Mike Tyson at The Mothefucking Guggenheim. Priceless.
That's world's-about-to-end spooky, kind of like finding Heather Graham at a book store ("What are all the square things with the paper inside, baby?") with her sugar daddy. That's what the Native Americans in their infinite wisdom used to call "bad medicine."
Out: Paris Hilton, Death and the Maiden. That Paris Hilton doesn't like black is a matter of public record (Averted Gaze). That porn 'ho bag probably only eats white chocolate. I'm just saying ... According to ContactMusic:
"PARIS HILTON was 'devastated' when she found out TV bosses told her she had to be a morgue attendant in her reality show THE SIMPLE LIFE 3.
"The American heiress and her co-star NICOLE RICHIE hated moving bodies and driving a hearse, but they did it for the hit programme which airs this month (JAN05) in America.
"Hilton says, 'The worst job was working in the morgue where we had to move bodies and drive the hearse.'"
That BLACK hearse. I'm just saying ...
In: Athina Roussell Onassis. Our sexy blog wife, the magnificent socialite Miu Von Furstenberg notes, "Athina Roussel Onassis, the granddaughter of late shipping billionaire Aristotle Onassis, is set to make a bid to ride for the Greek equestrian team for the 2008 Olympics in Beijing." A most intriguing development. Stay tuned.
Out: TMI. We love Margaret Cho, we love her blog, her sassy Asian cuchifrito attitude, but, well, too much information is too much information, as her post "Why Must I Bleed Alone" makes readily apparent:
"I take this new birth control pill where one of the side effects is having four menstrual periods a year. It's menopause in a pinch! I feel like an Olympic gymnast or some other kind of professional athlete, too muscular and stressed out for feminine luxuries such as menses and the prom. When it comes time for one of my quarterly shed, it takes me by surprise and I welcome it like a long lost friend."
Um, more than we needed to know Margaret. More than we ... needed to ... know.
No comments:
Post a Comment