Wednesday, January 12, 2005

What Would You Do? (The Angelina Jolie Game)

The events of two nights ago have haunted my mind palace ever since. It all began on a harmless Winter evening in our favorite Hell's Kitchen dive bar when a character who The Corsair will refer to as "Drunken Long Island Electrician" tore himself away from his Budweiser and Jack long enough to plant the seeds of an invidious game in our already twisted Ugandan-American psyche:

Drunken Long Island Electrician: Hey
The Corsair: Hey
Drunken Long Island Electrician: Is it true that black men don't like to go down on women?
The Corsair: (Averted Gaze)
DLIE: No offense
The Corsair: (Considerable pause) It's ... all good
DLIE: So (Awkward), how about that Angelina Jolie
The Corsair: How about her?
DLIE: So, like, what would you do to (expletive deleted) her?
The Corsair: Excuse me?
DLIE: Like, would you get hit by a hammer on your thumb for a night with her?
The Corsair: Excuse me?
DLIE: It's a rhetorical question ..
The Corsair: We'll, I can't say I care for the rhetoric.

And so on. But after three more Glenfiddich and soda's, we were game. The racial-socio-economic divide was bridged, as it were, by cold adult beverages:

The Corsair: (Fondly) You're my bestest friend.
DLIE: (Adoringly) I know ...
The Corsair: So, like, would you take a punch to the face by Mike Tyson for a night of sweet love with Angelina Jolie?
DLIE: Hm. With or without boxing gloves?
The Corsair: With ...
DLIE: Hm. Yeah, I think I would.
The Corsair: You'd take a punch from Tyson?
DLIE: Yeh, but Mike Tyson in 2005 is a far cry from Mike Tyson in 1985.
The Corsair: Good point.

1 comment:

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